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Old 12-30-2009, 10:06 AM   #1  
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Unhappy Plus Sized Gift Card from My MIL

Hmphf. My birthday was Monday, and yesterday I received a card from my MIL. In it was a nice letter and a $25 gift card to a plus sized shop in the mall.

Of ALL the places on the planet that woman could have spent $25 on me - why did she have to remind me of how heavy I am on my Birthday? I am glad that she got me a gift card to a store that I could not spend the money on diapers or things for the family. However, this - coupled with a remark surrounding a coat she gave me this spring (that a friend gave to her and "wouldn't possibly fit" her) makes me sad that she is rubbing it in my face.

Her son and I got married 3.5 years ago. I wore a size 10 wedding dress and was running 20mi a week. We now have TWO children ages 2.5 and 8mo, so I have gained weight.

I'm working so hard to loose these pounds. I'm still nursing and the baby is up and down still in the night. I run a daycare, and home school the older kids (we have a 2nd and 6th grader as well) - I'm just so exhausted all the time....working out and eating right takes all I have left.

DH wasn't to sympathetic. He says I'm being mean to myself. He doesn't see me as overweight (he is overweight, now, as well!). I'm just sad and disappointed. I needed to share. Thanks.
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:30 AM   #2  
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First, I'm sorry that the gift card made you feel bad.

Second, maybe she just had no idea how it would come across? I've noticed some people are just oblivious to that kind of thing. She could have just been trying to think of a place where you would have to shop for you.

Though, in the case of some of my family it would have been more likely to be a well thrown passive aggressive jab.

Don't beat yourself up honey - two kids in 3.5 years, daycare ad home school, I would be doing good to get up every morning and you have already lost 27 pounds. Wowza! Keep up the great work!
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:32 AM   #3  
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My MIL did the exact same thing last Christmas, and my husband didn't understand either; something genetic with men I think. It's hard not to take it personally, but please try; as Shannon said, she might just be oblivious. You are doing great, especially considering the obsticles you are facing. Just hang in there and keep up the great work!!
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:52 AM   #4  
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Sometimes well meaning people say things in a way that comes across differently than they mean it to. I say this from experience. Unless you feel she is passive-aggressive or rude to you constantly, I'd try not to let it bother you. She probably thinks it was a nice place to get you a gift card.
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:53 AM   #5  
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just maybe your mil wasnt trying to be mean or hurt your feelings, maybe she wanted you to get something for yourself and not use the gift card on the family.
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:59 AM   #6  
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Ouch I'm sure that really hurt!

If you normally don't have many problems with her I'd just hold your head up high, let it go- and when you see her say "oh thanks for the gift card, I had the buy the SMALLEST size they had there- and then had to take it to a tailor and have it taken in- but I do love the outfit I found. "

Even if it's not true just say it lol That lets her know she probably doesn't have to send you a card from there again...

I have bought clothes from Torrid but I wear their size 0 clothes.
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Old 12-30-2009, 11:06 AM   #7  
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does she know you are on a diet? but then again i guess it is better than her getting you a gc to say mcdonalds? right? lol... i understand how that would be bothersome. if it were my ex-mil i would be livid but thats because thats how my ex-mil was...umm say difficult.

if at all make it more motivation to lose weight! think of her when you work out. when i think of someone or something that irked me bad i work out even harder!
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Old 12-30-2009, 11:10 AM   #8  
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Thanks for the comments, gals. Feeling better every minute. Cried a little last night - think I'm almost over it.

She is normally very kind to me - but is about 5' tall and size 4 herself. She just was trying to do a nice thing, I'm sure. I called and thanked her right away. They like to get calls as they are home bound much of the time.

I thought about it last night and think I will buy some jewelry there. This particular store carries clothes for a more mature crowd. It's actually the Plus Sized offshoot of one of her favorite stores. :P

At least the jewelry I can wear even when I get to small to shop there. That will be a nice thing to still have next year on my birthday.
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Old 12-30-2009, 12:25 PM   #9  
On my way to a size 10!
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I know how that can make you feel. My step mother had the duodenal switch and went from a size 24 to an 8. She likes to rub it in my face all the time.
I know I should be proud of her weight loss, but the only thing she has done to lose that weight is write the check to pay for it.
She doesn't eat right and doesn't exercise. So it frustrates me a little.

Sometimes it is better for ourselves to just "ignore" that negativity and just keep on doing what's right. The negativity will only hold you back from what you really want.
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Old 12-30-2009, 01:54 PM   #10  
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I don't know your mother-in-law, so it is hard for me to guess what her motives (good or bad) might have been. Based on the fact that she included a nice letter in the card, it seems strange that she would send you something that she thought would make you feel bad.

You can't control the fact that she sent it to you, but you can control how you react to it (which you seem to be on your way to doing). Instead of seeing it as some sort of message regarding your weight, why not view it in a charitable light and consider it as a generous gift?


Last edited by LotusMama; 12-30-2009 at 02:06 PM.
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Old 12-30-2009, 02:13 PM   #11  
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Sorry it made you feel bad!

My "X" mil would buy me XL...I think I was XL in 1st grade! I always wanted to say to her "Do I look like a XL?" <------- sarcastically (of course) AND it was always from one of those fancy catalogs like Appleseeds or something... and at that time there wasn't even any LARGER sizes to exchange it with...

Good will get to at least spend your gift card...right?

Happy Birthday!
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Old 12-30-2009, 02:22 PM   #12  
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Aww, I'm glad your'e feeling better! I'm sure that jewelry will cheer you up even more
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:55 PM   #13  
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I wouldn't be happy at all but I do hope you find something nice to buy. At least you won't have to spend your own money on something that won't last for long. My mum bought me UK sized 22-24 pyjamas for Christmas I am now just about a UK size 18 and was not impressed.
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Old 12-30-2009, 04:46 PM   #14  
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Don't give her that power! As Ms. Roosevelt said, "No one can make us feel inferior without our consent." You mother-in-law is feeling insecure and/or threatened in some way. She has found a button she can push to make herself feel better by making you feel worse. It's not about weight, it's not about you - it's about her. When you get to goal, she will just pick another button. Whatever it is that has her feeling this way is her issue. In my experience, men never seem to understand these things. If it isn't spelled out with a bow around it, they don't get the inuendos. (I am sure there are exceptions, but that's been my experience.) Buy jewelry with the gift card - something you like that isn't clothing related. Then graciously, thank her for the card and show the jewelry to her the next time you see her. Okay, that's a bit vindictive, but don't let her get to you. You're stronger than that - I have just "met" you, but based on the life you described in your post, I can tell! :-)
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Old 12-30-2009, 08:32 PM   #15  
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I hope your MIL's motives were pure, but she can only hurt you if you let it get to you. I have an ex-SIL who did stuff to make me feel way bad. When she was pregnant with my nephew, she said that she wouldn't have to buy maternity clothes because she could just wear the time I weighed 160 and was a size 12. It took me a while to let it roll off (about a decade actually), but it is well worth the effort to not let it bother you. Buy some awesome jewelry! Jewelry makes everything all right....
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