OT: Received Semi-Bad Reference... Feeling Down... Advice?
I'm just feeling down on myself about a certain situation (which I will explain) and wondering what kind of advice you chicks have for me!
So I am a nursing student going into 4th year. This summer (between years 3 and 4), I was employed as a student nurse on one of the floors in the hospital. This is a paid job; not a practicum. Well, yesterday, I had my last day on the floor and asked the Educator if she could be a reference for me when I go job searching next year. She sat me down in the office and said something "you have been good but some of the nurses have some concerns". She went on about some nurses have thought that I haven't been answering call bells as much as I should have been. But the Educator went on to that she thinks "it's not that you don't want to answer them, that as a student, you are so focused on what you are currently doing that you don't listen for them; which makes the nurses think you are just ignoring them". Another concern was that the nurses thought I had some sarcasm/"snarky" attitude which wasn't making a good impression? An example was when the Educator commented to me coming back from my break late and that I need to be more mindful of the clock. I must have responded in a "snarky" way that made it seem put off? Like "oh yah sure whoops sorry" - in a sarcastic tone? A nurse who overheard the Educator/Me approached the Educator and said that she thought my response was rude and that I'm here as a student making a good impression and that def wasn't one. The thing is, this nursing Educator is really intimidating. I don't know what it is; it's just her personality that can scare a student. When she put me on the spot like that; I guess my nervous reaction was to include sarcasm in my response? I think if she pulled me to the side - instead of announcing in front of the whole nursing station - she would have properly gotten a more heartfelt response from me (of course I didn't say this to her; I usually think about the situation/meeting after the fact and thought about why I may have been "snarky"). Those were the only examples she gave me so I don't know if there were other comments/situations...
She did have some positives to say like "your work ethic is good, I know you can do the job. No problem there. It's just your team ethics is what you need to improve". "You're a student, you're not perfect, even I'm not perfect and I've been nursing for many years".
I dunno, this whole thing has gotten me depressed. I feel like if I give this reference out to future employers, that only the negatives will be seen. It makes me want to not even put this reference down on my future resume! But I really want to since this will be a reference from an actual employer, not just a practicum reference (from an instructor or a nurse preceptor). I have one more year to complete and so I can get a couple of references from my 2 practicums I will have next spring. So those will be more recent and if I get good references from them; it will show that I can make improvements and take criticism well; learn from my experiences. But still, I feel that this will be a deal breaker for future employers - like if it's a choice between me and someone else... yah... I know it's a reference from when I'm a student - but it's just not a good feeling; thinking you did a superb job and in reality, I may not have made the best impression that I could? I know there is a nursing shortage so I know this won't ruin my career... but then again, I don't want to not get a job that I REALLY WANT because of this. I don't know "what" would be said on the reference (like maybe some "concerns" that I'm unaware of)... it's the unknown I'm worried about. I guess I will have the final meeting/practice appraisal with the manager and will know more specifically what would be said on the reference then regarding my performance on the ward. Bah... any advice? Support? Thanks!
Last edited by SweetScrumptious; 09-25-2009 at 02:51 PM.
I think it's fairly common practice to give all kinds of feedback. Only positive would seem forced. In Ontario, our reflective practice forms all include an area about growth. We aren't all perfect. We can't say that we are and we probably shouldn't be saying it about each other either. Did that make sense?
Number two ... you've just found a few things that bother other nurses. Things that are important to them. Not necessarily about you. Just things they find important about nursing.
Number three ... you can't be concerned about what they say or write. You are in charge of being the best nurse you can be. The purpose of work placement is to get you into the true atmosphere of nursing so that you get a glimpse of what it's really like. For you to learn what it's really like. And you learned some things, right?
And finally ... Even though you feel like this is happening at a crucial time nearing the end of your training, it's not really. This is a learning experiance at the very beginning of your career. And in this career, we learn until the day we're done.
Keep going, keep learning. You can't change what's already been written but you have an entire career to prove that educator wrong.
No reference will be entirely positive. She'll say what she said to you, except probably nicer. Most job references don't gossip and go on and on, they just give the basics. Something like: "she was a student and worked hard, of course there were things she could improve on, but she was a good employee".
You can look at this reference like a semi-good. I am actually working for six years in retirements houses and I know, how hard is working with patients. My first praxis was in Provincial alliance of handicaped persons (I was still student) and after two months I thought, I will quit the school, because I am failure. My boss was dissatisfied, my colleagues were dissatisfied and I was dissatisfied. But all I needed was praxis. Now I can laugh on my past self and actually, this late boss gave me recomendation for my newest job.
