OT: Ended Things.
 

The serious drawback to a long-distance relationship where the guy goes for entire days without talking to you/replying to txts cos he doesn't feel like it?

Having to break up with him by e-mail.

I feel like slime. I can't stop crying thinking about how hurt he's gonna be when he reads it.

I'm such a wreck right now. And to top it all off, I know I'm gonna have a MAJOR headache coming on from all this crying...

Oh god. :(

Im sorry jelb :hug: but when he wont even take the time to text you why would YOU change up your whole life for him? its for the better. and it will only hurt for a few days!

Oh I'm so sorry sweetness! You deserve someone who'll treat you much better. Don't feel bad for breaking up via email...if he's not answering his calls, it's the only way that you can do it.

Just keep your head high honey...I know it hurts, but it'll get better over time.



*hugs*

:hug:
I can't imagine how much you hurt, but I do think that you made the right decision ... it will get better :hug:

Well I'm no help, but just know you're in my thoughts. This stuff isn't easy but I'm sure you're doing the right thing. You deserve the best, girl. And you're the ONLY one who can make sure you're getting the best. So you're doing the right thing. I just wish it wasn't so hard! :hug:

Good luck. We're here for ya!

Hugs. Breakups can be beyond tough. Know we're thinking of you.

:(

:hug:

I feel for you:hug:. I'm going through a ****ty situation involving a guy too. If he wasn't replying to you you didn't have a choice so don't feel bad. Try to distract yourself as much as possible, spend time with friends, watch movies or workout. Just keep telling yourself you WILL get through this.

Jelbb!! I'm so sorry! But jahjah and Courtney are right. If he's not returning your calls or anything, you shouldn't have to wait around to do it, especially if you're this torn up about it. Maybe write everything you want to say to him out and then once it's on paper decide whether or not you are ready to send it to him, or whether you want to wait to 'read' it to him once you get him on the phone. Good luck!!

I've been in your spot before, and it's not fair for a guy to be asking the world of you and not giving anything in return. I hope that you get to feeling better soon!!

Crying headaches are the worst! You are not slime, and I hope you feel better soon.

:hug: It will get better with time, I can guarantee that!

Honey I'm so sorry :hug:

When I go through stuff like that and know I'm just going to feel like a$$ and cry, I just make some tea, take some Nyquil and settle in.

I think you'll find soon enough that this was all for the best.

I'm sorry Jelbb, that's rough. :hug: I think you did the right thing, judging from what you've shared with us.

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate it. :(

I was broken up with once by e-mail after a 10 month long relationship. I memorized the e-mail. It wasn't difficult. It read:

"Jess,

I don't want to be with you anymore.

sorry
-Guy's Name-"

I think that's why the e-mail format makes me feel so horrible. But my e-mail was nothing like that. It detailed the unsolvable problems in our relationship, our varied approaches to conflict (him, avoidance, me, trying to work through things---), the fact that we can't make each other happy in the long-run, and how I don't want to force him into ANOTHER year of long-distance relationship when the love of his life could be passing him by while he waits around for me.

And I told him I love him, but I don't think we'd be happy together forever, and he's an amazing guy, and that I hope he holds out for the right woman... because he deserves her.


....but I still feel like ****. :(

Sound like whoever the idiot was that broke up w/ you by email probably had another choice, like the phone or in person, and took the easy way out. Your email actually gave an explaination...plus it's a long distance relationship which is very hard, but this was one of the major ways you communicated with each other. My mama always told me that this to shall pass. It always agravated me because it didn't seem like it ever would, but she's right. Please don't be down on yourself for taking this route. It sounds like you did the right thing. **hugs**

Oh no, Jelbb, sweetie, I am SO sorry to hear about this. I've never really been in a relationship, so I can't even imagine how you must be feeling... But I know it must be awful. :hug:

Some general things that I'd like to remind you of:
1. You are NOT slime. This was not an easy decision for you to make, and it's obvious that you did not make it lightly. You took a lot of time and put a LOT of consideration into it. You should not feel guilty about doing what you know in your heart to be best, and although you both will be hurting for a while, you did not set out to cause him pain.

