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Old 04-03-2016, 09:00 PM   #1  
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Default Depressed? Hopless?

Hi everyone. I'm almost hesitant to post something like this because I feel I sound like such a broken record. I guess my intent isn't to vent or express how I feel, the post title already does that. It's more along the lines of having a listening ear or to tell me they're own journey with depression, anxiety, or any other mental health issue brought on by growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive household.

I feel that I definitely cope with these feelings by eating and it's very difficult for me to get back on the healthy/weight loss bandwagon after I've spiraled down into a depressed phase of my life. I undo any progress I've made.

What are your stories, if you would be so brave and kind to share them? Thank you all.
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Old 04-06-2016, 09:45 AM   #2  
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Hi, I didn't grow up in a dysfunctional household. However I do struggle with my anxiety.

When my Dad died, my mom brother and I all turned to food as a comfort. Nothing like some good cookie dough to help the blues.

You can get through it. You can do it!
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Old 04-24-2016, 03:26 PM   #3  
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Originally Posted by snl8387 View Post
Hi, I didn't grow up in a dysfunctional household. However I do struggle with my anxiety.

When my Dad died, my mom brother and I all turned to food as a comfort. Nothing like some good cookie dough to help the blues.

You can get through it. You can do it!
Thank you!!
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Old 07-02-2016, 01:10 PM   #4  
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I struggle with the same issues. After my brother passed away I gained nearly 20 pounds in a year, from depression eating. I already had patterns of binge eating/emotional eating from way back in my childhood. It has been extremely hard to break my habits and change my relationship with food, but I am binge-free for almost 4 months now and I am feeling so much better mentally and physically. I haven't lost too much weight since I started - which can be discouraging. But I know that it takes time for our bodies to adjust, and as long as I know that I am making better decisions for myself and my body, theres no way that it can have an adverse affect on my health. Good luck, hang in there, you're not alone!!
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Old 07-02-2016, 03:46 PM   #5  
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First of all, don't you worry because I think issues with depression and hopelessness are so much more common than we think, especially amongst people who want to lose weight. There's the emotional side which is quite heavy because of how people see obesity and weight gain, but also a physical side - you do actually release less endorphins and feel more sluggish, which just adds to everything else. I mean, we even have a forum just for it:

But it's funny looking back on my own trajectory now, that when I had en eating disorder and would hate fat with every fiber of my being, I could never do anything to truly help myself. I thought my motivation would never allow me to find a true balance, that I could either overeat or not eat at all, and that I was just not capable of finding that middle ground. But over many years of building some confidence and making significant progress in the long run, I've started noticing that I do so much more for myself when I feel good? And I know it sounds obvious, but it's not just a "getting better gradually" thing - I'll notice that I'll eat well if that day I feel refreshed and have my tea and put on my creams and exercise and whatnot, but the one day I choose to sit in my PJs I'll already be so much more prone to going for junk food and overeating. It's so funny to me just how psychological this whole journey is, and the more I go into it, the more I notice it really does have to be mind over matter, because how you feel a defining influence on what you end up doing.

Do try to think of it as progress anyways, though! Even if you gained weight, you're still coming back with more knowledge on how you're supposed to lose weight. There's a whole batch of research and adaptation that you don't have to go through again, and even though we forget it, trying to get into a healthy life with no clue on what the best paths are can be the hardest part. So you're coming back into it, but wiser and therefore more effective in your journey, if you stick to what you know!

While I'm not from an abusive household, I don't have much support, and what I have learned (and hopefully will help, even if in the slightest) is that you're the one who's doing your research, you're the one who's investing the time to figure out what works best for your body and your taste and your schedule, so if anyone's going to really know what's best for you (from a very objective standpoint) it's you. So if you do receive a lot of critique, what helps me is to be totally objective and realize my family doesn't really know anything about health, and I'm no expert but I've already gained a knowledge base to know that what I'm doing really is good for me and it's none of their business to tell me otherwise without knowing what they're talking about. It seems harsh, but family members will often be very subjective and try to put you down for reasons as trivial as jealousy or discomfort with changes around the house, so it's best to not give those comments undeserved value.

