Hi everyone,
I've been a member on these forums for a long time, posting sporadically.
Part of me hates these forums - rather, hates the way they make me feel about myself and others. Please forgive me and allow me a moment of blatant honesty to myself here.
Over my time on these forums, I have learned a lot - about nutrition, food choices, portions, calorie awareness... I have learned how much of my life is controlled by my anxiety.
In my time off of 3FC I have missed the moral support, missed the people who understood what I was going through. I achieved my best successes through 3FC. It also made me an obsessive creature - constantly wanting to be on the forum, unable to eat with a healthy mind.
I don't know how to achieve this balance at all. I'm back up to a weight I hate. I'm so unhappy with my body and am single for the first time in years. I'm approaching my "late" twenties, as opposed to "mid" twenties and I need to take better care of myself, wholly.
On the other hand, I will will be dealing with my food and weight issues for the rest of my life. I know I'll never reach my goal and be able to let loose. I need to do better at the day to day moderation aspect of eating and fitness. I need to not get obsessive about being 200 cals over or under, not be critical about what everyone else around me, judging them because I feel insecure, then feeling like a terrible person and indulging in bad psychological cycles.
I don't want to move my life control issues from binge eating to binge dieting. It's hard to see other posters on these forums sometimes because I feel like that's what they're doing, what *we're* doing, and I feel awful for us.
There are a lot of options I'm considering in helping me through this chapter of my life.
In terms of diet, I'm going to resume calorie counting while implementing some other personal diet wisdom I've accumulated.
In terms of fitness, I'm better at having FUN while I work out than I used to. I've been enjoying summer cycling about, and for the last 6 months I have been attending a really lovely Kung Fu class. What I like about these things is that i enjoy them for more than just a tool for weight loss.
I need to work on delaying self-gratification.
I need to stop thinking of a great time as being eating and drinking.
It's time to really think about seeing a psychologist and a dietician
Thanks for listening - it means a lot. I look forward to being more motivated.
Wishing myself a "welcome back"