2. More importantly than taking his feelings into consideration, it's clear that you thought long and hard about your OWN feelings, and I think that is so indispensably important! You have to take care of yourself, and I think it's a sign of very great maturity that you were able to weigh the situation with a fairly clear mind and recognize the solution that you think is best for you. Even if breaking up with him isn't necessarily what's going to make you happy right this moment, you still did it because you knew it was for the best, and would make you happier in the end. It takes an extremely strong woman to find the courage to do that.

3. UM, speaking of strength, do you even KNOW how strong you are?! I have mounds and mounds of admiration for you--you don't complain much, but we all know what a crazy-stressful life you have had lately (just your school workload alone would be enough to choke an elephant!), and it is truly inspiring that you're managing to tackle all of those things AND lose weight at the same time--you are like superwoman! I'm sure I am not the only one who has noticed.

4. Not only do you manage to do all of these amazing things, but you are also sooo kind and supportive of everyone on 3FC, always there willing to cheer someone up, or write crazy-long personal messages to everyone in a thread, just because that's the kind of genuinely sweet person you are. You are certainly one of the most valued and loved members on 3FC, and we all care about you very much and are here for you while you're going through this. :hug:

Yep. Hope I didn't get too personal, but I just thought those are some things you should keep in mind... It never hurts to hear a friendly voice when you're going through something tough. :^: Hope you are feeling better soon, but make sure to take some time you let yourself heal! Maybe you're one of those people who can benefit from throwing yourself back into things and channeling all of your emotion into your weight loss, but personally I think I would want a few days just to wallow--and if that's what you want, NO ONE will blame you for it. Lots of <3, girly.

Oh sorry Jelbb! I don't see what other choice you had... you needed to talk NOW and he wasn't there for you. When you're an ocean apart and someone won't use the phone... what else is left but email?

You totally sound like me--you are worried about how hurt he will feel by the email--but he has totally been ignoring you, which based on your posts, is hurting you too. I honestly think there's no great way to break up. Sure there's ****tier ways than others but if someone broke up with me "the right way"--I'd still be a horrible awful mess. Break-ups just suck. :hug:

I am sorry he put you in that position! Because really, he did. You need to do what's right for you, and I totally understand feeling bad for it.. but this is YOUR life girl!! Don't waste it on someone who is too busy for you! You are FAR too hot to have some guy ignore you!

-Aimee

Thanks so much everyone. :( Everything sucks right now, and I really appreciate you all being here for me, even if I'm gonna be mopey and miserable right now, lol. :(

Do you ever feel like EVERYONE in your world is in a happy functional relationship, except for you, lol? (Unless of course, you are... :p) Everyone I know is either engaged, talking about getting engaged, or getting married. I'm a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding, the maid of honour at my mom and my brother's weddings, my friend just told me her and her bf are talking about getting engaged last night and she'll want me to be a bridesmaid.
I'm like Katherine Heigel in 27 dresses.

I feel ya. Long distance relationships are very difficult anyway. Five years ago (I only bring it up because I haven't dated since, so I don't have a more recent example) my ENGAGEMENT was broken over the phone (summer break from college, we were in different states). And then to add insult to injury, on my birthday and the day we were leaving the house to go to Michigan for my grandma's funeral, I got a letter in the mail about everything the guy thought was wrong with me and my family. This is an awful example because I'm still hurt and recovering from that relationship, but!!!!!!! I thank God every day that I didn't end up forever with someone so wrong for me. I know your decision was a hard one to make, but nobody knows you better than you, and obviously he was not the one for you.

It hurts now but itll get better. And you are NOT slime. Just the fact that you are worried abut his feelings shows that you are a good, considerate person!

I hope everything works out for you and that you can feel better sooner rather than later.

aimee

Lol it really seems that way sometimes eh. BUT those people in happy relationships were also single at one time and probably stumbled across the future guy/girl at one point. It's quite comforting to me to see so many happy couples, it means its quite possible for everyone to find someone (or more than one!) out of the 6 billion people out there and be happy.

"Do you ever feel like EVERYONE in your world is in a happy functional relationship, except for you, lol? (Unless of course, you are... ) Everyone I know is either engaged, talking about getting engaged, or getting married."

