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Old 03-31-2011, 01:43 PM   #1  
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Default You can't help the unwilling...

::VENT AHEAD::

My friend has me so frustrated. She has a lot of weight to lose. 100-150lbs. She is quickly working her way towards being diabetic and does not take care of herself at all.

My aunt offered a free work out class, and she always had an excuse not to come. Almost always managed to be working late that night or something.

My aunt quit offering her free class because of lack of people, so I found us a bootcamp for a great price on Groupon. It's low impact, so no running or jumping, and no low lunges or anything.

She told me she would do it, so I bought mine and now, surprise surprise, she has backed out. It really doesn't bother me, I was going to do it anyway. But, I am so tired of listening to her complain about her weight and being tired when she goes out to eat everyday and drinks high calorie things.

You can't help the unwilling, but it sure doesn't make it less frustrating.
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Old 03-31-2011, 01:59 PM   #2  
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If you're so sick of hearing her complain about it why don't you be completely blunt with her? I have a very blunt personality and if I had a fat friend who needed to lose weight and b!tched and complained about it all the time and did nothing about it, I would tell her straight up to STFU and do something about it because I'm tired of listening. If she get's offended too bad she probably needs to hear it, besides there are much worse things to say. I'd also probably stop hanging out with her as much as well because I pretty much don't want to surround myself with negative people, because it affects my moods and I'm tired of being a moody b!tch because of the people around me.
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Old 03-31-2011, 02:29 PM   #3  
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Oh I am pretty blunt but she is also over sensitive. I think there is a jealousy issue going on as well, because I am having success and am active.

She says the class makes her nervous and she just wants to walk, which I know won't happen.

We have had frank conversations about it before, and they end badly. I think I'm just going to stop talking about it, but if she keeps bringing it up, I'll say something. I'm kind of tired extending the olive branch, really.
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Old 03-31-2011, 02:39 PM   #4  
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If she really wanted to lose weight she would start off by doing work out videos. I have social anxiety and hate group things so I began my journey working out at home by myself and eventually got over my fear and began going to the gym. Theres so many other ways she could lose the weight.

Jealousy seems to be the key fact for most people who don't have the power or determination to change their lives they expect everyone else to do it for them or some magic pill. Good for you though for sticking it out and not letting her bring you down. I agree best not to say anything about it, and if she does bring it up, maybe it's best to just nod your head and smile and tune her out the rest of the time until she starts to prove to herself she is willing to do it.
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:36 PM   #5  
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You can't make somebody do something they do not want to do.

Last edited by bargoo; 03-31-2011 at 03:43 PM.
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:39 PM   #6  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bargoo View Post
You can't make somebody do something they do not want to do,\.
Like I said, you can't help the unwilling.

I'm just tired of her being willing, and then changing her mind. I have to many resources. My aunt is a personal trainer, my uncle is a physical therapist, I have found great resources online, found great activities.

Oh well. I give. Just frustrating is all. I'm personally excited for the boot camp class.
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:51 PM   #7  
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I completely understand! My friend just joined me in the weight loss life and she is doing a similar thing except she is going completely the wrong way! She lives down the street from me in our neighborhood and so I always tell her we need to walk together, we need to do this together bla bla and she would be all gunho about it until the last minute and bail. Now she is talking about only eating 800 calories a day and how she needs this weight to fall off and I just cahnge the subject. She'd rather kill her self than be healthy! I think we should just tell them how it is!
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Old 03-31-2011, 05:38 PM   #8  
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I understand how frustrating it can be. One of my friends has gained probably about 60lbs since last year. I gave her all of my old jeans that are too big for me now because she can't fit into anything she has. And the only reason those fit is because she lets her stomach hang out over and just fastens them on her hips.. yea.. But after so long of complaining about how big she is she is finally starting to workout. But it's only maybe an hour a week at most, and she still eats terribly. Basically her boyfriend wants her to feel fat and ugly so she won't leave him, so he constantly brings her KFC home from work. She's constantly making remarks of how I need to stop losing weight because she can't. I try to get her to exercise, and eat better. But her idea of eating better at all is oatmeal smothered in syrup and sugar. And salads full of fatty add-ins. And she won't workout without a buddy; I'm not paying $50/month for the Y, sorry. lol.

Obviously you can see how angry she makes me. Lol. But I've found that if people aren't willing to try, either stop talking to them about it or completely distance yourself from them. I've had to distance myself from her, for more reasons than the weightloss, but still.

Try making some new friends at your bootcamps. That way you know that you're both focused on a healthier lifestyle and committed
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Old 03-31-2011, 06:48 PM   #9  
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This one is hard. Its true though. Much to my dismay, you can't make someone do anything. 9/10 they know they're fat and they know what they're doing is wrong but at a certain point they have to wake up and realize that there is no magic wand that will undo years of bad habits. Its really all about willpower. Also, I think a lot of people fear failure or feel that if they are working out they are admitting they are "fat" and that shakes people out of denial quickly. Plus, its comfortable. Fatty food is often good and changing tastes and habits is difficult but only when someone really wants to, will they make the change for good. I suggest that when she brings it up next time don't sympathize. Don't ***** her out. Just say, well, that boot camp class is still open. Its a little passive aggressive but I find that to be effective. As for the "you should stop losing weight because I can't girl", kelli, that's messed up. She can lose weight she just doesn't have the discipline. Really, I believe everyone can. Even people with medical issues. Its just more difficult and they will never be "thin" but no one is genetically made to be 30 lbs overweight or in the "overfat" category for bod comp. Its just excuses. Its difficult, but life isn't fair. End rant. haha.
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Old 03-31-2011, 08:30 PM   #10  
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I have to agree what someone else wrote, taht if she really wanted to lose weight she would. I have a friend that would always want to work out together but then would back out, and when she would back out I would not go. I used her backing out as my excuse when I could have went on my own. Then I started working out with my cousin and she started doing the same thing, except worse. She would pick me up to work out but we would end up getting take out!!! I finaly decided I needed to go to the gym one my own, that I did not need a "partner" to get to my work out goals. Now when I see either one of them they still say how much they want to work out with me and I tell them they are welcome anytime but I don't rely on them and so far they have not went with me.
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Old 04-01-2011, 02:38 AM   #11  
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Set a good example, that's all you really can do. It's hard when it's someone you love and care about, though. I really wish I could do more for my dad. It's the saddest thing in the world listening to him reminisce wistfully about his younger days when he ran 5 miles every day and deadlifted 400 pound barbells while watching him eat 4 bowls of cereal after midnight.
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