[angelinelosesweight]

First- I know- absolutely know- that when I work out, eat right and drink lots of water, I lose weight (Albeit slowly) and I look/feel AMAZING.

However- there are so many things that have happened in the last week- I just want to give up and say whatever to every thing.
Here is my week:

Sunday- totally one track- worked out, felt amazing
Monday morning- on track, worked out, ate well
Monday early evening- dinner went fabulous- yummy veggie pasta

Monday late evening- found out my sister-in-law's daughter (my niece) had died- she's 11 months old and died of failure to thrive- lack of social interaction and inabilty to grow/put on weight properly.
- side note- my husband has A LOT of problems with my sister's parenting- three different children- three different fathers. Still goes out clubbing and drinking three nights a week- LOTS of family drama on my in-laws side.
--- we go out for ice cream as a family (the boys and me) to get the kids out of the house

Tuesday- terrible- feel like crap after last night staying up so late. Do not workout, get Subway for lunch, over eat at dinner- have 2000 calories

Wednesday- stil do not work out- but stayed under 1400 calories, but they were not quality- chips and dip, italian soda, barely any water or fruits and veggies

Thursday- 7 jalopeno (SP) poppers, two lean pockets, subway for lunch, italian soda, and things with the family are getting worse- SIL almost went to jail for her daughter's death, but autopisy 'saved' her - deemed it wasn't "technically" her fault- not enough her fault for any sort of conviction.
---- I start to blame myself, because there are things I notice (like diapers not being changed, diaper rash down her legs and upper back, her mother letting her sit in her car seat for hours- until someone else in the family picked her up- I talked to my husband's parent's about it, but still feel like I should have done more)

That brings us to today- I have started my TOM- I'm miserable and I just found out my hubby's ex girlfriend (who his sister and mom have openly sasid they wish was still part of the family) is going to the funeral. * Before you start to think "her she can invite whoever she wants to her child's funeral" I totally get that and I'm not jealous of her with my husband- I'm just disappointed that we've been married almost a year and they still show me- in so many ways they still think of his ex-girlfriend as more of a family member than me and it really hurts my feelings.

sorry this is so long, but I just wanted to let it out thanks for listening- reading...

[leighish]

I'm so sorry to hear about your niece :'(

That is an awful lot to swallow by itself. But most importantly Angeline, you can NOT blame yourself for her death. I really hope your Sister in law starts to see the error of her ways and becomes a mother to her other two children. Are they taking her other kids away?

As far as the ex girlfriend goes, it sounds like they really liked her and it doesn't necessarily mean that they wish you were out of the picture. They should be a little more discreet about their feelings toward her though. The important thing is, you ARE a part of the family now and they need to stop treating you like an outsider.

I do not blame you one bit for falling off of plan. I do encourage you to find your way back though. Good luck and if you need to talk, feel free to PM me!

[beerab]

When you go to the funeral I'd make sure hubby is by your side the whole time at least.

It's unfortunate and I'm sorry that little girl passed away- I am curious too is anything going to happen? Are authorities involved? I hope she really learns from this hard lesson how precious children are. Or at least get her tubes tied if she doesn't want anymore!

You are dealing with a stressful time, don't blame yourself, you have children too, a husband too, I'm sure you never realized how bad it was- but maybe next time if you suspect abuse just call CPS. My mom had a daycare and has had to do that before. They keep it anonymous.

Stay strong

[LittleMoonRabbit]

I am so sorry to hear about your niece. That is just so sad. But it isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself.

I would say don't worry about staying 100% on plan right now... concentrate on what's at hand. However, don't use food to drown out your emotions either, since that's a tough habit to break. Just concentrate on being with your family and your husband, and getting through this tough time together. I hope things get better, and I hope your sister-in-law learns from this experience and changes her ways.

[JulieJ08]

That is just the saddest story ever

But about the ex-GF, it's normal to feel a little down about that. Hopefully it will get better with time.

[angelinelosesweight]

Thank you all very much- it definitely has made my heart feel better to hear some supporting words.

As for my SIL- because the autopsy was deemed 'failure to thrive' they are saying it's not technically her fault, so they have released her from police custody. She can still have custody of her children, but they are staying with her parents (spending a couple nights with grandma and step grandpa, and then with grandpa type of thing). Her oldest's husband will likely fight for full custody when this is all over. The middle child doesn't have a father- he was one of many random one-night stands that my SIL doesn't know the names of.

