grrrrrrrrrrr men!

My husband hardly shows emotion too (unless he wants something lol) and we've been married for 7 years! But when he does show emotion he goes all out which balances things i guess lol

Ugh. Sorry i'm (fashionably) late, but i've been on a 4 day bender since my BFF came to town for a visit and i'm not well. At all. I had to put her on the plane still drunk and after I post a few things my butt is going right back into bed so forgive me if I sound a little cranky.

I'm sorry you're upset sweetie, but I think you did the right thing. If you're certain it's done and gone, then tell him so and put him out of his misery, so to speak. If you're not sure, this is high time for negotiating in your favor. Yeah, yeah, diplomacy in relationships is so unromantic, "if he loved you you wouldn't have to manipulate situations", what-the-f'-ever. Men learn the same way children do. By learning from experience what hurts and what doesn't. Rushing to his side to comfort him will result in the same old same old, but putting your foot down and taking the control in the situation could result in some pretty positive dynamic changes. Don't decide anything now while you're an emotional wreck, but if you have that little inkling in your head that he might be 'it' keep him on an open line, reassess and get back to him in a few months and see where you two stand. Heck, if anything you'll at least remain friends and you'll always have someone to party and crash with whenever you're in Ireland.

Now about those poor saps auditioning to be the rebound... POST PICS!

((((hugs)))) Feel better honey. It sucks if he's not putting in his 50%. You deserve someone who will.

I love you all, lol.

Nish, I'm sending you a pic of the guy who has essentially the same name as me via PM, since I feel sketchy posting it publicly without his permission, lol.

He asked me out to dinner. I told him I'd go when I'm home mid-late April. I don't want to rush into anything, especially not while I'm still so upset and my ex is still REALLY upset.

But for now I think I made the right choice. And I repeated that decision to him today, despite him going on a long ramble about how..

il never forget every moment we spent together, good or bad, and my eyes are literally welling up writing this, uve no idea how much i regret not being better to u, and for me ul always be the one that got away, il be waiting for u jess and i hope that some day u change ur mind, or even just want to talk to me again, i love u so much, x

I have to admit, I burst into tears. Completely sobbed. But I still think it's right. Even if I do go back 5 or more months from now... for NOW... I need it to be over.

seriously girl, you gotta stop reading what he sends you. It sounds like its tearing you apart.

I've been semi-lurking and following your story, and I'm sorry it's come to this. Breakups SUCK, and it's so hard to know what to do sometimes, but I think you're doing the right thing.

Honestly, I've done the breaking up before only to take the person back, but in my case it was after a lot of "I know what I did was wrong, and I'm truly sorry, and this is what I'm going to do in the future to make sure it doesn't happen again." Lots and lots of communication and rehashing where things went wrong, and specific examples of how things were going to change so that the situation could be prevented in the future. And then they d@$% well better follow through with that. People do learn, and people can change, but I'm not really hearing a lot of that from him. It seems like he's just sad you broke up with him, and he's not really giving you very good reasons to get back together. No "I'm sorry I didn't contact you and put you in this position," no "We can work out the distance thing. Let's find a compromise." Just guilt and vague hope.

I'd stick to your guns. There's a better relationship out there for you.

I got an e-mail today from one of his friends.

Hey Jessy B!!

I was up with **** today and I have to say, I've known him since I was a kid, and I've never seen him like this before. I know this is the last thing you wanna hear from me but I know he loves you. And I KNOW you love him too. When I first saw you guys together I said to myself that you were the one for him and I believe you still are the one for him. He's realized he's made a huge mistake and he knows what he's done wrong. All he keeps telling me is that I should have done this and I should have done that and its very hard to see him this way.


Guhhhh. I just want to cry right now.
Slash... I am crying.

Jess I'm so sorry this is so hard and no advice helps.
If he wants to make this relationship work why can't he come prove that to you??

Bullsh*t they know you love him, they dont know jack about you. What they believe doesnt mean a thing, sure its hard for them to see a friend like that but what kind of friend emails the ex girlfriend and fuels the boyfriend's misguided belief it could work again? Seriously, if i were you i wouldnt be upset, i'd be angry. Now its bordering on harassment. This completely proves that you shouldnt be with this person- look how pushy they are!

He obviously only cares about himself- he doesnt give a damn that you want to move on, all he cares about is securing his own happiness

You deserve far far far better than this. And you deserve to be left in peace to recover. If i were you i would seriously consider changing email addresses or blocking certain people.

Urgh. Man, am I feeling this topic right now. I just ended things with the guy I've been dating for 2 years over email - because he's "just too busy" to answer phone calls.

You know that message I sent you last week??? I only wish someone had said what Iconised has said just now, to me, only like 4 years ago when I was allowing myself to be manipulated... I think she's right, girl.

exactly (sorry i wasnt here 4 years ago to be all wise-woman like ). I mean, it is perfectly understandable and natural to have an initial reaction of "oh no, we can fix it, please dont leave", but after this period of time its just being selfish, manipulative and mean in order to get what they want

And truly it is pretty childish to have the friend do the contacting. And if the friend wasn't put up to, it's childish of the friend to meddle.

Think long term- you don't want a marriage that started out this way.

Stick to your guns, girl, this takes time but I think we can all agree you need to stay away from this manipulative situation. Keep doing what you know is best. Good luck

Ditto this! That just comes off as childish and desperate to have a friend email you. I think you did the right thing...now consider cutting off contact to allow yourself (and him) to heal and move on.