I am starting a new weight loss challenge today and it is so hard. I have lost and gained before but I am at my highest weight ever and depressed and miserable because of it. I am insulin resistant but have always passed the 3 hour glucose test so I have never technically been diagnosed with diabetes. My father has type II diabetes and his sister, my Aunt Shawn, died of complications from diabetes at age 36, which is my age now. On October 4, 2006 I lost the closest family member I have ever lost to,heart disease, my Mom's sister Eloise. She was only 50 years old. It devistated me and still does. I have been in a strange state of depression/anger and can't seem to pull myself out of it. (when my Aunt first went in before she passed )When the doctor came out and said "my surgical team and I are always amazed at how shocked people act when someone obese has heart failure. Being obese and smoking are the two number one killers. I am not trying to be harsh but take this as a warning and do something for yourselves." I just stared and felt like I was in the twilight zone. My Aunt had a condition they call "widowmaker". They did a bypass but her heart was too damaged and after a 3+ week period she was gone. She was the baby of the family on my Mom's side and none of us will ever be the same. Me, my sister, my cousin's, my uncle and other friends and family all did the heart walk in Tampa, Fl in her memory. It just happened to be the one month anniversary of her death. It was a 4 mile walk and by the 3rd mile I noticed that both of my hands were so swollen I couldn't bend my fingers. My sister wanted me to go the emergency room but I was terrified and just took two motrin when I got back to the car and within 45 min. the swelling was gone. This motivated me temporarily. Initially I lost 16 lbs and was dertermined to get healthy but within 2 months I had gained that 16 back and more.
My problem is, knowing what I know why can't I stick with it? What is wrong with me that I can't dicipline myself? I am ashamed and depressed. Being obese is a bad example for my kids and I don't know what to do. Has anyone tried hypnosis? I am desperate. How do people do it? I smoked for almost 10 years and I quit about 8 years ago. I thought that was the hardest thing that I had ever done and that anything after that would be easy, boy was I wrong. I gained 50 lbs when I quit smoking, over about 1 1/2 years, and never could lose it and keep it off again. I am not sure if this is the place to post or not. I am new to this site and haven't learned to navigate it yet. Just looking for someone who understands.
new to fat chicks and looking for help
to you!! I'm sorry for your losses. You did the right thing coming here for support! You will find TONS of support all over 3FC. I wish I had the answer to why we can't just do it, even though we have tons of GOOD reasons to. 
Thank you for your support