I have talked to my husband about his ex being there- he actually it up- that it was really disrespectful to our relationship and to me- since his mom and sister really don't like me. His dad is upset she's coming and so is his brother. They like the ex, but they think it creates a really akward and inappropriate situation for everyone - I'm the DIL- not the ex....

Thanks so much again for the comments- they help SO much

[PeatrixPotter]

OMG I am so sorry to hear about all these things.

[PammyFl]

[Gypsy Severina]

I'm sorry for the loss of your neice. Take the time you need to focus on your family and grieve, then get back to it as a stress relief. Most of all, do NOT blame yourself; ultimately it was her mother's responsibility to care for her keep her healthy, not yours.

As for your husband's ex, if his family likes her, great, but I agree that it is disrespectful to have invited her to the funeral when she has no ties to the family. Her condolences would be appreciated, but ultimately she isn't family or even a close relative. But since she is coming, don't let it get to you. One day, your 10th anniversary maybe, the women in your husband's family will open their eyes and realize that YOU are his WIFE, not a casual fling. What's most important is that your husband loves you and you love him.

Sorry this is so long, but also keep in mind that funerals have never brought out the best in anybody in the entire history of funerals. Their behavior is also spurred by grief, and should be taken with a grain of salt, albeit a very small one. Hope this helps.

[Leeesa]

This has been on my mind all morning, I'm horrified and disturbed to the core about your little niece (I have a 15 month old baby myself) I can only imagine the grief that must be gripping you right now. All I can say is, this too shall pass and don't let it completely derail your efforts. About the ex, don't let it get to you, she's an "ex" for a reason, she's not a member of the family you are. If they are functional, logical people, they will accept that eventually.

[angelanicole23]

So sorry to hear about your neice..truly heartbreaking. Can they prove that neglect was part of the reason for this "failure to thrive"? I've never ever heard of this! I really hope that the other siblings have a much better chance. I cannot believe she is still able to have the other children!

As for the ex gf thing..just remember that YOU are his wife..I totally understand what you're going thru...believe me i've been there. This will sound funny but when I was with my ex bf.....his ex gf (they had built a house together and high school sweethearts) worked with his mother, spent a LOT of time at their house etc..and she was basically part of the family. This made me feel EXTREMELY awkward and finally when she was invited to a baby shower he finally voiced my concern to his family and picked up for me. Although most of the time he didn't give two hoots and thought I was acting childlish (hence he's an ex...an ex A** that is). Anyways...like I said..you're married...he loves YOU and you both will need one another now more than anything.


These past few days have been real tough for you.....don't stress too much over what you've eaten..that is just ONE more stress you don't need. Things will come around and you will get back on track!

Let us know how everything goes! Just remember we're here for ya!~

[angelinelosesweight]

I cannot thank you girls enough! I went to work out on my lunch today and I feel so much better! I knew if I went I would- it was only 35 minutes and a medium intensity, but GOODNESS it was great- at first I couldn't get into it, but after ten minutes I felt great.

The funeral is Monday so my plan is to workout Sat, Sun and Mon morning for sure. I'll not focus as much on the food- because it was causing a lot of extra stress for me- angelanicole you are right about it being one more stress I don't need.
Leesh if only they were functional---- oh if only

Seriously- thank you! thank you! thankyou! It has made my week have a ray of light to be able to have support from so many wonderful ladies!

[beerab]

Hey well all you can do is hold your head up high at the funeral and hubby should give this ex no more than a passing glance and a mere high to show her HE doesn't welcome her. And again him being at your side and attentive to YOUR needs shows the ex and his family that he's it's over- you are there to stay I'm not saying get all catty about it- but I'd just treat her as someone neither of you know at the funeral lol.

I look up Failure to Thrive and I guess there are so many reasons it happens it's hard to pinpoint on the parents When my friend had her first child her baby lost weight at first and it was because she wasn't producing enough breast milk, the doctor told her to go to formula and she did. It's just something unfortunate that happened

Good luck with this- take care of yourself and forget about his family, take care of your own

[jahjah1223]

I am soo soo soo sorry to hear about your niece

[girlpiggy]

When my boyfriend's half brother died, his mother was with me and about 5 other girls just talking. She then went to all of the girls and talked about how beautiful they were. When she got to me, she just stared at me for a second, didn't say a word and turned to the person next to me and started again about how beautiful they were. I wasn't really sure how to take it... if she was just acting weird because of her grief or if she just felt like being mean? Either way, I had my feelings hurt for about 2 seconds and then realized it wasn't worth it.

It seems that funerals sometimes bring the worst side of people out when it should be a time of relying on each other for support. I send my hugs though!