I Have a Question About Dating, Intimacy, and My Weight.
I pretty much hate dating and being intimate with someone, but I have been talking to this guy that I have known for a while and I really like him, but he doesn’t know that I have VERY low self esteem. He also doesn’t know how much I hate my body, because I put up this confident attitude when I’m around him, but when I am really not like that.
I have lost about 60 pounds, and my body looks horrible. I have stretch marks, cellulite, giggly thighs, arms, a flabby stomach, love handles, and back fat. I mean I have the worst body ever, and I am not comfortable with my body and how I look naked.
How should I confront this situation with this guy? I like him a lot, but I don’t know how to address this to him without him getting turned off, he tells me all the time, “I love your thick curvy body”, but he doesn’t know how I look naked. Ladies please help and teach me how to accept my self, and help me learn how to address this situation when dealing with someone, because my body and low self esteem is literally ruining my life.
I know I am not a 20-something, but you sound a bit like me when I was younger You just have to take a deep breath and go for it where dating/intimacy is concerned. He is already telling you he loves your thick curvy body! What gets you to the intimacy, though, is attraction - it sounds like you are both attracted to one another. You would be surprised at just how many guys out there like "thick" women - and at just how many guys don't really care how you look naked! If they are attracted, that's all that is necessary. Seriously, they have their own hangups about how they look naked. They can overlook lots of what you might think are flaws - and some actually like the flaws.
So... don't let it get you down. It isn't as big of a deal as you think it is!
I know how you feel... Guys always tell me that they like my "thick, curvy" body as well.... and I'm like "Ok, so be it.... but you HAVEN'T seen it without clothes on it."
*sigh* They don't know about the cellulite, the big droopy tummy apron, the stretch marks, etc.
All I can say is that by experience... there ARE some guys who ARE cool with it... I've had a few lovers in the past who will even reach out and GRAB a particular roll of fat and squeeze it to my shock, and tell me they like it! It makes me uncomfortable, however much I try not to feel that way. And you know what that means? That despite the fact that I'd found a guy that was okay with it, liked it (maybe) even.... *I* was the one that couldn't adjust.
So..... I guess what I'm saying is this: There are some guys out there who will love your body for what it is, strangely enough.... it's you that has to get over your own misgivings and trust him to tell the truth about how he feels about your body. Try and enjoy it when he enjoys, and let it go from there. Worst comes... you guys won't be together because he decides you're not for him and he's not attracted to you the way he thought he was. If you pushed him away beforehand, you'd be in the same place! So what do you have to lose?
I must agree with Amanda. He he says he likes your body, then he does! Clothes do conceal your body, but guys aren't stupid, Im pretty sure he already knows your body types, and he loves it anyways!
and DON"T put yourself down in front of him! Guys hate that! One thing all guys love is confidence in a woman!
Usually when it gets to that point, he's just glad you're naked. I haven't met a guy yet who cares. Mickeypnd is right. He's fully aware of your body type already. What will make him uncomfortable is if YOU are uncomfortable.
Usually when it gets to that point, he's just glad you're naked. I haven't met a guy yet who cares. Mickeypnd is right. He's fully aware of your body type already. What will make him uncomfortable is if YOU are uncomfortable.
I COMPLETELY agree. My boyfriend says he loves the way I look, even if I'm not totally happy. But the fact that my weight doesn't bother him makes me feel better. The fact that he thinks I'm sexy makes me feel sexy and we definitely don't have any intimacy issues. And when it comes down to it, most guy's really won't notice anything except the fact that there's someone touching them besides their hand lol.
That being said - you need to accept yourself before you can ask someone else to accept you! Love your body, no matter what it looks like! And I know we like to put on a bit of an act when we're trying to get with a guy - but I think it's really better for you to be yourself and be honest with him. Trust me, you'll gain the confidence once you see how wild you can drive him and how beautiful he thinks you are!
