so my ex has gotten back in contact with me, and the only thing we've done is email each other. )I'll make a long story short here) he was emailing me a lot of rated R stuff, but he has a girlfriend. He's asked me not to tell on him, saying he can't get me out of his head, no one can do it for him like I can, he's been dreaming about me, all this stuff.
But he was truly mean to me for the past two years. Cheating on me. (more then once) leaving me for other people (a MONTH before he were getting married. And took 200 dollars from our joint account to start a new life with another girl) came back to me (I took him back, I was 18 and thought it was love) left me again, we got back together, I spent 900 dollar to get us an apartment out of state (he didn't have a job) he kicked me out two months later, said he was sorry, I moved back in he started dating another girl while still being intimate with me, telling me he didn't like her he wanted me, while bashing me to other people, took all my income tax money (he gave me about 50) and kicked me out again.. ...
It'd be easy to send a message to his new gf, telling her about all that he's done behind her back, I think I would want to know. But Im second guessing myself and need advice. what should I do??
I would REALLY want to be revengeful too...buuuut on the other hand it would probably be best to just be the better person. Block his emails (after you tell him off once in one last attempt to open his eyes...haha), ignore his calls if he does call, and just forget about him.
You telling on him probably wont do anygood but start a WHOLE lot of drama and as Ive lived and learned I find its best to forget and move on.
Ive been in a situation before similiar and had a chance to rat out an ex and tell the new gf what scum he is but for 1- she probably already knows and if she doesnt then for 2- you dont want to be "that crazy ex" which you might get called when another girl is in denial about her "loving sweet boyfriend".
Hope I helped a bit! Good luck with your decision! =)
I agree with Vern Dern except I would consider telling the new girl. I'd be very frank, and honest, and kind - and say "look, I have no interest in him, but this is what he did to me, and information is power - and however the two of you end up, I hope it's what makes you happy in the end - have a great life" or something else along those lines. Then I'd follow through - and not contact him again or accept his attempts at talking.
I'd be tempted to be vengeful too. I might want to just warn the girl about what hes like (although she probably already knows right) and then block the emails/calls etc. I'm usually one for a complete, clean break though
I don't think it's your place to say. Who knows - maybe they have some strange system working out. I'd say tell him you are no longer going to talk to him, block him out of your life completely, and just forget about it. I think that's the most mature, and most beneficial thing to do for you. You're the only person here who really mattes in this situation. You're the only person you can change.
I'd also want revenge...a little click on the Forward button and she can find out everything, right? Unless she's in the same place you've been with him...where she'll believe him and take him back, no matter what. Then you'd just look like the "jealous" ex-girlfriend meddling in their lives to her.
No...no matter HOW tempting it is, the best course of action would be blocking his emails and making a total, clean break from him forever. He's toxic to be around, and is dragging you down with his nonsense!
Ooooh I can imagine - I'd want to be revengeful, too! However, he is someone else's problem now, and telling her would create a lot of drama that (if it were me), I'd just rather stay out of. Sounds like he's a class one a-hole, so she'll find out on her own soon enough that he likes to mess around. From this point on, though, I'd ignore his emails/calls/texts/etc completely and get him out of your life for good.
You could tell her what he's all about, but she wouldn't believe you. And then you would be in the middle of another mess involving him. Sometimes we have to learn for ourselves about the skeevey ones, right?
Be the class act, since he apparently isn't. Move onward and upward.
I was in a similar situation, and while its so tempting to just forward the correspondence, etc, its just not worth it. I'm with the others in saying just make a clean break.
The girlfriend may not want to hear what you have to say, and then you come out looking like the bad guy. Just tell him you don't want to speak with him anymore, and block his emails. Its probably the best way.
I'm a 40-something, crashing the young ladies' thread. I just wanted to say that revenge, for me, really is never as "sweet" as they say it is. It ultimately ends up making me feel bad about myself, about what kind of person I am. The reasons that other posters gave you for staying above the fray are all really good reasons--the drama, the continuation of being entangled with this toxic person, the protection of your image. But my top reason for resisting being vengeful is that when I've done it in the past, it has made me feel terrible about myself. Participating in revenge doesn't make us smarter, better people; instead, it makes us small and bitter and mean.
So for all those reasons, I would just resist the urge to notify her of his actions. Chances are, she already knows just as you knew but kept forgiving him. Oh, may not know the particulars, but she will soon anyway, because of who and what he is. I vote for just cutting him off. Stop chit-chatting, block him from email, don't take his calls. No drama, no explanations or justifications--just a communication black-out. This guy is not your friend and he would probably like nothing better than to drag you back into the drama.
I've gotten myself involved in a sticky situation, where I told someone the gossip about them - as a heads up, thought I was being helpful. Turns out they think *I* started the gossip and my so-called good deed has turned into a nightmare. So based on what happened with this? I wouldn't get involved, your revenge would be better placed in cutting him off completely. He'll always wonder why, if you passed along the email, etc... It's like torture but you aren't responsible - he is!
I agree with everyones posts. Revenge never is as sweet as you want it to be. It may sound good in your head but your better off cutting your loses and move on. Your a better person than that. You should be proud of yourself and just forget him and start over
I would be tempted to respond to him and CC the girlfriend ... but I wouldn't.
It's better revenge to just never respond, in my opinion. Indifference.
Plus, based on everything he did to you, he obviously gets off on drama involving multiple women. Quite likely it wouldn't 'hurt' him to have his new girlfriend see what he's writing you. It would hurt her, involve you, and basically feed into his need for other women/cheating drama. That may well be the kind of thing he wants to happen.
So don't be tempted any longer -- ignore, ignore!
Last edited by WhitePicketFences; 11-17-2009 at 11:25 AM.
OT: should I be revengeful?
I just wanted to say that revenge, for me, really is never as "sweet" as they say it is. It ultimately ends up making me feel bad about myself, about what kind of person I am. The reasons that other posters gave you for staying above the fray are all really good reasons--the drama, the continuation of being entangled with this toxic person, the protection of your image. But my top reason for resisting being vengeful is that when I've done it in the past, it has made me feel terrible about myself. Participating in revenge doesn't make us smarter, better people; instead, it makes us small and bitter and mean.
