My boyfriend and I just broke up about a month ago and I've been pretty depressed over the situation. I've been talking about finally going on a diet and exercising because I feel my weight is getting out of control. Today I finally started feeling hopeful that I might find a better guy, my best friend told me, "well I don't see who will like you for yourself right now, but we can work on it". Does anyone find this motivational or just really mean? She's trying to tell me that it was meant to motivate me, but all it did was make me really sad/upset. Am I being over emotional about this?
Sounds to me like she was just being rude. I'd ignore her and do what makes you happy. That being said, make sure whatever it is that you do, you're doing it for yourself and not for the attention you think you may or may not get from someone else. You've gotta love yourself girl! Congrats on deciding to start the journey, and welcome!
I think for the most part, when best friends say things, they mean them for the best, but they can surely sound very hurtful. I've dealt with the same thing with my best friend. It can be emotional to go through a breakup, or even to just start dating again, and you can, and I am sure, WILL find a better guy out there! Take it as a sign that she wants to help, and that she cares enough to tell you how she sees you, and loves you enough to tell you that she wants to help. Use it as motivation (even if it felt as an insult) to fuel yourself forward, and help you along. I don't know you, but I bet that you have it in you to get to whatever goal you have in mind! I will tell you, if you DON'T feel good about yourself, it will show through, and if you are confident, then people will notice the confidence!! I'm right where you are as well! I'm at the starting point as well, and I have a long ways to go, but you just have to find that support system, and they can help you along... It really helped me to find even just ONE person who kept me going, and turned into my workout partner, and we motivate each other every day, it's great! I wish you the best of luck! I believe in you!
While she might have been trying to go for the whole "tough love" approach, I'd say that was really mean of her to say. You know what is best for you to do, and when it feels right for you to try something. Take what she says with a grain of salt and focus on your goals. No one lives your life but you, and because of that you are the writer of your future.
My boyfriend and I just broke up about a month ago and I've been pretty depressed over the situation. I've been talking about finally going on a diet and exercising because I feel my weight is getting out of control. Today I finally started feeling hopeful that I might find a better guy, my best friend told me, "well I don't see who will like you for yourself right now, but we can work on it". Does anyone find this motivational or just really mean? She's trying to tell me that it was meant to motivate me, but all it did was make me really sad/upset. Am I being over emotional about this?
I just really needed to vent.
Sreya, and welcome! Wow, I'm continually amazed at the things that come out of people's mouths. At the same time, I know I've stuck my foot in it at times. First, I'm sorry about your breakup. Second, do you think it is possible that your best friend might have been addressing your depression? Even so there are much kinder ways to get at this. For instance, good for you Sreya! I think it's a great idea to channel your sadness and depression into you and your goals to figure out what you really want! Can I help in any way? Personally, I don't find her comment motivational. Also, spend some time reading these boards. Plenty of the chicks are with or found their true love near or at their highest weights. You can too at any weight, but I do think you owe it to yourself to work through your sadness and the ending of this relationship so you can approach a new relationship with an open and healed heart and peaceful mind.
(Apologies for gaps and misspellings; I'm typing on my phone)
Last edited by curvynotlumpy; 07-31-2013 at 04:27 PM.
I don't know you, your friend, or your relationship, but I was touched by the phrasing "WE can work on it". Might she be an exceptionally good friend ?
Thanks everyone! I'm really glad you guys took the time out to respond. curvynotlumpy, I really appreciate what you said. I need to work on me first before I try to find another relationship. Deana509 Thanks! I thought about what you said and thought although poorly worded, I think she did mean it to be helpful even though it wasn't.
First of all, welcome and stick around! :P You'll find good motivation a truly helpful people around here.
To address your problem...even though it sounded mean and it's surely not true, I think she didn't mean it like that/didn't think through what she said. I know that, because it happened to me to say nasty stuff without even realizing how hurtful they were to the other person. But the fact that she wants to help you is commendable.
You liking yourself is the most important thing and I'm sure you want others to like you for yourself. So if you like yourself, you'll find the right person, a person that likes you for yourself (you don't want to be with that type of person that likes "fixing" others, or with a person that likes you for something that you'd desperately like to change about yourself). And if you feel that you need to make a change, you should go for it and stick with it.
How would you react to this?
Sreya, and welcome! Wow, I'm continually amazed at the things that come out of people's mouths. At the same time, I know I've stuck my foot in it at times. First, I'm sorry about your breakup. Second, do you think it is possible that your best friend might have been addressing your depression? Even so there are much kinder ways to get at this. For instance, good for you Sreya! I think it's a great idea to channel your sadness and depression into you and your goals to figure out what you really want! Can I help in any way? Personally, I don't find her comment motivational. Also, spend some time reading these boards. Plenty of the chicks are with or found their true love near or at their highest weights. You can too at any weight, but I do think you owe it to yourself to work through your sadness and the ending of this relationship so you can approach a new relationship with an open and healed heart and peaceful mind.
