any other 30 somethings who've never been married or even really been in love?
I feel so shut out from that aspect of life. I rarely even meet single men in our age bracket and they never seem interested. Ive done the online thing with no luck and am now just getting pessimistic and giving up. I mean, if I lose this weight and a man is suddenly interested, that would just make me think he is shallow. Anyways, lately i've just been depressed about it and less motivated to work out because of the depression. Anyone else in this boat?
Yep, it bums me out too, but I try not to let it get me down. Please don't let it keep you from working on yourself though! Being your best self can only bring good things into your life.
I'm 32 and I've been in love a couple of times... but I've also been depressed and lonely and frankly a little desperate... It lead me to make some very NOT GOOD decisions. One just used me for sex, another used me for money (not like I had much) and another was verbally and emotionally abusive. And NOBODY deserves that. I know you're feeling like no one loves you and I'm sure thats not true. There are plenty of guys out there who appriciate full-figured women, and I'm sure there is someone who will appriciate everything that you have to offer. Be paient. In my experiance these things tend to happen when you least expect it!
Losing weight should be for you and your health, NOT to please other people or to get a man.
As for WHERE to meet men... I've done the whole online thing, I've done the bar thing, I've dated co-workers (I DO NOT recomend that...) I've been with my boyfriend for little over a year now, and things are GREAT. Honestly I met him on Craigslist... I took out an add looking for someone with similar interest (and certian criteria) he sent me a photo, I responded with a photo. We started talking on email then telephone. We met first at a starbucks and just went from there... it's been wonderful!
I'm sure you will find someone, and I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you need to be paient. Don't rush into these things, rash decisions could lead to you getting hurt.
I am not 30-something but I spent my 30s and 40s not dating, not in a relationship, nothing. From ages 11-31 I had always been the girl with a boyfriends (not continuous but no long droughts), and have a bit of a running-not-quite joke of 3 engagement rings, no husbands.
But I was not comfortable with the whole idea of permanent relationships, so when I first gained 100 lbs in one year at age 30-31, I actually liked the fact that it finally ended all the male attention. But it was a case of "be careful what you wish for". At age 36, I thought I was ready for dating again after 5 year hiatus, and suprise, nothing. Not a relationship, not a date, no attempted pickups. I had become invisible.
Last Feb (I was 49 at the time), my ex-BIL came to visit and convinced me to try dating. He was 50 at the time and said he was finding the nice girls like me had given up and he wanted to meet women like me (no, he was not hitting on me). I agreed I would attempt online dating after my 50th birthday in October, which would give me time to take of some weight. In April, I finally got started.
Here is the irony. I met my current beau a few weeks after my 50th birthday. I am still obese but working very hard at it. He is not attracted to fat girls at all and yet...
So, moral of my story is NEVER GIVE UP. Not on the idea of weight loss, not on the idea of love. I have been alone 18 years and though I don't think this relationship is THE one, I am very at peace with where I am today.
I turned 30 last year and in that time I had had one serious boyfriend who ended up cheating on me and marrying the girl he cheated on me with..then I went like 5 or 6 years without even dating or anything. I think I got to a point where I just figured I never would get married or even meet someone. Then a year and a half ago, I met my current boyfriend while at my second job. I wasn't even looking for it. He's been married before so who knows it we will go down that road. So like the last poster said, don't give up..seems to just happen whenever it happens and it never happens when you are looking for it!
I've never been in love. I've never had a relationship last more than 6 weeks and the last one of those was 11, almost 12 years ago. Lately it seems like all of my relationships last 10 days. It does cause depression. I wonder what it is about me that pushes people away. I always figured it is because I am fat, but I have fatter friends that seem to pick up dudes. It is heartbreaking and discouraging and all that. I'm a hopeless romantic who has never felt love. I've gotten to the point that I don't even know if I would know how or if I am capable of being able to love someone in a romantic sense.
You are not alone. I always thought I was too.
I will be 30 in 2 months and I'm single. I go back and forth with how I feel about it. Some days I LOVE being single! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I can focus on what makes ME happy. On other days I'm a little lonely and I worry about all the guys my age being in a relationship already or married already or have kids already and there won't be anyone left for me!
