Ok I am quite embarassed to ask this but I do feel I need some extra opinion on the matter.
Recently I started chatting with a guy from the internet. I usually don't do it cause I tend to distrust internet dating but somehow this guy seemed ok to me. Anyways we have been chatting for a while now and we decided to put a webcam on tonight. Around 20 minutes of chatting he goes drops the whole "I want to see your b.o.o.b.s" bomb to which I sincerely answered that getting naked in front of a camera is not a thing I do for someone i don't know. He goes "u want to see my a..." and he proceeds to lower his pants which causes me to go "WTF !" and stop the camera connection.
And then he goes into this whole rant about how i am too conservative and how i need to build up a self-esteem. I said that I don't feel i am conservative (I actually did a webcam striptease for an ex, but I had been with the guy for 2.5 years before that happened) and i sincerely don't think this has anything to do with my body esteem.
Anyway this seems to happen to me a lot. Usually i chat and flirt with people normally for a week and then they drop this bomb on me which causes me to say no and they stop contacting with me. Ok my question is... Do u think i am too conservative? Do u think this is a body esteem? It really made me question myself. What if I am acting too prudish or something. Do people our age find it normal to do that?
I know... I am stupid, but this is the first time I am chatting someone for two months before he asks something like this (usually it happens earlier and so it's a reason i don't like internet dating) so it really made me question myself and how i act and whether i've ruined a chance or something
NO - You're not too conservative - you're meeting the wrong type of people. and NO it's not esteem - it's called being SMART - do you want them to be taping you on the other end and posting that online? Seriously, anyone who tries to talk you into that when you don't even KNOW them, seriously KNOW them, is absurd. Yes, you've known them for two months online, but that's different - and if they stop after you say no, that's all they were after before - who knows how many people they're chatting with and expecting that.
Stay smart and true to you. Don't regret it later.
Ugh, what a creeper! I agree that no means no and, online relationship or not, that boundary needs to be respected. How absurd of him to try and make you out to be the bad guy in the situation too! Conservative my butt.
No way are you too conservative. It's exactly like nationalparker said. For all you know they could be sitting on the other end trying to record it so that they can either post it online or save it for their collection of women they convince to show off their boobs. Personally, I think unless you're dating the person and have been dating then for a long time (no less then a year) then that is just completely stupid and inappropriate and honestly kind of slutty. I don't think it has anything to do with body image. I think it does have to do with self esteem, but only because you have MORE self esteem then any girl who would be willing to do that. It seems to me if you had done it, it would have been for attention and to make yourself feel better, not because of your actual feelings towards the guy. That kind of guy preys on women with low self esteem by trying to get them to do things and saying that everyone does it and calling them out...because when you've got low self esteem you'd actually care if everyone else was doing it. I think you were right to stand up and say no.
You're not stupid. But this guy is a bit of a predator - he says you are too conservative and need to 'build self esteem' because he wants to talk you into doing things for him. Never never NEVER ignore your women's instinct.
Ok I am quite embarassed to ask this but I do feel I need some extra opinion on the matter.
Recently I started chatting with a guy from the internet. I usually don't do it cause I tend to distrust internet dating but somehow this guy seemed ok to me. Anyways we have been chatting for a while now and we decided to put a webcam on tonight. Around 20 minutes of chatting he goes drops the whole "I want to see your b.o.o.b.s" bomb to which I sincerely answered that getting naked in front of a camera is not a thing I do for someone i don't know. He goes "u want to see my a..." and he proceeds to lower his pants which causes me to go "WTF !" and stop the camera connection.
And then he goes into this whole rant about how i am too conservative and how i need to build up a self-esteem. I said that I don't feel i am conservative (I actually did a webcam striptease for an ex, but I had been with the guy for 2.5 years before that happened) and i sincerely don't think this has anything to do with my body esteem.
Anyway this seems to happen to me a lot. Usually i chat and flirt with people normally for a week and then they drop this bomb on me which causes me to say no and they stop contacting with me. Ok my question is... Do u think i am too conservative? Do u think this is a body esteem? It really made me question myself. What if I am acting too prudish or something. Do people our age find it normal to do that?
I know... I am stupid, but this is the first time I am chatting someone for two months before he asks something like this (usually it happens earlier and so it's a reason i don't like internet dating) so it really made me question myself and how i act and whether i've ruined a chance or something
Sorry if this is stupid.
