Lizzie - Thanks! I see, however, that you haven't been doin' too shabby yourself lately...you're almost to your first goal!!!
Erincrista - You can borrow anything you want from me girl...especially my son, he's been a real crab lately, so please, borrow him next! As far as what I am doing...well, it's turned pretty planned/strategic lately. When I first went on my diet on the first of July I completely upheaved my way of eating. I went from eating 2-3 big meals a day to eating 6-8 meals a day. This change alone made a big difference in how I ate, and really, my level of excitement about food. If you really want to know how I'm doing it...the truth is that I've trained my stomach to not expect much. When I sit down to eat I make sure that there is a child-size portion on my plate, and then my goal for that meal is to eat slow and try to leave food on my plate. At first this was painful...my stomach protested...but I was just so sick of being fat that I pretty much told my gut to go piss off! After a few days I noticed that my stomach was catching on...not sending out the hunger signal as strongly as it had at the beginning. Okay, now here's the bad part...I don't eat anywhere near enough calories! Hey, I know it's bad...and I've come to terms with that. Some days I go ahead and eat more calories...but never over 1,200 calories (okay, twice I had to go over due to limited food choices) and about every other day I go to add up my calories and discover that I only got up to like 900. My body is used to it...it's working...and I'm happy! But I know it's bad. So in a few days I am going to be enforcing my own calorie minimum...which I think I will set at 1,000 and then move it up in small increments of about 50 additional calories per week, until I get up to a daily minimum of 1,200 calories. The super low calorie diet I've been following was unintentional...I guess I just got so disgusted with myself and fed up with hearing my own excuses that I flipped the script on myself...kinda punished myself via deprivation. I know I'm not alone in this...I know that other people on this board have been in the same mindset, where your just so tired of your circumstances that you begin to hate food...just loathe it...where every time you put food in your mouth you feel guilty, even if you're eating healthy stuff. I've lost the weight by learning to resent food...see it as my enemy. Okay, now that I just went off on a rant...soundin' all nuts...I don't take back a word...and I'd be willing to bet that someone reading this knows exactly what I'm talking about! Have you ever stubbed your toe and gotten mad at the thing you stubbed it on...even though it was your fault for not watching where you were going/wearing shoes/picking up your own junk/etc. It wasn't the things fault, but that doesn't stop you from wanting to throw it through the window, or at least assault it in some similar manner. That's where I've been. I've been stubbing myself on food for years...and I'm tired of blaming myself...tired of being mad at myself and my own human weakness...tired of having my problem continually exasterbated by something so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. So I threw food through the window. I still eat it, but I don't have to like it...and it's never going to have any control over my life again. I made it just another thing to check off on the to-do list, and I do it with the same excitement and ferver I have while mopping the floor.
Okay, I'm done...really! I'm hoping I accurately communicated what I'm feeling somewhere within the above rant. It's just so easy to type something and have it taken out of context...don't want to give anyone the impression that I'm anorexic or such. I guess I just sometimes become jaded and decide it's about time to get real...and be completely honest.
Oh man it's late! Talk to you girlies later on...
Amanda
|