I thought I was in love one time, I was with the guy for 4 years and then those feelings just "went away." I don't even know how to describe it. I just wasn't interested in being with him anymore, he had turned into just a friend to me and I broke it off. Then I started wondering was I in love and then I fell out of love? Or was I never in love to begin with? Then I started worrying for the fact that I didn't know which one it was and I started thinking maybe I wouldn't know love when it did come to me, etc. etc.
I also worry because I live in NJ right now but plan on moving as soon as I finish my bachelor degree (probably a year or 2). I'll be moving out west again or possibly even out of the country for a little bit and I worry about meeting a guy now, here, because someone my age is most likely already established here with a job, family, friends, etc. Am I really going to find someone that will move away with me or will I find a relationship that I know can't go anywhere because I'm leaving? I dunno. I figure at this point in time all I can do is focus on myself, my health, my job, my school, my happiness and whatever happens, happens.
Can I join your "never been married or in love" club? I've dated, done the online thing but it didn't work(he had desparate dater written all over him) and yes it sometimes bothers me. But I find that it helps to see the benefits to being single. 1. Come and go as you please. 2. Spend or NOT spend $$, it's your decision. And last but most important I'd rather be single and happy then married and miserable! I've always believed that life will put you where you need to be when you need to be there and not a moment before!
Last edited by Violin Jenn; 01-19-2010 at 07:27 PM.
Hey I have never been married and was not the least bit interested in being married for a long time. I am currently in love with my boyfriend and would happily marry him. I do like having my freedom and always preferred being single. I know that is weird but had some bad experiences.
I'm sure you will find someone when you are ready. I know I always find someone right after I decide I want nothing to do with men at all.lol
I'm 31 and have never been in love, had a boyfriend, or been married...and while i'll get fleeting bouts of loneliness, i'm actually ok being single. i feel that because of my varied interest, i just haven't found someone who "moved" or at least partially interested me.
if i find someone great, if i don't, well thats ok too. i don't really mind being a bachelor(ette)
I dated constantly! I was always the one who picked the ones I knew were bad for me. They lied...cheated and the told me they were sorry and they loved me. And I believed them. I have been engaged three times in my life and broke it off only because I finally faced the fact that they were no good for me. I didn't like the person I had become just to please the man who had no respect for me in the first place. I was so worried about ending up alone that I didn't take the time to find out what type of man I really wanted. Now I am taking my time. I haven't been on a date in quite some time and when they ask I have learned to say no. Because in the end you could end up doing more damage to yourself just for the sake of not ending up alone.
yes, me and I'm glad to see I'm not alone. I've had two relationships that both lasted 6 years... problem with them was that both of them never loved me. The first was an a-hole. The second treated me like a queen. In fact I still live with both him and his Mom. But he only ever saw me as a friend, and was very honest about that from the beginning.
i know, it can be really hard to put yourself out there in the dating pool.
i think getting a date is less about the weight you are at and more about the confidence and self-pride you exude. i've know plenty women who are overweight and obese and their phones don't stop ringing. i also know plenty of men who prefer a woman to be thick. be proud you are taking the steps to create a healthy new you. attitude is everything.
I'm 33 and haven't been married. I haven't had a serious, steady relationship since college. I never really thought much about it until recently when I met a guy and spent a couple of months with him before he moved away. I realized this really is something I want in my life. Just like anything else, it takes work to find it. I started doing research on dating and like many of you have said, it's not about "finding the one" - it's about being your best self so that people are attracted to you. I can see myself before my enlightenment and not be surprised at all that I wasn't meeting men. I was very closed off and had a bit of a chip on my shoulder (all my friends are skinny and pretty), but since I've changed my attitude, I've noticed a change in the attitude towards me. People in general (men included) are much more open and respond to me differently. Even people I've known for a while are responding differently.
I've found it's also important not to put too many expectations on other people or situations. If I go out expecting to meet someone and don't, that just sets me up for disappointment. If I meet someone and expect he'll ask for a number and he doesn't - disappointment. However, if I go out and relax and have a good time without any expectations - no disappointment.
The last thing I'll say I've learned about myself is to make sure I'm not settling for someone I don't want just to have someone for right now. I see this happen a lot with my friends...always worried about what to say or do because of what a man might think of them. I've learned my first responsibility is to myself. Being authentic is my goal. If I don't stay true to myself, I can easily "lose" who I truly am and end up resenting the other person even though it's all my fault.
any other 30 somethings who've never been married or even really been in love?