And I know you did your best at this job and YOU know it too. But the true is, you can't never please all your colleagues. I think, any reference is better than no reference. And actually, your reference wasn't bad, generally was your educator satisfied. Don't be disappointed, take this job as good education for you. Now you can improve.
Last edited by ayumukasuga; 09-25-2009 at 06:01 PM.
i hate it when this happens too. She probably didnt tell you these things to bring you down, but because she wants you to be successful and not hack off your future collegues You could always speak to her about the sarcasm thing if you want, explain it was nerves not sarcasm, but really I dont think you need to be too worried
One of the things that will never stop is group dynamics. Sometimes you have a job where you gel with everyone (to the point you make life long friends and hang outside of work) OR it could be the other extreme, where you just don't get along with anyone. If you find yourself tipping the scale on the later situation, you almost have to remove your feelings from the situation and treat it like another task/goal. Nod and smile time!
One of the best things I've learned to do is just observe everyone else and how they interact. It might not be your style, but it's part of survival on that job. I hate to say it, but I had to fake it through a few jobs. One of my first jobs out of college I was the only girl on my team and the guys were 5-10+ years older than me. They ate lunch almost everyday together and never invited me. Talk about a boys club! Sheesh. So, I pretty much ate lunch at my desk alone the whole time I worked there. It sucked, but I always kept my chin up and would also always go with the flow. The result was having good contacts and more importantly, not getting down on myself.
Groups and cliques will always exist - it's a reality of life. I mean, 3Fat chicks is a group An open group, but a group all the same.
You can do it!! Just step out of the situation and tackle it with your great work ethic!
The best job skills you can develop is the ability to take and learn from feedback - without (or at least without appearing to be) getting defensive or holding a grudge (or worrying or stressing or losing confidence afterward).
Learning to listen without judgement or defensiveness, to process the information calmly and rationally, decide which points are valid and in which areas and in what ways you can improve and then using the information to work on those points, etc, and not taking negative comments personally. Learning to identify valid criticism, and responds appropriately even if the criticism isn't given appropriately...
It's a lot to ask, but it pays off in so many ways. Employers HATE giving negative feedback and they also know that employees hate receiving it, but they know it's part of the workplace. Any proof you can give a prospective employer that you "appreciate" feedback and respond well and learn from it gives you the advantages. So use this to your advantage.
First, write a thank you note for the feedback to Educator expressing appreciatation for the feedback, and apologize for any defensiveness you may have had with her or previous coworkers (don't worry if you don't really feel like you mean it very much at this point, "acting as if" is part of the diplomacy skills involved in this).
In future interviews with prospective employers, if you can give an example of how you overcame your fear of and learned to appreciate and learn from negative feedback, that will be a HUGE plus for you. This "half-bad" reference could end up being your best reference ever (especially if you have a little time to show your Educator and coworkers that you can take criticism and learn from it without holding a grudge).
I've found that no matter how crazy a coworker's allegations against you, your boss may believe them if you get defensive about them, deny them, or react sarcastically. If you're calm and act as if you really want to hear the criticism and have a chance to learn from it, and even if it doesn't seem true to you that you really want to understand why someone would feel that way about you -- if you can appear determined to always do your best and desire do better -- and if you can seem appreciative and thankful for the feedback -- you will be an extremely valuable employee.
Thank you for the advice everyone! It's nice to get other people's perspectives since I tend to slightly overreact at times What everyone has said has made myself think about my situation and I can take it as another learning experience to grow and improve!
This might change your perception slightly.First of all, I am not saying this is what your experiencing, at all.But read this article.Unfortunately nursing students and new graduates are often on the receiving end of this.In the 15 years I have been in the nursing profession, I have seen this play out over and over.Students can be pretty harshly judged and criticized by "seasoned" nurses.The only advice I can give you is to do you best, try your hardest.It takes many many years to build your confidence in the profession.But there is a place for you as well as all new graduates in the world of nursing!!Hang in there.
OT: Received Semi-Bad Reference... Feeling Down... Advice?
i hate it when this happens too. She probably didnt tell you these things to bring you down, but because she wants you to be successful and not hack off your future collegues 
You could always speak to her about the sarcasm thing if you want, explain it was nerves not sarcasm, but really I dont think you need to be too worried 
