I've known my Fiance for nearly 3 years and we have been engaged a year ago. We met through World of Warcraft when he was in college and we managed to squeeze in time/money to fly to see each other throughout the years, I know for sure I found the one.

Here's the thing...His mom HATE me.

I understand, hate is a strong word, but nothing can describe the amount of negative comments/actions she has put me through. I am torn because I never had a complete family myself, when growing up my dad was never around because of business reasons. We are long distance, I am from Canada, and he is from America. I will be moving to America if we get married, which means leaving my mom and going to a land that I won't have any relatives close by.

I wanted a loving/large family bad, but his mom pretty much made it impossible to happen. She has made it clear that she wants me and him to break up, so she can find a girl that she approves.

When I was fat, she used to say "I don't think you love her." to him, as an excuse of not treating me as her future daughter in law. Now, when I lost more weight, all she has been saying is how much money I spend on new clothes, and how I will "spend every money we have and max out his Credit Cards". I never bothered with my appearance because it never mattered, I wore the same hoodie throughout highschool, and didn't spend money on clothes at all, I didn't dye my hair or even bothered with a haircut. When I lost the weight, I felt like I can be beautiful, makeup actually made me prettier, dresses actually fit, and my hair even made a difference.

I am so sad, I don't know why this woman won't allow me into her home. I tried talking to her, and she responded positively, saying how she'll try to be more patience with me. But everything I post on Facebook, she will find a way to twist and turn the words, she simply formed an opinion of me that will never change, no matter what I do ...

Me and my Fiance recently flew back to Beijing to visit my relatives, my family paid for the ticket from Vancouver - china and back, also including all the food/hotel/etc. He didn't have to spend anything but the ticket from his place to mine. My mom gave her mom a Louis Vuitton bag and nice things for all of his family member, hoping that she would be appreciative of me and treat me better. Not only she didn't, it got worse to a point where I simply had to remove her from my Facebook because I could not post anything without her twisting my words.

My family is at a slightly richer situation than his family (We live in the city and they live on the country side), she always said I will not adapt to the "poor" lifestyle and leave my fiance with our future children.

I don't know what to do at this point.. Am I doomed to be with in a horrible relationship with my future Mother-In-Law?

Have you tried sitting down and talking to her about how you feel? I dont have any issues with my mother-in-law so I really don't know what to tell you. Sometimes letting someone know how you feel makes them think twice about things and how they treat others.

She sounds like the lady from the movie Monster In Law.

What has your fiance said to his mother about the situation?

She might just feel threatened that she's no longer the #1 woman in his life, or maybe she's unhappy of her life and jealous of your success in weight loss, your family economic position, etc. I can't say she'll NEVER change, but if I were in your situation I wouldn't want to place myself near her geographically. Is there a possible way for him to move to Canada, or for both of you to move someplace further away from where he is now? I know running from the situation isn't an ideal solution, but I personally just try to stay away from people who are negative such as his mother.

I'm sorry you're in such a crappy situation, and while my boyfriend's mother is nowhere near as nasty as your fiance's mom I can sympathize with having a future 'monster-in-law'.

Sounds like a nasty pickle
Question 1- your man... what's he say about this? Is he defending his mother? is he saying things like "Yeah I know she's hard to get along with but just deal with it." Is he taking your side? Is he around when his mom says these things? Has he seen the facebook posts?
My advice may not be right.. but in my opinion if your man won't step up for you now... he never will.

If he's not willing to back talk to his mother about you, is he willing to stay away from her?
Lots of people have to deal with a nasty mother-in-law, men and women...but it's much better when the incounters are few and far between. Will you be living in the same town as the mother? same state? My advice here is, the further, the better. Why do you have to move? Does he have a better job in america? He can't get one in canada? What's the plan and is it fair for both of you? This is something the two of you need to talk about.

I understand that this might just be a test to see if you are worth her son. But being nasty just makes her a bi*ch.

Some people are only happy when they're making others miserable - obviously I dont know your personal situation so I can't really comment but just remember: never make someone a priority in your life when you're only an option in theirs. Besides you found someone you want to spend your life with - thats fantastic - don't let anyone diminish that. That said, hang in there and congratulations

I'd sit down and have a very serious conversation with your fiancé about it. Does he stick up for you when she says these things? How does he react? Does he have suggestions on how to deal with her? Would you guys live close to her?

I've had friends who have been in similar situations and I have to say the best marriages were the ones where each partner stood up for the other and didn't let their mother or father belittle their spouse.

I don't really have much more advice because I think the most telling thing is how your fiance reacts to her comments. If he sticks up for you and/or knows how to handle her and/or you guys wouldn't live close to hear, well, I don't think your move will be too bad. But if you guys end up living right next to her and he has the "deal with it amongst yourselves" attitude, it might make things much more difficult.

Here's the thing with his mom. My fiance stood up for me everytime and they have hours of argument about me. He just bought some ticket to see me, and they had another "episode" because she is enraged that he is spending money when he should be saving it. She is right, but we won't be seeing each other for another year and this is the only time I get to see him.

He doesn't know how to handle it. It's pretty much like, if he does anything nice for me, she gets mad. If he listens to her and doesn't do nice things for me(which never happened), I will get mad. He is kind of the "stuck-in-middle" person and I feel bad for him ;(

Both of us just wanted to have a supportive family, but it is so out of the picture at this moment.

Unfortunately, I will be staying in his home town because he is having problem finding a decent job. I will be in close proximity of his mom. I am also fairly certain she talked crap about me to all his relatives, and I am kind of screwed.

