I'm really at a loss as far as what to do. My mom and I are both trying to lose weight. She was once at her goal weight, and everyday he would complain and complain that she looked 'sickly' and 'ugly'. He did this until she's chunky again, and now will sit there and poke/play with her squish.
He does nothing but bring home cakes and pies and donuts and junk. And whenever I try to put them away, he just goes and buys more and leaves it on the counter. And even then when I ignore it, he's always telling me to go have a slice of whatever is in the house, or pushing donuts in my face. Even at dinner, when I'm eating the healthy foods we have, he's just pushing more unhealthy food onto my plate.
The cherry on top of this mess is that when I make/buy healthy food for myself and my mother, he'll eat it all or throw it away. I bought yogurt and tons of fruit, and he ate half the fruit and threw the rest of my yogurt away saying it had gone bad when I'd just gotten it the day before. When I make a nice dinner and put the leftovers in the fridge, he'll eat a few bites from the container and throw the rest away. I don't know what to do at all. It's so hard to keep on my diet with him in this house.
He also complains about me leaving the house, when I'm trying to go to the gym. So not only am I wasting my gym membership, but I'm also only working out twice a week because of him. This really sucks
that sounds terrible! i would be so annoyed. it might get to the point where when you buy food, you're going to have to put it in a box in the fridge labeled that it's your food. Since you're a 20 something, you're an adult now, and its time to put your foot down a little.
it may not make him agree with you, but he might start respecting your decisions.
I'd have a very frank conversation. Remind him that you'd an adult and are more than capable of choosing the foods that go into your mouth and you don't appreciate the passive aggressive behavior.
If there isn't any improvement, get a mini fridge in your room and padlock it. Good luck.
I'd have a very frank conversation. Remind him that you'd an adult and are more than capable of choosing the foods that go into your mouth and you don't appreciate the passive aggressive behavior.
If there isn't any improvement, get a mini fridge in your room and padlock it. Good luck.
I agree with this suggestion. If you are buying your own food you can tell him to not touch it and hope that he will listen. Otherwise, the mini-fridge and padlock is a great suggestion. It sounds like he's pretty bound and determined to undermine this process, so hopefully you can get through to him.
Hi. I happened to notice your post. This kind of behavior comes from a person with some issues-how he feels about himself and at the very least he is concerned about "losing" his family. My Mom was always pushing food at me when I was young-it was because she had weight issues herself! Since this is coming from his thinking, you can't correct it! If your Mom wants to lose too, you'll have to band together and support each other. Otherwise and maybe no matter what, you'll have to steel yourself to stay away from those goodies. I think the only way you get control of your food is too probably buy a dorm-sized fridge with a lock on it. Keep exercising, even if you have to do the other workouts in your room. BTW most apples will keep several days with no refrigeration. Best of wishes, I know that you can work this out.
Last edited by Tamsin78; 03-11-2011 at 07:48 AM.
Reason: Sp
Mini fridge is a good idea. And with the cakes/doughnuts etc he is buying,
instead of leaving on counter but it all in a cupboard marked "Dads Goodies"
so you won't be tempted all the time.
Go for the throat and tell him he isn't helping. Explain that you're trying to make a healthy, positive change in your life and the type of things he's doing are things you would expect a child to do.
The more you roll over to this type of behavior, or submissively "request" him to stop, the more it's going to encourage him.
My mother did that until recently. The only way I got her to stop was I ignored her then finally pointed out to her, her own flaws and she finally let up after we had a shouting match about it. I hope it doesnt come to this. I think the mini fridge is a good idea.
I'm definitely going with the mini-fridge idea. I already do put the food away so I don't have to see it, but once I do that he gets mad and buys even more and puts it out. Unfortunately it's a little hard to just outright confront him. Last time I did that he kicked me out of the house and I ended up sleeping in my car for the weekend. I'm just going to start keeping all of my food in my room away from him and hope that works.
As the mom of 2 grown daughters I feel for you. Obviously he's got something within him that makes him try to "control" his environment-including the folks in it, who should be his safety net-as he should be there for you! The very people that he tries to keep close to him he is driving away; something probably happened to him a long time ago to cause these feelings! Just take care of yourself and keep being there for your Mom.
Last edited by Tamsin78; 03-11-2011 at 07:54 AM.
Reason: Caps
I know how you feel...I have one of those people in my life and all I do is ignore her....shes my best-friend and every time I even order a salad when she wants to go to McDonalds she rolls her eyes at me like I'm judging her and that obviously isn't what it is at all...I'm doing this for myself and I really don't care if anyone else does it or not, that's their business. So in a way I know how you feel, someone who should be supporting you 110% is trying to hold you back and thats ridiculous. But I completely like the mini-fridge idea, thats the first thing I thought of when I read your original post....it's sad that you have to hide your food from a grown man because he's being crazy (sorry I'm not trying to talk ill of your father), but just keep up the great work because if you weight is accurate 20 pounds is AWESOME!
It's okay to call him crazy, he really is. This whole thing started since I lost the first 20lbs. He found out and that's when he started all of this. Like tonight he made seafood for dinner, and since I'm allergic and can't eat it, he told my mom to get me McDonald's, and said that's what I wanted, when obviously I'm avoiding all fast food.
Last edited by Kelli21; 03-15-2011 at 07:12 PM.
Reason: Spelling changed
Dealing with unsupportive family members
