I am trying to figure out what to do about my supervisor at work. She loves to bake. It is her thing she likes to be known for, and she really likes to feed people. She loves to make the most sinful treats, tons of fat, sugar....they are amazing, but of course terrible on a diet. That said, I cannot think of a way to refuse without offending her!
She made some brownies about a month ago, and I said 'no thank you, I'm trying to watch what I eat' to which she said 'but oh, just smell them, they're so good', and proceeded to shove the tray in my face. And I told her they did smell wonderful but I'd have to turn them down. She turned and left the office without a word and did not talk to me for days.
Fast forward 2 weeks, and she made a cake for one of our coworkers birthday. She made sure to single me out the day before and tell me that I was expected to eat it. When it was time to cut the cake she came in my office and waved the knife at me telling me it was time to come get my slice. I sat in my office, trying to buy some time to think of a good way to refuse....she brought a large slice and put it on my desk and told me to eat! I did end up eating it (and yes, it was delicious!), and I know one slice of cake isn't the end of the world, but what do I do when it happens again? There are 2 birthdays coming up this month alone....and in our office we all sit in a common area when cake is served to eat together, so it would be pretty much impossible to accept the cake and then toss it uneaten. I am a pretty non-confrontational person, its hard for me to create conflict where it could be avoided, but I just hate to end up with 'cheat' days that I had no intention of having!
Have you tried talking to her about it? I'm not a big fan of confrontation, but maybe if you sat her down and said "Look. Your baking is delicious and I truly don't mean to offend you, but I need you to respect my wish to eat healthy and it makes me uncomfortable when you tell me I need to eat something." Maybe then she will realize its not that you don't like her food, but that you're trying to eat healthy and she needs to respect that.
If she continues, then you can either take it and throw it in the trash and let her think you ate it... or if she gets rude and does the same thing repeatedly take it and throw it away right in front of her and tell her you've already discussed this and you aren't going to eat it.
I understand wanting to please people but at the same time, no one can twist your arm and MAKE you do anything, including eating or making you feel a certain way. You have power over your actions and emotions.
I am a more direct person, so I would go into her office before all these birthdays come around and talk to her. Start with a compliment like "Your desserts are always so delicious!" Then explain a bit of why you don't want to eat it. You can sidestep saying that you're not a big sweets person, so while you really appreciate her showing her care to you all in that way, you won't be choosing to partake anymore. Or you can be honest and say that you really are watching what you eat and you won't be able to partake anymore. She'll likely ask questions on the 2nd one where you can answer if you like. I'd figure this direct approach would make it so that she isn't calling you out every time she bakes.
She sounds like a handfull!! She needs to respect your decisions to eat healthy and i know it's hard when the baking is around, it's all you want. Good for you for sticking up to her, i hate confontation too but wouldn't you rather piss her off then sabotage your weight loss/happiness? good luck! if it persists i would certainly have a talk with her, she has no right to force you to eat something you don't want.
Most people get on board when they hear 'My doctor says.......(just fill in the blank with blood sugar issues, wt issues, cholesterol issues, etc). Make something up if you have to, honestly, who's going to argue with your doctor???
I agree with the others. If this really bothers you, you really must speak with her, privately, about the issue. If you hold on to these feelings, tension could grow and a whole new kind of confrontation could ensue. I also agree with starting this talk out on a positive note...definitely compliment her abilities or her kindness first.
While I'm not in the position and don't know exactly how often this happens, I'd like to add that just because you are on a diet doesn't mean that you have to completely cut off all of the bad stuff. Sure, you don't want to have cake everyday, but this little pattern could also be something sweet that you allow yourself (one a week, once a month, every so often, whatev)! After many failed attempts at losing weight, I know all about depriving myself of the good stuff...it just makes me want it more, "cheat", then quit having "fallen off the wagon". Just another thought to add to the mix...
Above all, though, people in your workplace must respect you as a person...inclusive of your wishes to not eat when forced!
Last edited by MisplacedMyHailo; 04-15-2010 at 02:55 PM.
I am a pretty non-confrontational person, its hard for me to create conflict where it could be avoided, but I just hate to end up with 'cheat' days that I had no intention of having!
Ok, so avoid confrontation. Accept and trash.
"Oh, thanks."
Then take it home to trash, "lose it" in the office party, drop it, whatever.
While I'm not in the position and don't know exactly how often this happens, I'd like to add that just because you are on a diet doesn't mean that you have to completely cut off all of the bad stuff. Sure, you don't want to have cake everyday, but this little pattern could also be something sweet that you allow yourself (one a week, once a month, every so often, whatev)! After many failed attempts at losing weight, I know all about depriving myself of the good stuff...it just makes me want it more, "cheat", then quit having "fallen off the wagon". Just another thought to add to the mix...
Above all, though, people in your workplace must respect you as a person...inclusive of your wishes to not eat when forced!
And some of us have a voracious sugar beast that is woken up by sugar. I'd rather not spend the next couple of days wrangling the beast back into his cave for a piece of cake I didn't want!
I don't miss sweet stuff, unless I eat it, then I want want want want more. Sure, I occasionally have treats, but it is on MY TERMS, when I want, not at the whim of a crazy baking supervisor.
I would be supremely pissed off in this situation. I would either 1) graciously accept and immediately trash 2) say my doctor says I have to limit my sugar intake
You can say something jokingly like, "So when a supervisor makes sexual advances to their subordinates it's called sexual harassment, what is it called when a supervisor makes food advances on their subordinates?"...hehe-haha-giggle-giggle, smile and walk away.
It really isn't any of her business what you do or do not eat. I mean - it's not of her business what comes out, why is it any of her business what goes in? Sounds stupid - I know! Lol!
I think all the PP have offered some great suggestions. Either talk to her face to face and hope she understand or tell her it's Drs orders... Or you could tell her that her baking tastes like sh!t and it makes you want to gag... heh hehe ha!! But that would most definitely offend her. I personally would probably go the route of accepting it and tossing it.
My boss once tried to force me to eat a bite of dessert. I told her I would only have a bite if the other guy did, too. I knew he wouldn't and I knew she would pester him. So I managed to get away...
this is a woman who has actually attempted to force cookies on a diabetic, so I'm not quite sure it would make a difference if I go the doctor route. She's a very nice lady otherwise, baking seems to make her very irrational!
Thanks for the input everybody. I would definitely accept the treats and then toss them if I could get away with it, but when 'treat time' happens the whole office (there are 9 of us) gathers in our common area to eat together, so it would be pretty obvious if I didn't eat any. Maybe I can kinda pick at it and then toss the rest once a good opportunity arises, I'm not the only one trying to lose weight.
As much as I am dreading it, I probably just need to suck it up and be direct about it and let the chips fall where they may, though I'd really like to keep a friendly working relationship. I've had other people that have tried to get me to eat unhealthy stuff when they know I'm dieting but its never been this big of an issue when I say no!
You can smoosh a piece of cake around your plate, spreading it around a bit. Squash any squashable parts (cake can be compacted quite a bit. Have a bite if you want a bite, or not, while mooshing.
A piece of cake, once mooshed and spread around the plate, looks like you've eaten quite a bit of it. And then you can say you're stuffed.
Honestly, she's your boss, and she's irrational around baking. So I would come up with a way to make it look like you're eating, without actually eating (this is no different in my opinion than getting a glass of club soda with lime at an office drinking event, to prevent people from noticing you're not drinking. Simple deceptions without lying can make your life easier!)
what do you do when refusing food offends others?