Oh honey- I'm newly married and there are days I want to strangle my husband- I always look around at other married couples and I'm like- how on earth to they do it and how are they perfectly happy- ALL the time! :)

Every couple has their days- the guy is out there for you- the one where the good days will out weigh the bad and you'll look back on this as just another life step to get to him:)

pshaw. happy? functional? perfect? :rofl:

sorry i'm late to come hug and make sad faces, i hope you're feeling a little better today. i know how it must have sucked to have to breakup via email but you kno, it's 2009, it wasn't the worst thing in the world.

but here's a :hug: for you

I'm sorry for the intensity of emotions that you are going through right now... but every trouble that happens in our lives lead us to something that makes our life even more wonderful than it otherwise would have been. You've loved, been loved, and that's a wonderful thing in itself.

We're all here for you hun. :hug:

First of all, I can TOTALLY relate to this feeling except on a somewhat different level - everyone in our crowd is married with kids, and we're the only holdouts. People look at us like we're aliens.

Also, there's an old saying that goes something like, "Every family looks great together, but only on a photograph." Appearances can be awfully deceiving.

Secondly, I'm so sorry that it had to come to this. :hug: Don't feel bad about the e-mail break-up. Did you really have any other choice - the man wasn't responding to any other method? Don't beat yourself up over it. I would take his lack of response as a sign that you did the right thing by choosing not to move to Ireland. After all, how would he react when you were actually over there and you two got into a disagreement? His actions were very telling. It seemed like he was trying to use the silent treatment to emotionally bribe you into changing your mind because of guilt. Good thing you're a smart cookie and saw past all of that!

I wouldn't give the guy more than a few days mope - it's not worth it. Go out there, buy yourself a new outfit and hit the town with the girls. Sure to make you feel better.

:)
:hug:

Y'know, the ends of relationships suck, but... I think I KNOW this relationship was ready to end simply through the fact that... I'm upset. But I'm FUNCTIONAL. I went to class today. I did an in-class writing assignment that my prof afterward deemed, "A very interesting point." I did the 30 Day Shred. I chatted with my housemate. I'm going to do some schoolwork this afternoon/evening.

The past two times I've broken up with guys/been broken up with, where the relationship was more than 9 months... I was a wreck. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I didn't do work. I didn't move. And I didn't stop crying. For WEEKS.

I think the fact that this relationship has been long-distance is going to make the end a lot easier. He wasn't a part of my day-to-day existence, at least not in more than txt-format, so... not that much will change.

In an attempt to make myself feel better, I checked out an old online dating profile, and as soon as I updated it, I started getting a handful of messages from guys. None of whom I'm really interested in, and I usually don't bother replying, it's just.. good affirmation that I won't be alone forever, lol. :(

Though I'm totally not ready to start dating in the next month(ish) at least, the one guy who messaged me who I thought was kinda cute... his name is Jesse. Dear lord. Jesse and Jessica. That's just wrong. :p

Edit:
Oooh. Just got an e-mail punch in the stomach from the now-ex. :( Slammed me for the e-mail breakup. Guilted me over having bought plane tickets to come see me. And told me that he'd fallen in love with me while I was there before. Something we never said to each other while we were going out. Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch. :(

:hug: I'm sorry honey. I can say, I somewhat know how you feel. I left my love in Jamaica, and I know it's not easy. I will tell you, it does get easier in time. Time heals all wounds.

Sorry I'm late to this, I've been deathly sick and partying all weekend (not a good way to get better it turns out).

But I think all this guilt-trip stuff is a good way of seeing just how wrong he is for you. Anyone who says that they love you only as a way of making you feel badly about yourself doesn't. They're just being selfish. If he was so in love with you why wouldn't he return your calls and texts so you didn't have to break up with him via email?

There are a lot of people in this world I DON'T love and I still return their calls in a timely fashion.

Sorry lady :( He wasn't right for you - so don't waste your time.

I know people suggest books, and usually it's like ok thanks, but i'm not going to actually read it... but my friend literally handed me this book when i ended my last relationship and was a wreck much like i assume you feel it's called:

Better single than sorry.

http://www.jckonline.com/articles/bl...inSorryhcc.jpg

Life changing. It points out that you deserve to have the right guy in your life, and you should never settle. And it goes on to give you great tips about how to get said perfect guy, it's a life changing book. I recommend it :) It really helped me stay afloat.

