Sorry I'm late to this, I've been deathly sick and partying all weekend (not a good way to get better it turns out).

But I think all this guilt-trip stuff is a good way of seeing just how wrong he is for you. Anyone who says that they love you only as a way of making you feel badly about yourself doesn't. They're just being selfish. If he was so in love with you why wouldn't he return your calls and texts so you didn't have to break up with him via email?

There are a lot of people in this world I DON'T love and I still return their calls in a timely fashion.

Sorry lady :( He wasn't right for you - so don't waste your time.

I know people suggest books, and usually it's like ok thanks, but i'm not going to actually read it... but my friend literally handed me this book when i ended my last relationship and was a wreck much like i assume you feel it's called:

Better single than sorry.

http://www.jckonline.com/articles/bl...inSorryhcc.jpg

Life changing. It points out that you deserve to have the right guy in your life, and you should never settle. And it goes on to give you great tips about how to get said perfect guy, it's a life changing book. I recommend it :) It really helped me stay afloat.

I'm proud of you! It's hard to end things, you are strong.

Consider this...I was in your shoes, I did what you did, and he came to his senses. Two years later, we got married. That was almost two years ago. I think men have this insensitivity chip. They have a hard time seeing things from any perspective other than their own. We were supposed to be working toward a future together but, when I moved, he stopped putting in the effort. I told him that I shouldn't have to beg to be able to talk to him no matter HOW upset we were with each other. He played the tough guy role for all of three days before he came to his senses and realized that long distance relationships required MORE work than ever, and if what he really wanted was a future with me, we were both going to have to make it happen. Good luck, girl!

A little taste of our current MSN conversation:

"jess i love you, and im gonna regret realising that to late for the rest of my life, and the thought of never seeing u again is killing me"

"i can't believe I've done this..."

"i just dont understand how u can say not to come, i wanna see u so much how can u not feel the same... im actually crying here..."

"i wanna hold u and kiss u, if i had of known standing outside my house that last time.. that that was it... i wudn of let u go..."

Gooooodddddd. :(

You need to put your foot down, just say no and its over and then cut off communications with him. The more you talk to him the more he's likely to think he's still got a chance here, which I assume he doesn't. It's harsh, but he needs to start to try and get over it too. Everything he is saying is making you feel worse, block him on msn, set your junk mail to filter his emails, or if you really want to read them then read them but don't reply.

You did the right thing, it feels right to you. Think about the first time you were broken up with- I know I said a lot of things to try and make them change their minds even when they knew there was no chance of it working. It's exactly what he's doing. It's normal but you have to make it stop. Or you will keep regretting and questioning your decision. Stop listening to him, keep listening to yourself, you ARE right to do this.

:hug: Its a horrible situation to be in and I think most of us have been there in some form or another :( You are a beautiful, wonderful, smart, funny and kind person, and there is no way in :censored: that you will end up spending the rest of your life alone girly :) But if you don't make a clean break from this guy, it will make it harder to find that nice guy (and for him to find his mrs right). You both deserve to be happy, right now you need to take care of your own happiness. His feelings are no longer your responsibility. You tried to make it work but it didn't. Thats not a horrible failure on your part, its life.

You're going to be fine :hug: Shut down your computer, go to the gym, do your school/college work, see friends, have a laugh. Be free :)

Aw girl, your position right now...I'm so sorry you're in it. :(

It really sounds like mind games on his part. A relationship should be both ways, not just when it's convenient...and it really sounds like you gave it your all. You know in your heart what's best for your and what you need to do--what you deserve.

Hang in there hunnie...

if its over and that's your decison, you should avoid talking to him on IM. It's not going to help.

I can relate to you in a lot of ways right now. Of course my situation is a bit different (we live together, we're engaged).