This whole thing just depresses me so bad ;(

The situation sucks. It sounds like the mother definately has the problem and it has nothing to do with you. Unfortunately we cant make people like us, do what we would like them to do etc, but as far as the rest of the relatives go, I always remember someone saying something along the lines of if people talk badly of you, conduct yourself in such a way that others could not believe that what they were saying was true of you So basically, you cant stop her hating you, talking badly about her, but you CAN behave with integrity, politeness, courtesy, honesty, decency etc (all those qualities you have that your fiance loves!) so that no matter what she does or says about you, other people will have difficulty seeing you in that way

Ignore it and concentrate on making her son happy. You can't force people to like you, especially when they didn't have any reason to dislike you in the first place.

Wow, that sounds extremely difficult for both you and your fiance.

You said that you guys aren't going to be able to see each other in a year? Does that mean the wedding is after that and you still have a year to plan for you move?

In that case, I'd strongly suggest looking around for other places to move to. You and your fiance will be starting a new life together and I can't imagine how difficult that will be if you have your MIL's disapproving glare all the time. Especially with them so close by. I don't know what type of job your fiance is looking for but definitely look around more at other cities! He'll probably have a better chance then to find a job.

What about you? Are you looking for a job there too? Would your income be enough for you two to live off of somewhere else? I'm not saying you necessarily want to move half way across the country but maybe just far enough so you're not going to constantly have unexpected visits from your MIL.

About the extended family. Let them decide for themselves! It might be worth asking your fiance if your MIL has done something similar to other people. She might just be someone who judges people instantaneously and the extended family might realize that alright and have dismissed her comments about you. Seriously, you never know! FWIW, I had some issues with this once (totally different situation but there was a misunderstanding, mostly due to cultural difference and a lot of people were talking about me). When I saw them again, I just held me head high, was as polite as possible and tried to prove every one of those rumors wrong. I haven't heard anything about it since then so it seems they've gone away.

It sounds like your fiance is really trying to do what's right in a very tough situation. I've had some friends in very similar situations as yourself. It's extremely hard because you just can't change someone else no matter what you do. The best thing my friends have found is putting some distance between themselves and these family members for some breathing space.

That sounds like a really rough situation. I also play WoW, and dated a guy I met in my previous guild for about a year long-distance (same country though thankfully - and within driving distance - but far enough that weekend trips were out of the picture). Ultimately it didn't work out, but I can at least sympathize on that front. I actually have a friend who met her husband on WoW (from the same previous guild that I was in), she is Canadian (from Vancouver too actually!) and ended up moving here to the Philly area a few years ago. I definitely commend anyone willing to go through that process - it sounds really rough - and wish you the best and all the happiness in the future.

As far as dealing with his mother... well, I hate to say it, but it sounds like it might be a lost cause. There are some people who can't handle their children getting married, especially if they have some kind of bias/dislike of the person. They feel like they're "losing" their child forever, and choose to be mean and smallminded rather than welcome a new person into their family to love and build memories with.

Based on the information you provided, this is what I would do.

I would not try to talk to her, it would be admitting that her tactics are getting to you and make things worse. Also give up on getting her to like you. Don't try to buy her any more expensive gifts or anything like that.

Take the high road and kill her with kindness (it will drive her nuts). If she engages you in any way do ANYTHING but respond negatively (run upstairs and scream into a pillow if you have to). Regardless of what she says just stay polite and composed.

Spend as little time with her as possible and keep her at arms length. Don't do something that's an obvious avoidance but do everything you can to politely see as little of her as possible. Also keep the conversation VERY light. Don't tell her anything she could use against you.

Try not to think about how angry you are. Focus on the things about your fiancee/MIL that you are grateful for. Keep the energy positive. Do your best to not complain to your fiancee about his mother. If she does something inappropriate just calmly tell him - "I didn't appreciate that but oh well, I'm a big girl" Then change the subject. Long dramatic conversations about how upset you are wont help the situation.

My mother always complained about her in laws to my dad and to ME and it ALWAYS rubbed me the wrong way. My grandparents aren't perfect but they definitely have redeeming qualities. I wish my mother would have focused on the positive and kept her negative opinions to herself. It was wrong of her to put down my grandparents in front of me.

Try to let the anger go and just accept that you have to deal with a less than ideal situation. Don't let her drama get to you.

GOOD LUCK!!!

Oh boy, so know what you're going through! I met my husband through WoW as well, and his mother didn't really like me. She wasn't as open about it as your future in-law was but she made her opinion clear. My advice is to flat out ignore it. Yeah, it sucks that she's not what you'd want in an in-law. But you're with her son, not her. Ignore her barbs, she's just baiting you hoping for a reaction. Be civil and polite but avoid spending time with her when possible. Make sure your man knows that you appreciate him standing up for you She'll either get tired of being mean all the time or she'll die eventually :-P Be strong and don't let her get to you. My mother-in-law eventually got used to the fact that I'm with her son and she actually tries to be nice now. It will get better

^^ This. I was in an identical situation with my husband. It took his family about 5 years after we got together to be even remotely cool with me (having my daughter helped). It's a very tough situation, but if you and he at least can agree on how this can be handled best, you may be able to work past it.

Good luck!!!

Just a question...... How much time have you really physically spent with him in three years? Maybe she is thinking that he does not even know you, and why is he wasting his time with you when you are so far away? That is why she is nasty to you. Not saying it's right....just saying.