I'm proud of you! It's hard to end things, you are strong.

Consider this...I was in your shoes, I did what you did, and he came to his senses. Two years later, we got married. That was almost two years ago. I think men have this insensitivity chip. They have a hard time seeing things from any perspective other than their own. We were supposed to be working toward a future together but, when I moved, he stopped putting in the effort. I told him that I shouldn't have to beg to be able to talk to him no matter HOW upset we were with each other. He played the tough guy role for all of three days before he came to his senses and realized that long distance relationships required MORE work than ever, and if what he really wanted was a future with me, we were both going to have to make it happen. Good luck, girl!

A little taste of our current MSN conversation:

"jess i love you, and im gonna regret realising that to late for the rest of my life, and the thought of never seeing u again is killing me"

"i can't believe I've done this..."

"i just dont understand how u can say not to come, i wanna see u so much how can u not feel the same... im actually crying here..."

"i wanna hold u and kiss u, if i had of known standing outside my house that last time.. that that was it... i wudn of let u go..."

Gooooodddddd. :(

You need to put your foot down, just say no and its over and then cut off communications with him. The more you talk to him the more he's likely to think he's still got a chance here, which I assume he doesn't. It's harsh, but he needs to start to try and get over it too. Everything he is saying is making you feel worse, block him on msn, set your junk mail to filter his emails, or if you really want to read them then read them but don't reply.

You did the right thing, it feels right to you. Think about the first time you were broken up with- I know I said a lot of things to try and make them change their minds even when they knew there was no chance of it working. It's exactly what he's doing. It's normal but you have to make it stop. Or you will keep regretting and questioning your decision. Stop listening to him, keep listening to yourself, you ARE right to do this.

:hug: Its a horrible situation to be in and I think most of us have been there in some form or another :( You are a beautiful, wonderful, smart, funny and kind person, and there is no way in :censored: that you will end up spending the rest of your life alone girly :) But if you don't make a clean break from this guy, it will make it harder to find that nice guy (and for him to find his mrs right). You both deserve to be happy, right now you need to take care of your own happiness. His feelings are no longer your responsibility. You tried to make it work but it didn't. Thats not a horrible failure on your part, its life.

You're going to be fine :hug: Shut down your computer, go to the gym, do your school/college work, see friends, have a laugh. Be free :)

Aw girl, your position right now...I'm so sorry you're in it. :(

It really sounds like mind games on his part. A relationship should be both ways, not just when it's convenient...and it really sounds like you gave it your all. You know in your heart what's best for your and what you need to do--what you deserve.

Hang in there hunnie...

if its over and that's your decison, you should avoid talking to him on IM. It's not going to help.

I can relate to you in a lot of ways right now. Of course my situation is a bit different (we live together, we're engaged).

You're still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Sometimes I felt like because I saw my friends having babies and getting engaged, I had to. You don't. Be happy and do what is right for you! He really needs to stop guilt-tripping you. My ex of a year and a half did that all the time and I always took him back. He cheated on me all the time and in the end he made me feel terrible about wanting to break up. I finally ditched him and felt instantly better. My life was less stressful. If they want to guilt-trip you and make you feel bad, don't talk to them. I know you may be still emotionally attached, and you feel the need to talk to him - Just lay down the law. Tell him he can either talk to you normally, without all the emotional baggage, or you two won't speak. It's over. That's the end of the line. Don't let him make you feel like you've made a bad decision.

I read your previous post as well ~ I don't think it was right for him to ask you to give up your life practically. To be honest, things change drastically when you live together and I've learned that the hard way. I don't know how comfortable I'd be in Ireland if things went sour. What would you do? Sometimes you just need to look after yourself. There's plenty of people out there as cliche as it sounds.

Thanks ladies. :hug:
God, I don't think I could get through all this without all the input you guys and my friends here have been giving me. It means so much.

I think I have made the right decision... but still being in love with him really makes things harder. Especially hearing how hurt he is. He's in such pain, obviously, and as much as our relationship didn't work, he's not a bad guy, and I want him to be happy. :(

of course you do- you're a nice person too! But if you're not happy, you cant make him happy either :)