So obviously off topic but I figured you guys would be the most help to me haha... I'll try to make it short, cant promise anything.
(backstory) I had to redo all my high school credits becuase I didn't get accepted into my college program until I was out of hs for 5 years, while doing one of them I met this other girl, who was also wanting to the do same program as me. So we did pretty much all of our credits together, and we got accepted together. So we have been best friends for a few years, and last year when we were on campus we drove together everywhere, and everybody knew we were best friends. We've been away from campus for a year, and during this time we had a few online courses. We had quizzes every week and we'd always call each other and do it together, I had to move away for one of my hospital placements, and while I was there we stopped doing them together. I'd ask when she wanted to do it and she was like "oh well I got the answers", so I would just do it on my own cuz I didn't want the answers.
So come back to campus now, and our schedules are kinda different so she decided she didn't want to carpool. And I got there on monday and found out this lady (like a 50 year old thats in our program) is now living with her.. and they're the gruesome twosome. This lady likes to take little stabs at me, even though I've never been mean to her - actually I helped her study for 5 hours last year for the finals cuz she didn't get it. Neither of them are really talking to me either.. and I had to go out of my way to sit with them, and sometimes they'd sit where there was only two seats so I had to sit somewhere else. And then class today I sat where we usually sit, with a whole row available, the lady sees me and goes down 3 more rows and sits in the middle so I'm left sitting by myself. Everyone is asking what happened between me and Jenn (my best friend) because we're never talking anymore.
I'm just really frustrated, and I don't know how to deal with it and I don't think its healthy for me to be upset over it. I tried to ask her to go to coffee, but she said that shes really busy, and she'd have to see what Bev (the other lady) is doing. And even if I try to talk to her, I don't know what I'd say that doesn't make me sound like a baby.
Hi there,
wow sounds like they are acting like spoilt 6 year olds.. unfortunately in life women can be so "*****y" and its its awful difficult and upsetting to deal with..i'm sure men can be also, its just i have experience with groups of women.. TORTURE lol trying to please everyone, i have little patience so i tend to drift in the opposite direction of difficult people etc, whereas most men are more relaxed about things and tend to be forthcoming when they have an issue..
can you join some clubs or societies? and try and mingle and meet other people..
i don't know, but i recon its probably best not to be in such close quarters if they are behaving like idiots .. plus i have found in the past, that people that act like that are not worth any of your time..
when you start to veer off with "sound like minded " people, you "friend" will probably want you back as a best mate..
Wow, being friend dumped is never fun, especially when you don't know why. I've had a friend dump experience, so I know how much it can hurt. I think the best way to go about this would just be to talk to her openly about it. Say something like, "Look, I don't know what the deal has been, but I feel like you have been blowing me off recently, and I miss your friendship." Maybe she's mad about something, but she's a little too passive to really say it; or, maybe she's having trouble because her roommate obviously doesn't like you. Unfortunately, it could be too just that natural drift that sometimes can happen in friendships around our age. Either way, if she's not willing to talk to you about it, or to make some form of committment to the friendship, I'd move on. You can't make people be your friend.
I'd try and venture out and meet other people in your classes. I understand your effort at saving your friendship with this girl, but, like I said, if she's so unwilling to put any effort back into it, I'd let her have what she wants.
Last edited by Song of Surly; 01-11-2012 at 04:21 PM.
I don't want to come off judgmental, but I know it's going to be read that way, a 50 year old room-mating with a young lady & acting like that? Your friend is defending her by allowing the behavior this older woman has shown you.
I would definitely try talking to her if you value the friendship. Which I assume you do. But if it appears at any given moment that you aren't being taken serious, cut ties. It isn't worth your effort at that point or your health stressing over an issue you can not control. Wish her the best with the bitter older lady [there I go again] & focus on your own happiness.
Thanks so much guys, we pretty much have cut ties. We barely talk anymore, and anytime the lady is around she cuts me off so I never say a word around them anymore anyways.
I do know other people in our class, there is 75 of us but everyone kinda has their little group, and I feel not welcome in them (though I'm sure that's not necessarily the case).
MissGuided, I'm completely with you. It frustrates me because I feel like I'm acting older than she is. I'm okay with sitting with her, helping her, whatever but she's the one that purposefully goes out of their way not be to be around me, like she's saying "teehee I got her to sit with me and now you're sitting by yourself!"
I'm nervous to try and talk to her because I feel like a) She'll tell the lady what I've said, b) I'll sound like a kid whining and c) it will make it awkward and potentially worse.
But thanks again for letting me vent guys. I don't want to focus on it when I have 11 classes, and I'm going to the gym everyday but I just can't seem to shake it
I would just keep it simple with something like "I feel like you are distancing yourself from me. Did I do something wrong?" Maybe she'll open up and you can sort it out. Or maybe she'll act like she doesn't know what your talking about, in which case, I'd say she seems a bit flakey and it's time to move on.
People will come and go in your life, the girl I was best friends with in high school I barely speak to - sh!t happens and you just have to move on. Just tell her that you would like to speak to her about you and her and what happened, and if she says she's busy then take the hint and move forward. It will be hard, considering what a d!ck she and her new grandma friend are being, but it's clear as day that she's already moved on so there's no point sitting around waiting for things to change.
Maybe you'll get to clear things up if she lets you talk to her, but honestly don't hold your breath - I personally don't think I'd want to associate nor waste my time on someone like her.
Sorry this has happened to you!
Last edited by Riestrella; 01-11-2012 at 07:06 PM.
That Bev lady sounds controlling. She is obviously jealous of the friendship you and Jenn had and is doing everything to keep you away. I had the same thing happen with a friend of mine years ago. The new friend said mean things about me until I stopped going to visit my friend. I don't really know what to suggest, perhaps try to get Jenn alone and ask her what's going on. Or suggest to Bev that you all go out for coffee. If I knew that it wouldn't cause you grief, I would tell you to give that Bev a piece of your mind, but she would probably cause trouble, so probably not a good idea. Good luck.
I got friend dumped once. Surprising how common it is.
I turned to the people sitting behind me in class and said: "I know this sounds silly but I don't have anyone to sit with, do you mind if I sit with you?" and ended up laughing about it with the people that became my new friends. I think you should ask for an explanation from your friend but I don't think youll get one. Be prepared for that and try the tactic above to bond with other people in your class, if they already know what happened it should be easy.
I still remember the horrified looks on my friend dumpers faces who had thought they could upset me by pretending I was invisible.
It is bullying and it's all about control, take that control away from them while maintaining a sense of humour about the whole thing and move on. Good luck .
Wow the 50 year-old sounds pretty ridiculous. Sounds like she wants your friend all to herself. I guess I would cut ties, then reunite when the lady leaves...otherwise you would have to fight her for your friend.
Dealing with 'cattiness'
but everyone kinda has their little group, and I feel not welcome in them (though I'm sure that's not necessarily the case).