Also, when you get to it - decide whether you want to be on the top or the bottom. If it's really driving you crazy, being on the bottom sucks your tummy in naturally. I used to hate being on top, but my boyfriend loves it because he can hold on to my hips and what-not. Sorry, end the slightly graphic glimpse into my sex life
So, as long as you have fun with him, he'll make you feel good about yourself and you'll have a great time!
Last edited by platformnine; 09-20-2009 at 01:44 PM.
You know, I always think people look really similar naked and clothed. Honestly, I mean, it's not all that hard to imagine. That said, I'm sure he's imagined you naked and isn't deterred
In fact, I sometimes reason that i look better naked because then the tight parts of my clothing aren't pushing my fatty bits into bulges.
my significant other likes me better naked...stretch marks, jiggly bits and all.
I think you need to focus on what you do like about yourself. Even if its not perfect, there has to be something that you like about yourself. Remind yourself of that, not of everything you dislike. Confidence can make all the difference
Thank you ladies, you girls are so encouraging, but I’m trying my best to accept and love myself. He seems like a great guy but I’m afraid what he may think about the body image issue. I want to talk to him about it but I don’t want him to get turned off, I have always had this problem, but I’m learning how to accept all my flaws and love it day by day. Thanks again!
This is a great thread, thanks for asking the initial question, motivation86!
I feel like I'm constantly trying to remind myself that they are just happy to be with a naked woman, and that they don't care, but it is still super scary and intimidating. I struggle with this as well. I'll keep all of the thoughts from this thread in my head the next time it comes up! (Hopefully sooner than later, lol!)
I have stretch marks, cellulite, giggly thighs, arms, a flabby stomach, love handles, and back fat. I mean I have the worst body ever, and I am not comfortable with my body and how I look naked.
Sounds like you're describing my body! haha. Seriously though, I have all those issues and more but I also know I have attractive parts of my body as well. Try look in the mirror and tell yourself all the beautiful things you see in it, don't say anything negative. (Eg. Nice hair, breasts, curves, yadda yadda)
Ooo and congrats on the 60 pounds loss, that's fantastic!
As for your male friend, I am sure he gets an idea of what your body looks like just from looking at you. Unless he is totally out of touch with reality, he will know many women have cellulite, love handles, back fat and all that stuff!
I was nervous being naked infront of my boyfriend for the first time too but within 60 seconds I realized he didn't care one bit and was still attracted to me.
Good luck with your guy, try and be confident and know that even if your body doesn't look how you want it to yet, it's still beautiful and has some great assets you may be overlooking.
With my ex, I had such body issues... I used to complain all the time before he'd try to convince me he loved me the way I was. Now that I look back, I regret not just accepting it. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are now--not who you'll be in 6 months. Be proud of what you've already done.
I have to say that I definitely feel better about myself now that I'm married because my husband seems to love me naked despite the fact that I can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror. He's even mentioned that he doesn't want me to lose too much weight (even though he does because I will be healthier). I say that if you trust him enough to be intimate with him then you can trust him enough to love you for who you are.
I can relate to what you are saying OP. I'm out of my 20's, but am 30, but cringe at the idea of dating and being intimate. I've been dealing with this for at least 10 years....daily. I turn guys down, and run in the other direction when someone shows interest.
I wish I knew how to change my thinking, cause it's awfully lonely.
I Have a Question About Dating, Intimacy, and My Weight.
You just have to take a deep breath and go for it where dating/intimacy is concerned. He is already telling you he loves your thick curvy body! What gets you to the intimacy, though, is attraction - it sounds like you are both attracted to one another. You would be surprised at just how many guys out there like "thick" women - and at just how many guys don't really care how you look naked! If they are attracted, that's all that is necessary. Seriously, they have their own hangups about how they look naked. They can overlook lots of what you might think are flaws - and some actually like the flaws. 
Guys always tell me that they like my "thick, curvy" body as well.... and I'm like "Ok, so be it.... but you HAVEN'T seen it without clothes on it." 