You're still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Sometimes I felt like because I saw my friends having babies and getting engaged, I had to. You don't. Be happy and do what is right for you! He really needs to stop guilt-tripping you. My ex of a year and a half did that all the time and I always took him back. He cheated on me all the time and in the end he made me feel terrible about wanting to break up. I finally ditched him and felt instantly better. My life was less stressful. If they want to guilt-trip you and make you feel bad, don't talk to them. I know you may be still emotionally attached, and you feel the need to talk to him - Just lay down the law. Tell him he can either talk to you normally, without all the emotional baggage, or you two won't speak. It's over. That's the end of the line. Don't let him make you feel like you've made a bad decision.

I read your previous post as well ~ I don't think it was right for him to ask you to give up your life practically. To be honest, things change drastically when you live together and I've learned that the hard way. I don't know how comfortable I'd be in Ireland if things went sour. What would you do? Sometimes you just need to look after yourself. There's plenty of people out there as cliche as it sounds.

Thanks ladies. :hug:
God, I don't think I could get through all this without all the input you guys and my friends here have been giving me. It means so much.

I think I have made the right decision... but still being in love with him really makes things harder. Especially hearing how hurt he is. He's in such pain, obviously, and as much as our relationship didn't work, he's not a bad guy, and I want him to be happy. :(

of course you do- you're a nice person too! But if you're not happy, you cant make him happy either :)

No doubt he's sincere, but I think what you have to consider here is whether you want to spend your life only hearing what you need to hear by ending things. He's always going to make you force his hand instead of stepping up and being a man in the first place. It's a dynamic that will repeat itself with every important step in the relationship. IMHO.

Jelbb - I just want you to know you seem like one of the coolest people ever! You are beautiful- hot profile pic babe! smart and you are cheerful and always willing to support others- you deserve the best!

Like JulieJ08 said regardless of whether he is sincere you need to see some emotion- he wouldn't give you any until it was too late. That is no way to spend a life with someone. If he takes you for granted now he probably always will unless something major changes and I don't really believe that people change all that much.

You are young and you will find someone. I know it sucks now though.

Ugh, god. The one other time I had to break up with a long-term, it was my boyfriend of a year and a half. I said good-bye, we said we loved each other, and we walked away with our dignity after sleeping together one last time, lol. :(

Txt from boy:
"Called in sick today. I always wondered how it felt to have you heart broken and now I know. I care about you so much. I can't stop thinking about you. I don't know what to do."

My friend Jamie:
Jess, he's finally realized the consequences of his actions, and how he treated you. If you took him back now, he'd never learn a damned thing.

His friend Richie:
He's a fool and I'd say he feels like one for sure.

My mother:
Are you sure you did the right thing? You're awfully upset. :( I hate to see you hurting...

Me:
Ugggggggggghhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnn.

I know you're right tho... Julie about him making me force his hand, and Squirrely about him taking me for granted. I've often thought that in our relationship... if he has such a hard time with physical and emotional affection, it's only gonna get worse with time as he starts to take me for granted more, which happens naturally in every long-term relationship.

It's just... fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Hard. :( And he's so crushed. I really think this blind-sided him. I hope Jamie's right, I hope he learns from it. I just have to have the courage to stick to my decision while he suffers. :(

spoken true words of wisdom! +1

im writing this down for myself.


i've had those breakups. ;)


btw, are you dating my bf. bc it sure sounds like it. honestly, i really can relate to you. i had a LD bf, and then i moved to a closer town to be together. i dont regret it, bc at least now i know. we just aren't meant to be. but i get frustrated, b/c i think im a decent catch and i dont understand why my bf is so emotionally inept. i have to constantly remind myself that it's not my fault.

but anyway... good luck. breakups blow, no matter who does it. :hug:

Truer words were never spoken. (Or written). It's a lonely way to live. I was married young, at 18, to a man who was very stingy with words and affection. It's not that he was a bad guy or being mean, he just wasn't generous with conversation or affection; I felt like I had to beg and drag it out of him and it was exhausting. We broke up, too, only we had been married for 16 years and had two little boys and we ripped their world apart. So you are a smart young woman to do the difficult thing now, rather than 10 years down the road with two little kids. Hang in there.