[sm177]

The past few weeks have not been good. During the day while I was at work I couldn't stop snacking. Recently I started to control the snacking but then instead would plan a binge and then purge afterwards. I've been throwing up just about everynight or every other night for the past few weeks. I do it at night because I'm on the birth control pill and I'm worried it'll effect that. It makes me feel horrible. Right now my face feels swollen and my jaw hurts...

I need to stop convincing myself this is ok. Can anyone talk some sense into me? I really don't know what my problem is.

[beautifulone]

Good for you for admitting that the bingeing and purging aren't good for you and for seeking help. You have taken such a huge step, one that I know isn't always easy. It sounds like you have or are developing an eating disorder, and they spiral out of control so fast it is terrifying... You get to the point where you are out of control, you feel terrifed, you're in pain, you start lying to the people around you, pretending every day that you are fine when you feel the last thing from it, yet you don't know how to stop... it's scary, dangerous, and unbelievably addictive. It can take over your life in so many ways - emotionally, mentally, physically, relationships, job, finances, and so on. It's important to get help, and the earlier the better. Have you considered talking to someone like a counsellor or seeking support in that way? Or somewhere like Sheena's Place? It's in downtown Toronto, here is the webite: http://www.sheenasplace.org/

I wish you all the best and I dearly hope that you reach out for help around you (in addition to 3FC) to help you with what you are going through Take good care of yourself!

[FreeSpirit]

I don't really know what to say to help you, when it's so hard for me to help myself when I'm in the same position.

You know that these behaviours aren't normal and that's why you're posting. The best thing you can do for yourself is to start seeing a therapist to help deal with this issues.

[JayEll]

sm177,

I'm sorry you're having such trouble with your eating disorder behaviors. It would likely help to talk to a professional about this, and there are resources available, as mentioned by the other posters.

3FC has a forum that you've probably already found--Chicks in Control--where members can offer insights and support:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=64

Try to see someone in real life as well... This is very important! You need to NOT go it alone. Part of the illness is isolation and secrecy. I'm so glad that you posted here--it shows that you are willing to reach out, and that gives you an excellent chance of recovering.

You can get past this... We want to help as much as we can.

Jay

[djs06]

I wish I knew what to say to help you, but I just wanted to let you know I sympathize, and you're in my thoughts. I agree that you should talk to a professional about this, because for most of us, food issues are about a lot more than food, and (s)he can help you sort those issues out and find healthier ways of dealing with them.

While I've never purged, my bingeing has often been out of control to the point where I felt maniacal. I know it's a really hard thing to gain perspective on and deal with. I agree that the ladies at Chicksin Control are pretty awesome and might be able to give you better insight than I can. But I did want to let you know that you're in my thoughts.