Old fart checking in.
Are you really missing out on anything by ditching these losers? Seriously? If they're like this with you, they're like this with every other girl they've chatted with. The difference is that some of the other girls have been naive enough with such low sense of self-worth that they went along just for the sake of acceptance.
I briefly went out with a guy last year. He's primarily attracted to bigger gals, so that was incredibly cool. Things didn't seem quite right, so I backed off. He paints as a hobby, is rather good at it, and I kept him as an acquaintance because I wanted to commission a piece from him at some point in the future.
Know what I found out this year? He's a parasite looking for a host. I was the ONLY girl he's met in the past year who didn't sleep with him. He's admitted that 30-something women were willing to go down that road since I've known him--women have numbers instead of names (aka instead of "Shelly" she's #113). He told them what he wanted to hear. He made them feel special. He made them feel attractive. He got nudie pics, cam shows, etc. He was all but homeless this spring, and he'd meet girls, go over and cook, hook up, spend the night, and convince them to take him to dinner the next night. Then after a few days, he felt like they were "flakes" after they were finished dealing with him.
Trust your instincts. They're rarely wrong. I'm so glad I listened to mine. Be true to yourself, and don't change your moral values for anyone.
Last edited by AZ Sunrises; 04-24-2011 at 05:50 PM.
They're just upset because they're probably used to talking to "low self esteemed" girls who THINK that the only way they can keep a guy interested in them is showing off themselves...and you do not. Then lets say you do, what's left to the imagination and will keep the interested in you after them seeing your goodies? Not to conservative, your just classy!
Ruined a chance? Ruined a chance for what? A serious relationship? C'mon! You do know that had you given in and 'got naked' for this cad, that he would be snapping pics/or video taping you, right? He's most likely got countless files stored in many folders of stupid naked girls. He collects them. No doubt he's already moved on to the next 'get'. Thank goodness you're not one of those stupid girls! Be proud of yourself. You won. Don't EVER let ANYONE take naked pics of you, unless you want the world to see them posted on the net, with the possible exception of your husband.
Ladies once again thank u very much for the talk. I don't know why I doubted myself even for a second. I feel much better now that I read your posts and know that I did and essentially do the right thing. It's not only the fact that he might be taping me that stopped me. It's also the fact that I don't do anything of the sort or s.e.x unless I trust someone and love them (so i don't do the friend with benefit thing either) And believe me I tend to get the you are prudish excuse from many guys for my choice of lifestyle it actually made me wonder this time if I am the one with the trouble.
Some good places I met guys when I was single was through shared hobbies, through work if appropriate, through volunteer work and through my college alumni association. NOT on the Internet or through personal ads. I know a lot of people start great relationships that way, but that was not the case for me.
NO!!! You are NOT too conservative nor does that mean you have body issues. He is just trying to pressure you. Ridic!
There are some great guys that use internet dating. Not sure what sites you are using, if it's yahoo chat rooms or aol...these are usually the kind of creeps you'll meet. Try a site like eharmony. =) Good luck! I found my man on the internet over 10 years ago and we have been happppppppppily together ever since!
You're not too conservative--it's just not what you want. Some people are okay with that, others not, and either way is fine. It's all about what you're comfortable with and not letting some creeper push you into something.
What kind of internet dating is this? I've been on okcupid for awhile now, and haven't had any experiances like this at all. I email with the men for a bit, then I meet them in person (after a week or so), in public, and go from there. I don't reply to those guys who write gross things to me (which they do--or even just impersonal messages that make it clear they didn't read my profile and are only interested in my picture). Just because he's messaging me doesn't mean he's worth my time. And the same goes for you!
I would recommend it for you--just be sure that you're being selective because you deserve a man who is going to put thought into his interaction with you, not just demand nudity!
No you aren't too conservative, no means no. If he stops contacting you after you say no or pressure you, or say stuff like that to you, you know he is only after one thing. A guy who truly respects you and wants to get to know you wouldn't even ask you to do stuff like that, and would just want to webcam to put a face to the person they've been talking to for 2 months.
You know if he's a good guy when you feel no pressure towards anything, and you want to do it on your own accord, and not have to question it. That's when it's a honest relationship.
Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with, and if he says anything like you are too conservative or uptight, or whatever just ignore him he's not worth your time.
TMI: I really need to listen to some opinion
