UGH my family drives me INSANE! I try to help them make better food choices and yet no one seems to listen and it just gets turned into a big joke. My mom was recently turned down for life insurance because of her weight and I thought that would be her breaking point, but NO she comes home with a box of triple chocolate cupcake mix. (because they were on sale) I forced them to watch that new show food revolution and thought they might get concerned about diabetes and obesity but nothing.
Yesterday my mother allowed my 12 year old brother to eat 2 chili cheese hot dogs AND a hamburger because "he was still hungry" Then 5 minutes ago I went downstairs to help with dinner and my whole family is stuffing there faces with BLT dip which consists of nothing but Mayo,Sour cream, tomatoes, and bacon. While my brother eats leftover BROWNIES from my parents Sunday school class (Yes they even make there sunday school class bacon and sausage biscuits AND brownies) healthy right? My sister just laughs and tells me not to look over there. UGH How I ever managed to lose 95lbs living here is AMAZING to me.
Its really hurtful when my family laughs at the calories or fat in something. They make NO attempt to eat anything remotely healthy for them and then im stuck watching them stuff there faces with it. I blame my parents for mostly why I have so many issues with food as it is. After school she would let us eat those microwave pot pies and those "snack sized" sausage biscuits or a pack of ramen noodles, which all of us know is some of the most horrible things you can eat, but I didn't know any better and my mom just encouraged me to eat what I wanted. Now that I know better It bothers me that she is doing the same with my little brother and that my family's health isn't good. I don't know what to do. Ive tried cooking dinner but I always get out voted on cooking because no one wants "health" food.
I don't know what else to do. I cant wait to get out on my own and be able to make my own food choices and not worry about all the junk in the house but at the same time I don't want my family to be left eating this crap. HELP! What would you do?
Have you ever sat down and just talked to them and tell them that you're worried about them? They need to know that it's okay to eat that stuff sparingly..but not all at the same time or in huge massive servings. I wouldn't really start lecturing them, but just state their concerns and ask what they think about your success.
I know how you feel with having parents that influenced the way you ate. My mom used to be overweight too and let me eat whatever I wanted. I started losing weight before her, and it was so difficult to watch what I was eating when she was still eating whatever. Now she's also lost a lot of weight, and now she eats really low calorie foods, and comments on EVERYTHING, so when I go home I feel extremely guilty about anything I eat.
I have tried talking and even told her I would help her set up a food plan for ALL of us, but she wont commit to do anything, and my dad calls anything healthy "disgusting" Now my dad Is a normal sized man but not by any means healthy. (Hes got lucky genes) but anything regarding health is a joke and disgusting. Im at my wits end!
I think the biggest issue fir me was letting go if the idea that I could tell my parents what to eat. My parents are older, set in their ways and... well, lets face it: My parents!
Personally, I feel like you've said your piece and that's all you can do. If they won't change or see the any "warning signs" as you put it, there isn't much else to do. Anything else will be a constant point of tension. The one thing I think you can push is your brother's health since he's still young but even then, they're his parents too. Frustrating I know, but just think about when you can get out and make your own choices.
Pammy I have the same thing going on...My mom is Mrs. Butterton from the commercials... seriously... she has been kind of helpful but sometimes forgets... Like tonight she made green beans with bacon grease...she took some out for me first before adding the grease...but my family doesnt care about their health either and if they did it would be a lot easier for me to eat around here. My family is really supportive and tell me how proud of me they are... Maybe your family doesnt and that makes it more frustrating
You can't make people want to be healthy. I know you're worried about them, but they're making their own decisions (even your brother, just because he's a kid doesn't mean he doesn't know those brownies aren't good for him). The most you can do is keep setting a good example. Also, sometimes the more you push, the more the other people will push back in the opposite direction. Just a thought.
In my family, my mom's got the 'lucky' genes -- she can pretty much eat whatever she wants and she stays thin. Because she can eat whatever she wants, she does. The doctor's already told her that she will have to be on blood-pressure meds for the rest of her life. Her cholesterol isn't doing too well, either. It's had no effect on her eating habits.
My dad has diabetes, cholesterol and high-blood pressure, yet he still buys those huge bags of M & M's to eat during his lunch. He's always been heavy-set, but he lost a lot of weight because the diabetes has taken such a toll on him.
I'm also worried that my little sister is going down the same path. She's only two, but all she eats is junk food. I keep showing my mom studies that children who eat too much junk food are more aggressive, unhealthy, et cetera. Her usual response is something along the lines of, 'Wow, we should probably stop giving her so much candy then, huh?' Then two hours later, my sister has eaten half a bag of gummi bears and when I confront my mom about it, she says, 'Oh, she was fussing. I had to give them to her.'
That sounds really hard to watch - I know the feeling of watching someone you love eating themselves into what feels like it can only be an early grave.
But I was there not to long ago myself. I'd let myself eat anything I wanted to, as much as I wanted to. I was in denial of the health issues it was causing and there was always *some* new reason to treat myself with food. It took a serious wakeup call to shake me out of it, and nothing would have gotten me there sooner. And if I didn't have those health issues, I would probably be looking forward to having a cheeseburger and frings (french fries AND onion rings) and a large vanilla malt at a local diner for dinner tonight.
