This morning I found on my husbands phone more than 200 emails to different women he had been "just chatting" with for the past few months. He said he wa bored and wanted some attention. I didn't read through all of them, the ones I did had comments about profile pics that weren't exactly bad but nothing a married man should be commenting on. He just kept telling me he wasn't doing anything wrong, not cheating, no sexual talk and I could read through them all to prove it. I asked him if on his profile he put that he was married with 3 children, he didn't answer. This was after I had found an application on his iPhone called "Flirt Maps" that finds people in your area to "Flirt" with. I know there is no physical cheating as he is either always at home or work but I think definitely somthing emotional going on. I am hurting so much right now and trying not to eat myself into oblivion. I needed to get it out. Not sure what to do or feel.


Jenn

Jenn,
So sorry you are going through this! I feel like you are handling it much better than I would. Then again I am not the most trusting person. My rule of thumb is--if your husband wouldn't do it with you right by his side then it is a form of cheating. I hope you can manage to get through this! I'm not so sure I would be able to because in my mind it starts at stuff like you mentioned above and ends at physically cheating.

Wishing you strength and patience,
Linds

I agree. First of all, you feel how you feel. However, if your husband has to hide it from you, then it's wrong. You also need to look at your relationship to find out what both of you are missing and fix that before something physical does happen, assuming you want to forgive him. Otherwise, well, you gotta decide what's right for you.

You have a husband and three kids. Now is the time to communicate. There is no easy solution to this and with that said, there is also no easy way out.

Like you said, something emotional is going on with him. Sometimes when wives are so busy taking care of 3 kids, getting food on the table, working AND taking care of themselves (RIGHTFULLY SO!!) the men may feel neglected and search out "emotional relationships" to feel wanted and needed again.

If you guys have insurance I HIGHLY recommend calling a therapist RIGHT AWAY. If you belong to a church, talk to your pastor. Whatever it is, you guys have A LOT to discuss...including why you went searching through his phone in the first place. Trust is the foundation of all relationships.

At the end of the day, you are handling this EXTREMELY well and just remember, communication is key. TALK TALK TALK everything out and get some professional advice as well if possible.

DONT BACK TRACK! That will only add to your anger and resentment towards him in the long run, and your marriage will be even harder to get back on track.

I wish you much love and hope you guys sort all of this out hun!

I am so sry to hear that hun... I can feel your pain my hubby and I had a huge incident that almost ended our marriage, but luckily we were able to work it out. I dnt knw all the details of your relationship but I would suggest really trying to work it out if that option is available good luck

Dont have any advice except to try and communicate with him. You are not wrong in feeling this way and he needs to start becoming open and honest with you instead of hiding! I know if my husband was "flirting" with others whether in real life or on the phone, I would still be livid.

Good luck and my thoughts and prayers go out to you
Cassi

i think Krizstyling had really good advice... listen to her!

that said, i'm sorry you're going through that...

Jenn that is such a bummer. I am not experience to give you advice but I know it sucks to be cheated on. Just try to keep your head up, and exercise is a great way to deal with emotional stress. Especially long walks and runs.

just wanted to send some thoughts your way girlie... hope your feelin a little better dnt let this bring you down
get some alone time if at all possible i find exercise to be a great stress relief take out all you pain anger and frustrations out on the treadmill

Jenn! I'm really sorry. Krizstylg basically said everything that I wanted to type after i read your post. You have a right to feel the way you're feeling, I think you're taking it well than most women would.

I think you should take a step back to figure out how you truly feel about it, once the dust settles, and your calm, cool, collected and rational -- where your initial reaction isn't getting the best of you. Then you should think about what it is you want to pursue in addressing the situation. I'm thinking you want a better explanation than boredom and attention and that there is underlying issues in your marriage or husband that only you know about. Whatever happens, whatever it is, I wish you the best of luck, strength, and determination in getting through this.

Don't eat yourself into oblivion either, we've all been there & done that when things go bad! I promise you, it'll only make you feel worse bc you wont only be dealing with the pain of what your husband has done to you, but then you'll also be dealing with the pain of self loathing for being over weight and over eating. Not good. Food is not your friend... friends and family are. Talk to them, or ONE of them. Get physical interaction. hugs, and hand holding seem trivial but really..someone physically listening to you will help. Best of luck!

Thanks for the advice everyone it is greatly appreciated. Thankfully I didn't eat myself into oblivion as badly as I wanted to. We were able to talk some last night and while it is no where near ok yet its a start at least.

dude that sucks...
Glad you guys were able to talk things out a bit lastnight. It's a start.

I feel for you Jenn, something very similar happened early on in my relationship and it hurt so much.

I also agree with Krizstylg, you need to sort it out as soon as possible. I speak from experience when I say that things like that can eat away at you. I lost trust and self-confidence following our incident. Seeing a therapist can really help, if only to get an objective perspective, and to support you in your opinions.

Hang in there

I can tell you from experience that the trust is hard to regain, but it CAN be done. If you love each other, you can make it work. He has to cut off all communication with the other women immediately, and basically be willing to be an open book. If he wants to regain your trust, he is really going to have to work at it. Our 'situation' happened 7 years ago, and trust me, it still sits in the back of my mind and when he doesn't answer a call or return a text, its the first place my mind goes. While I don't think he would cross that line again, I still don't 100% without a doubt think it is impossible. Be observant and you have to do what's best for you. If you love him, and he loves you, then fight for your marraige. You would be shocked at how many people go through this, most just won't openly discuss it. I wrote a paper on it, and I want to say it was close to 70% of men have some sort of affair (physical or emmotional) in their lives, and about 50% of women. Kriz is right, get into counseling, lay it all out there, and just try to move forward. Bringing up the past is not going to allow you to move forward, so you just need to take baby steps and see what you feel after some time. It will be hard, but I know you can get through it. (((hugs))) girl, I feel your pain. Thinking of you!

Just keep talking...and you'll be able to work it out.