Uncomfortable when people mention how big I was...
People mention my weight loss on a fairly regular basis now, and it seems that now, even small increments of weight loss are noticed.
There is one guy that I work with who knew me when I was in the 240s, and then didn't see me again until now.
He says "Wow! You lost weight - you really used to be... you know..." - and then he used his arms to mime a very large circumference around his body and says "really really big!" I smiled politely and said "Yeah, I've lost some weight. Thanks for noticing, I've worked very hard!"
Then he goes on to say "I bet you have a 6' tall boyfriend who is like, a fire fighter or something now!" ...
Ugh.
Two things really bugged me... 1.) Was it necessary to make a visual on large you perceived me to me?? I know was I big, thanks. Can't you just tell me I look good without reminding me of something I feel pretty ashamed of?
2.) Why, now that I am smaller, do people think that I've earned some sort of new level of man? Like, when I was bigger, I couldn't have possibly been with someone tall with a good job?? Do big girls only get to date trolls? What??
Gahhh... Luckily, I'm still big enough that no one is trying to tell me I'm "too skinny" yet like a lot of other people on this forum seem to be...
What kind of comments are you all getting as you lose weight? What really grinds your gears?
lol.. i laugh because my friends tell me the same. Not to be mean but you were huge. Hello if i was so HUGE why didnt anyone tell me... I am in the process of loosing more im afraid what they are saying now that im in the weight im at now. but whatever people are gonna talk no matter what. tall short skinny fat.
If he had not of noticed you would have felt just as bad. Most people are not sure what to say for this exact reason which makes it a big elephant in the room and an uncomfortable situation either way. I think he was just trying to tell you that you looked "hot" and appreciated the weight loss. Maybe he did not do it in the way you would have wanted but it is a touchy subject.
While I agree that it is a tricky subject and he probably was trying his best to say something positive, I agree with you that he totally flubbed it and he doesn't even realize it. Try not to let his flaw get you down. Weight can be lost, but he's not likely to upgrade his personality.
Sounds like he was making an effort & he's not used to doing that, and he didn't carry it off very well.
You really have to pity this guy for his problem with sensitivity and tact. I'm imagining him seeing handsome actors in TV shows & some of his best buddies in action with women at bars, and he envies them for being so smooth, so witty. So he makes his own attempt at communicating in that same breezy, debonair manner with an attractive girl, trying to tell her that he thinks she's hot -- and it's a FAIL. A complete & utter failure. No talking his way out of this one.
I hope he's home knocking his head against a wall repeatedly, muttering: "How could I be so DUMB???"
Surely he saw your face change & the light leave your eyes when he uttered these remarks.
I think what he wanted to say was something like: "Wow, babe, you are looking so hot today, you need a firefighter around to put you out -- heh heh heh."
Well, no one said that losing weight would also remove all the jerks from our lives, or increase the intelligence of bystanders.
You're doing great. Try to laugh at these awkward tributes. As Yoyoma the Non-Cellist says above, it's his flaw, not yours.
I know what you mean some people don't have any idea how to compliment on weight loss. I think that was happening with that guy too.
I usually hear something like: "Oh, you must be feeling way better now with all that weight gone?!" or "How is your workout going?"
The last one just irks me because slim people never ask other slim people how the workout is going. They might discuss different exercises but really ask how it is going in the gym? I haven't hear about that.
The other thing is it feels like they check up on me to see if I am still working out aka on track of losing and not gaining again.
Not sure why people have to ask about the weight loss anyways. Compliment me if you want but unless you are overweight yourself and want serious advice keep it to yourself!
The boyfriend comment is inappropriate, though true, to be honest. I mean, really, wouldn't you have higher standards for men at 130 than you do at 250? I know that the thinner I am, the less likely I am to "settle." How many super-fat women do you know with attractive, thin AND educated boyfriends? I'm not talking about when a woman has a baby post-marriage and gains weight -- that's completely different. Still, though, it is one of those things that doesn't need to be said, especially when you are not in an intimate friendship with someone (only seeing them every few months).
I agree with you that it can get awkward when people discuss your weight loss. I hate it when people post on my facebook wall about it, because not everyone in the world knows me when I was very fat. If you must comment, send a private message!
I struggle with all of this so much. Every day I'm getting comments from people I see both regularly, and haven't seen in a while, telling me how good I look "now," and many of the other tactless things mentioned. It's hard because I get sad and frustrated by the things they say, and mostly the way they say them, but as mentioned I'd be even more frustrated if people weren't noticing or saying anything. It's really tricky sometimes.
Comments drive me crazy. I especially agree with the one a previous poster made about people seemingly "checking up on you". I have one coworker who constantly says things. I mean every day isn't an exaggeration... Drives me batty. She always has been a yapper and loves to mention "when I was 200 pounds years ago it was so horrible blahblah" (way to make me feel great when I was well above that...)
"how much weight have you lost? Are you on a special diet? Those pants are too big for you. That shirt is too big now. You shouldn't wear it. How many pounds have you lost,? What is your secret? I can't believe how small you are. You're shrinking before my eyes. Are you sure you aren't doing a special diet?" SOANNOYING. A few weeks ago I answered the "how many pounds have you lost" with "none of your business. How many pounds have you gained?" but she didn't take the hint...
The boyfriend comment is inappropriate, though true, to be honest. I mean, really, wouldn't you have higher standards for men at 130 than you do at 250? I know that the thinner I am, the less likely I am to "settle." How many super-fat women do you know with attractive, thin AND educated boyfriends? I'm not talking about when a woman has a baby post-marriage and gains weight -- that's completely different. Still, though, it is one of those things that doesn't need to be said, especially when you are not in an intimate friendship with someone (only seeing them every few months).
I agree with you that it can get awkward when people discuss your weight loss. I hate it when people post on my facebook wall about it, because not everyone in the world knows me when I was very fat. If you must comment, send a private message!
When I met my husband, I was overweight - and before him, there were other guys who were not right for me, who still wanted to be with me. I didn't settle, even though i wasn't in the best shape. And while I don't know many "super-fat" women with attractive, thin AND educated boyfriends, I know many heavy women who are single, because they choose not to settle. And they shouldn't, unless they want to.
While his compliment may be true for some women, there are others for whom it couldn't be more false.
Uncomfortable when people mention how big I was...