Wish you the best of luck!
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Old 08-22-2016, 01:25 PM   #6  
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I come from an abusive household as well. My mother in particular. She has narcissistic and borderline personality disorder, and she spent most of my life picking on me for being fat (now I look back on those pictures and can't believe I thought I was fat. Ridiculous).

I also comfort myself with food. When I feel upset that's what I want. I've had a stressful busy year (had my first baby 9 months ago) and regained all the weight I lost last year. I've also been struggling with anxiety and depression randomly. I want so much to be strong and skinnier so I have energy for my life and my son, and to wear clothes without feeling bad about myself. I need to lose weight, but I also need to learn how to love and cherish myself, and to be my own mother.

Sometimes, at least for me, the negative self talk just takes over and overwhelms me. It helps me to think of it saying whatever it's saying in a Gollum voice (super weird and nerdy). But it reframes it and makes it sound ridiculous which helps sometimes. Also, I'll try to think if that voice is helping me, cheering me on or just being a Debbie downer. The deal is this: if gollum can put on a cheerleadering outfit and cheer for me, great! If not, gollum can shut the **** up!
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Old 08-22-2016, 02:10 PM   #7  
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Not an abusive household, but my depression/anxiety started during my parent's hideous divorce process. I had actually just spent 2 years working my way down from 220lbs to 155lbs when it all started, and as you can see by looking at my signature, I stress ate myself all the way up to 250. I tried to loss it for a couple of years with no results. It wasn't until I got my depression and anxiety sorted out (I ended up needing medication for a good 9 months) that I was able to see any progress at all.

I still have the occasional little bouts with anxiety and mild depression, but I can generally manage them pretty well now. I know some people like to be private about this kind of thing, but it really helped me to be completely open about it. It kind of freaked people out at first, but I needed to do what was right for me.

Lifting has been great for me too. It makes me feel good about myself, which is always a plus, but especially when you are feeling depressed.
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Old 09-10-2016, 04:27 AM   #8  
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When I was little, my mum who was my sole caretaker developed what looks quite like paranoid shizophrenia, at least based on the delusions and psychotic episodes (never went to the doctor) on top of what was previously diagnosed as borderline personality disorder and a nice mix of anxiety/panic/depression disorders. I don't know if I should call it abuse when it was just collateral damage from her own distress... Anyway, the pain was real even if she didn't mean to. My grandparents knew, but never did anything except bring me full shopping bags of sweets to "coat the nerves". I always sort of felt like I have the "right" to sweeten things up after a particularly bad run in with life and was actually quite angry that I'm being "punished" for it by gaining weight at one time...

I did a lot of healing and I'm quite OK now, but I still get anxious rather easily and the flashbacks stopped only about a year ago. But I'm determined to come on top of it, recognize it as a challenge and learn what I can from it.

Quite recently I had a weird thought about anxiety and eating. Might sound like some mumbo-jumbo to other people, I can't tell, it helped me. In my native language, anxiety is called "narrowness". Narrowness of the view, of the options a person sees, but also of the throat and chest. I realized that when anxious, it feels a bit like I'm trying to force my chest and heart space open by swallowing food. I think the same mechanism can be considered with people who can't eat when stressed and anxious, they feel the "narrowing", but don't try to force it open, which is in fact quite a self-violent act if you think about it. And then the word "courage" came to my mind. The origin of the word is in the french word for heart, it used to refer to the innermost feelings. By some interpretations, courage meant to speak or act from the heart. For me, these actions are associated with feelings of opening up the chest and heart. They help anxiety more than food.

Another reason I might eat when distressed is to find a link to reality, to stabilize myself, as a means of anchoring me to the physical world. This one is harder. Yoga and meditation are great, but they're the last things on my mind when I'm in that state. Talking to people helps a lot though, even writing everything out on some forum somewhere, but it's hard to overcome the feeling I'm being a burden to people. However, from my experience, many people are actually really glad to be able to help. Many even find it an honor to be let close enough to help.
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Old 09-16-2016, 09:22 PM   #9  
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I was in a terrible place in my life and gained a lot of weight. I was drinking WAY more than anyone should, and stuffing my emotions down with food. I had to make a change and luckily enough I have. I still struggle with it sometimes, but as we all know this is a journey and we get better every day. Keep your head up and realize that you are truly in control of how you feel about things. We are all here for you if you need us.
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