What would I do in your situation? That's a tough one. I like Latchkey Princess's advice about trying to set a good example.
If you get a chance to cook for your family, I'd stick to whole foods that are naturally healthy and delicious and don't sweat the fat and calories (for them) too much. DH will run from the sight of "healthy" food, like he can see it coming from a mile away. Low fat, low sugar, fat-free, diet, whole wheat anything will automatically make him assume he doesn't like it or it tastes "off". But if I make something that's delicious and just happens to be good for him, like roasted veggies tossed in a little bit of olive oil and balsamic vinegar or salmon simply pan-fried in a tablespoon of oil, he devours the food happily.
I know, this must be hard to watch as your family does this to temselves knowing the health side effcts. And the only thing i can really say is that you can't make them do something they don't want to do.
From posts you have posted here before and what you've posted here youv'e tried to help them out, you have done everything you know possible, and really it has to come from them to want to lose weight.
here is a hug, because for all that your going through!
You know what? You have said all you can say. For now, just say nothing. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
Also, sometimes people's food ways are caught up in how they express love.
There's also warming up to the idea that parents can learn something UP from their children, rather than always being handed DOWN from the parents to the child.
So... some of the resistance you encounter may be related that and why you get some pushback about your new way of eating.
Can you just cook for yourself and so it isn't so alienating, also offer to make something to share once a week that is "neutral" but ok for all?
For instance baked potatoes. Most people are ok with this, and set all the topping things out "buffet" style and just fix yours how you want it. Pair it with shake and bake chicken and a simple veg like steamed broccoli perhaps.
Ask nicely "The buffet ok?" and just say "Oh, I'm glad" even if they drowned theirs in butter, dressings, sauces. Or taco/burrito stuff -- that's another "build your own buffet" that usually pleases most. "Success" here is that YOU get what you need from your portion in peace.
Rarely have I seen anyone object to crockpot pasta sauce - put the tomato sauce, onion, peppers, meat, etc. in there to simmer. Then set out the plain noodles, cheese, salad, whatever out buffet style too.
Think of it like doing research -- WHAT can you make for the family so your dinner table is more peaceful for all?
Even if you can make big learning leaps like 1, 10, 17, 21 in your journey toward better health... remember that your family might have to go slower. 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 8... They may not be ready/interested in hearing the message, but your quietly living it and creating peaceful dinner time could have more impact than a more tumultuous meal time would.
Let them grown in grace. I know how it feels when you feel like you've found the secret to life but no one cares. But be careful not to become a hypocrite. I'm sure you didn't get to your highest weight eating carrot sticks and I'm sure it took you sometime to wake up and say "This has to stop" It'll be the same for them. Your family has probably always been like this, you can't expect them to change just because you have. You need to learn to accept them regardless.
And, I'm sure everyone can agree, food is like an addiction. Hand to mouth is a hard habit to break, you can't expect them to wake up overnight and change. They say losing weight is the hardest thing you'll ever do... They say it for a reason.
Thanks ladies! I have tried so many options and Im to the point of just giving up. If they want my help they can come to me. Im just going to continue to do things the way I have in hopes they will realize all that I have accomplished and want to make a change.
Haley-My whole family is the buttertons. When I ask how shes cooked something I always get the "ohh just a little bit of oil and butter" So I end up making my own to be safe. Don't get me wrong my mother does help at times, She will occasionally cook me a turkey burger instead of a hamburger, but they wont make any changes for themselves.
astrophe- Me and my sister make dinner 90% of the time. I also make my own modifications to whatever we eat. They will fry pork chops and I will grill one for me. They will make gravy and white rice and I will make myself a serving of brown rice and nix the gravy. Mom will but butter and bacon in the veggies so I make my own. Almost everything we eat is buffet style and I always end up with the grilled fish/chicken why they stuff there faces with something friend or soaked in butter. They just watch me eat it and don't mention anything We eat baked potatoes all the time... the problem with that is they SMOTHER them im butter sour cream cheese AND bacon bits. Its disgusting and they don't bother trying to cut any of it down.
Pammy - I'm sorry. I have nothing in the words of advice, because I feel like a lot of my family is the same way (with the exception of my sister). They're all smokers, and while they may not be overweight, they're not healthy about what they eat or do to their bodies. Its VERY frustrating as I watched my mother and my grandmother die of lung cancer, and they just don't care.
I recently had a screaming fight with my father (about 3 months ago) and that led him to FINALLY get the laser therapy to quit smoking, but the others don't care. They think its *funny* and I want to smack them upside the head for it. I told him I'd refuse to see him if he kept smoking, and his sisters (my evil aunts) told me that I was in the wrong for saying that, but it worked, and that's really how I felt. I watched one parent die from it, I wasn't about to watch the other.
You've done what you can do - talk to them about it, try to cook, etc. and now I think the only thing you can do is lead by example. My little sister has actually started eating better and exercising every day (she said she kind of followed me in it) and that's what you can hope for with your brother. If he's gaining weight, perhaps the time will come when he's teased at school, and maybe that will lead him into life style changes. By all means, I'm not saying I HOPE he's teased (because school children are evil) I'm just saying maybe that will help.
UGHHH!!! (Rant)
