I'm 28. I have two boys, and a husband : ) I work part time.
I know I don't have 12 kids. Nor do I have an amazing career that takes up a lot of my time. But I just can NOT get my stuff together. It seems like the house is always a mess, I've always forgotten something, and I'm just generally irritated. I blame some of it on my weight. Like, "if I wasn't 45 pounds overweight I would get more done". "If I was more confident with the way I look, I could focus better". I base a lot of my life on my weight. At 150 lbs, I'm just a riot. Life of the party, running all over with the kids, always on the go. At 180 I'd prefer to be indoors, alone, cleaning the house while the kids play.
I want the hubby to come home to a hot dinner, toys put away, kids in bed and me in some hot little nightie. Instead its more like, "darn, I forgot about dinner", the kids are fighting over something, and no one is quite certain what that substance is on the coffee table. And I'm a chunk.
I just want to be amazing. But I feel like I can't be amazing with muffin top.
Artsy, I can SO identify with your feelings--in so MANY, MANY respects. Being a mom, working full-time and being a wife and doing all of those things well is a balancing act and difficult for anyone! For me it was like the weight was just ONE MORE THING to be aggravated about. Sometimes I would imagine my life perfect without the weight.
I can say that didn't happen. What I can say is that I definitely feel more energetic and more in control since getting fit. I feel more confident about myself and about my choices now.
Do I still forget stuff? All the friggin' time. Does my hubby come home to no dinner sometimes? Yep, but I manage to scrounge up something okay for him. Do my kids still get on my every last nerve at times? You betcha! But I have more energy and confidence and know I can deal with this stuff now. There are also still days I don't have the confidence or energy. I feel slow or unfit at times. Those days are way less frequent though.
You can do this. There is not one woman here that has juggled what you are juggling and hasn't felt the stress and strain of--well--life. Keep the faith.
I have one child and I sometimes get like you seem to feel -- overwhelmed.
Getting rid of stuff helps -- less to own and less to maintain.
I also like Let's Clean Up to help me stay organized much more than motivated moms, organized home, or fly lady, but I'll put all down. People have different cleaning styles.
I work full-time, have 3 kids, and my husband has little interest in housework. (He does do most of the dinner cooking and the grocery shopping, however, for which I am thankful.) What helps me "get it all done" to the extent that I can, without being Superwoman:
-- Getting enough sleep, in terms of both quantity and quality. It's impossible to feel truly energetic and prepared without plenty of sleep. Not to mention, not getting enough quality/quantity sleep causes weight gain and hinders weight loss, as well as dampening your immune system and other negative impacts to your health. Don't neglect this.
-- Getting enough exercise. I have to get up extra-early to do this, but it's so worth it for the difference it makes to my daily energy level.
-- Eating well. Lean protein, vegetables, and some fruit is not so much a sexy or interesting diet, but they are fundamental to feeling energetic. Your body needs good nutrition, and elimination of junk, in order to keep up with everything you're demanding of it.
I really believe that so much of what plagues us, as women, is directly related to how we are taking care of our physical beings. Too little sleep, too little true rest and relaxation, too little energetic movement, too much refined/processed food...it's no wonder we don't feel equipped to do it all.
You're not alone in feeling the way you do, in the least Good luck to you.
The ladies before me have said it well and I agree with them. There might be another factor though. Not to be like...weird or whatever because it is kind of an awkward subject, but it kind of sounds a bit like depression. It can manifest itself in different ways in different people. I'm not saying you should go on meds or anything but maybe you should consider talking to a counselor or psychologist. Also, WarMaiden's suggestions are excellent for battling those feelings.
Even if that is not the case, weight loss is as much a mental exercise as a physical one, and it wouldn't hurt to let out some of your frustrations in person to someone who is listening, you know?
No offense, but it sounds like you want to be Superwoman. Don't we all. I have 3 boys and husband, and a part time job also. Not to mention the fact that the kids are involved in so many things I can't count and my husband works a lot of hours do guess who is responsible for getting them where they need to go when they need to go?
I forget stuff ALL the time. My family is used to my saying "I forgot". I keep my house reasonable clean. It's not immaculate, but it's not a pig sty either. I don't know anyone who has kids and has an immaculate house. I have seen houses much worse than mine and I'm sure you have too.
I want what you want too, but it just isn't possible and don't let anyone make you think it is. I know people who, on the outside, seem so "together" and organized that it makes me feel very inferior. But if you get to know these people, they usually aren't what they seem.
I haven't even gotten to 175 yet. I am almost to 185 which means a 35 lb loss to me. Yes, I do feel better and have more energy, but it still doesn't make my life perfect. Stop expecting so much of yourself because I'll bet nobody else does. You ARE amazing and I would guess your husband and I'm sure your kids think so. Remember, kids are funny. They don't care that you forgot dinner, they just care that you love them and you can do that at any weight.
I am 29, 3 kids, 1 full time job + 1 part time job, and my hubby works out of town 7 days at a time.
I feel your pain sister! But, part of it is that you need to make some time for yourself. You are mom, wife, housekeeper, chef, launderer, chauffeur, referee, peacemaker, etc. I finally realized (not too long ago) that making time for myself is really important. The 8 years that I have spent doting over everyone else are the same 8 years that it took me to get fat. Once I put myself last, I paid for it. And if you are not happy with your self, you can't make everyone else happy. So keep your chin up, make time for yourself, and be who YOU want to be! Only YOU can make it happen! You can't be perfect, no one can. But you deserve to be happy!
I can definitely identify with your post. I'm a 26 y/o (next month) married mom of a toddler and an infant. I just quit my full time job to be home more and attend school. I struggle to keep things together sometime, but when I'm on, boy am I on! I'll be taking some of the other ladies' advice and checking out the sites that were posted.
Last edited by ScarlettDrawl; 06-08-2010 at 06:32 PM.
I think I could of wrote that!! I feel your pain sister!! Its a hard job being a mommy and wife, Ill be 28 this month and have a 1yr old and 6yr old. Im just so overwhelmed with everything that hardly anything gets done. Ill def. be checking out these sites.
Can a mom complain for a minute?
Good luck to you.
