I've found myself in a rather odd place lately, and I was wondering if it's normal for someone in their mid twenties - or if environmental factors are affecting my behavior.
My husband and I are so not ready for kids. We're both still going to school to work on our masters, we're not really "settled" and having a child right now would be a bad idea. However, I find myself torn. I work in an office where 2 women have had a child in the last 6 months, and two more are pregnant. I used to be horribly opposed to the idea of having a kid before I 30 - but I find myself wanting one. Well - my body is responding one way and my brain is fighting for dear life. So I'm confused.
I've already started arguing about names with my husband because it ‘will take us 5 years to agree on one’. At least that’s my excuse. (I'm not joking either; we're on opposite ends of the spectrum. He hates anything the least bit effeminate, biblical, trendy... basically every single name except Christopher - which I don't really like that much.)
I think he’s starting to think I’m insane because I keep saying I don’t want kids, then start arguing about names. Ugh. I think I’m crazy; I don’t even want to know what he really thinks.
I guess my question is: Am I just going crazy because I'm surrounded by babies, or does this biological clock phenomenon really exist? I would assume 26 would be to young for it to “start ticking” but what do I know.
I always knew I wanted kids and I used to think about names and all that stuff way before I was actually ready to have one. I think what you are feeling is normal. I also know after having two kids that it is a lot smoother if you have all your ducks in a row and you're in a good place when you do have one. They change your life and if you are not ready then it is hard. It's hard enough when everything else is going well and I can't imagine trying to juggle school, job, husband and kids all at the same time. Also, offer to do an overnight babysitting gig and that might cure your ticking clock.
Well, I'd say what you're going through is pretty common. I've gone through it off and on over the past couple of years as well (I'm 27).
I don't know about the biological clock, but I have read (and I can't remember where or how scientifically sound the information was) that being around breastfeeding women can make you really want children, right away. Apparently breast milk secretes some sort of hormone that indicates that this is a safe place to have children, so being near these women signals to you that it is safe to get pregnant and have kids near them.
I don't know if it's true or not but I know that if is true, it could explain my own intense childbearing urges despite not being financially ready over the last couple of years as they seem to correspond with time spent with breastfeeding women.
I have always knew I wanted to be a mother since I was very young. I took care of my younger sister when my mother was incapable of doing so and my love for children grew from there. For the last three or four years I've desperately wanted one but I am waiting for the right time, ie: being married, having a bigger place, and the funds. I can relate. A couple of my friends have kids and it makes me want one even more. But just wait until the time is right for you. You are NOT crazy.
My husband and I were married at 24 and swore from our wedding day that we would be on a "5-year plan" in terms of having kids. Since turning 26 (I'm 27 now), I've been going through phases of "yes let's have babies RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" and "no, no! I don't want kids for at least another 10 years!"
I think it's normal. From what I hear, a lot of women can be ambivalent about having children. It's a huge step. It changes your life forever. It's also extremely rewarding. I too often find myself say "no I don't want children for another few years" but then talking about names or pointing out adorable outfits or discussing how I'd like the nursery to look. I always say "ask me next week about how I feel about having children - it'll be the opposite of what I feel now!"
The older I get, though, it's not really "should we or shouldn't we?" but more "when is the right time?" My husband is finishing up his MBA, so the smart thing is at least another year. And I have my own personal goals (lose the rest of the weight, compete in a marathon) that I would like to accomplish beforehand.
Ooooh I know how you feel. I'm 24 and have been thinking "family" a lot lately. It's like, I can't wait!! But I CAN wait...you know??
So I go and play with my boyfriend's niece...she's 11months old and adorable! After playing with her all day, my "wanting my own" subsides...for at least a little bit.
I love babies. I freakin love kids. I think they're the most awesome things on the planet. But I'm 24, and I'm not yet married to my boyfriend, I don't have a career yet, so I make an effort to not be around babies because they make me too emotional.
It's not just a woman thing, it's a human thing. We all have the drive to reproduce. What you are feeling is instinctual and totally normal. But having a baby just because you want one isn't a good idea to have one.
And I already have names picked out: Reagan for a girl and Bastian for a boy.
I went through a phase very similar to this. I felt like I really wanted a kid, but KNEW I wasn't ready. Being only 19 years old. Yeah. It hit me at a very strange time. I didn't try or anything, but I felt like I really wanted one. Now I'm not even sure if I want kids at all. Ever. It's just the way women work. Something strikes a chord with us and we feel maternal.
Thanks ladies. The hubby is great, and I told him last night that I in no way plan on having kids anytime soon, but if I talk about them a lot to just ignore me. Ha. He just kind of laughed at me - perhaps he's used to me by now
I'm still not giving up on the name argument until I win though...
Babies
