Hello Everyone,
Its been a couple months since I have been on the forums. I am officially coming back but first I would like to confess my many food sin's to get them out of my head. I hope it doesn't turn out to be to long.
Christmas is usually the ruin of many peoples diets, but somehow I powered through December actually managing to lose weight. I was proud of myself, I have beat the month everyone worries about when losing weight. January hit and my exercise habits continued but started to waiver. I started to tell myself that I "deserve" that extra day off and that extra 1 day turned into several days a week.
In February my boyfriend and I decided to have a weekend of crap food. After dieting for more then half a year I was fed up of watching everyone eat whatever they wanted. I wish I could say it was a valid excuse but I know it was not. We feasted that weekend on everything we could think of pizza (from the grocery store), chips, candy, popcorn and probably more that I can't remember. It was delicious! When Monday came everything was supposed to return to normal healthy eating and exercise. I wish I could tell you all that it did...
No one tells you how much of a mental and emotional game losing weight is. I won't lie after months of losing .2lb a week, I was tired and fed up completely. That frustration turned into rebelling against myself and my new eating habits. If I had to chance to eat crap food I did it, I would talk myself into eating it. I told myself I "deserved it" after the long months of deprivation, I said that I "needed to live my life", that I was "only 21 and deserved to have fun". This type of eating continued and eventually got worse, I was now branching out from junk food to restaurant food.
This is embarrassing but one day I ordered a baked mac & cheese, large poutine and sweet potato fries. After that epic feast I went out to a bakery and bought some eclairs, 1 mini carrot cake and something else I can't recall. It was gone in a night. I remember feeling bad, like I shouldn't be doing what I was doing but I was complacent with everything. I didn't think that my body would allow me to lose anymore weight, that I was stuck with the body I had and still hated. Basically, I had let go of all my control and given up.
This went on until the end of March. Every week I told myself I was going to "start over", only to give myself a excuse to cheat again in a day or tell myself I was to tired to work out. In this time I managed to gain back 7lbs, I may not seem like a lot but in only 3 months I think it's substantial. It could have easily been more if I had let myself continue down the path I was going. It was so unbelievably easy to slip back into crappy eating and not working out... So easy. Although it really sucks, I am actually happy that I learned how simple it is to revert into old habits. I think it will keep me aware and watching for those old habits trying to sneak there evil way back into my life.
Anyway, I am back for good now. I have taken all the crap out of my house, filled it with good stuff and started measuring my portions again. I have reset my calorie tracker and will still hopefully be at 125 by the end of June. That sounds reasonable right, 10lbs in 3 months? I am aiming for 15 but because its so hard to lose the last little bit I will be happy with 10. I am glad to be back everyone!
