I just turned 23 about a month ago. This month has gone by so fast. I was just thinking about how monotonous my life is, I can tell what time it is by what is on one of the 5 tv stations I receive.
It's not that I haven't ever done anything in my life. I've actually done some pretty exciting things. I just feel I'm not reaching my potential in anything. I've always felt my weight was holding me back. My low self-esteem does too. I'm aware of my low-self esteem but I was in denial of it for a while. To me, it seems every time I'm doing something worthwhile or if things are going well, I need to mess it up.
The past few years I haven't done anything worthwhile. I work 6 days a week as a waitress and I always need to be concerned with the needs of everyone else and I never do anything for myself. I dropped out of college, even though I'm from out of state and it cost twice as much to go. I now owe around $50,000 in loans, with nothing to show for it. After that I stayed in Iowa and instead of getting residency and re-enrolling in school, I put it off and planned to move home to Illinois, then scrapped that plan too. Now I'm living hours away from my family, and while I have plenty of friends here, I don't feel like I have many who understand me. Today, one of my friends sent me a text asking if I wanted to go to lunch, but I was eating just then so I said no and then she got mad at me for not calling her back yesterday when she called me. Sometimes, I just don't feel like talking to people. I should have ignored her after that because sometimes she acts like a brat, and she knows it, but I tried to make excuses. I shouldn't need to justify myself. For my birthday, some friends bought me a cake and were planning a party, but I decided to avoid everyone and stayed in. I put too much, for too long into a guy who couldn't have cared less about me and although I should know better, I'm still upset about it.
When I get to my goal weight, I know I won't be happy just because of that. I know I need to work on a lot of things. I know I need to work very hard on my self-esteem, I'm just not always sure how to go about it. I think I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of vicious cycles.
If it makes you feel better, I know how you feel... I was moved hours away from my family and friends too, for about three years. Granted I had friends, but no one I ever got too close with, and no one that I really clicked with. It's tough, I did recently move home, and things have gotten much better.. maybe you could look into that?I've spent time on a guy not worth my time, too... it sucks. It's hard not to love someone sometimes even if they do treat you like crap. But, there's always a chance for a new start, pick yourself up, think of how much better off you are without him, and do things for yourself. I think you;ll find that once you quit caring what your not so friendly friends and guys who aren't worth the time think, you'll attract people in your life who do.
Best of luck!
I know you can do it!
welcome to my life. i wasted alot of time in college. getting a useless degree instead of the one i wanted. after college, and 50K later, i moved around a bit. just treading water. even now, still just treading water. im just sick of not doing anything, but sometimes i feel like im too afraid to even try.
Hey there. Hugs to you. I am older than you now but I remember those feelings too. All I can tell you to do is fake it until you make it. If you don't love yourself enough to make good decisions, just pretend that you do. It is simple advice but I know it's not easy advice to take. It is really the best thing I personally know to tell you to do. Eating clean and moving your body will help with your feelings too. Welcome.
Girls...I feel ya! I am going to be 25 in a couple of months and I am a server and have been for years now. I just had to move back home a couple of months ago after breaking up with my (what was going to be my husband) and am now living with parents and I have a 2 year old son that has never met his own father. Its stressful to try and get someone to even look my way let alone want to hang with all the baggage I have...not to mention that I still need to lose at least 30 lbs!! But I try and tell myself everyday that I am awesome...and lately I have been almost believing it. There is always a bright side...sometimes its just harder to find
To get away from my dad I went to college as far away as my mom would let me go. I spent two years there, but I had a really hard time making friends. Looking back, they were really just drinking buddies as I don't keep in touch with any of them now.
I think that all the physical, mental, and emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of my father taught me not to trust people AND completely ruined my self esteem. The one "real" friend that I did have in high school decided to dump me and spread vicious rumors about me after I told her that her boyfriend was hitting on and touching my younger sister. After years of being taken advantage of by another "friend" I finally dumped her after she revealed that she had been up to my fathers lake house, a place that I had not been able to go for years. What kind of loyalty was that, especially given the fact that she knew exactly what went on in my house with my father?
After two years out of state I moved back home because my parents were finally getting the long awaited divorce and I needed to help my mom. Also, my boyfriend was back home and the long-distance thing was horrible. I managed to transfer all of my credits to another college and graduate 3 years later.
I'm feeling the Quarter-Life crisis too. My degree is worthless, because quite frankly what do you do with a Business Administration major with a concentration in Management? I kind of had to pick a last minute major because I was the first to go to college in my family and no one (including the worthless guidance counselors) told me that for architecture (which was my dream in high school) you needed an art portfolio. More school is not up my alley because I got disillusioned by all the empty promises made by the schools - your grades are excellent, oh you'll find such a good job and make soooo much money. Yeah, right.
While I'm happily married and still employed, I feel so unaccomplished. I am totally overqualified for my job as a legal secretary. There are days where I do enjoy it, mostly because of the content of the work (patents, trademarks, and copyrights), but there are days when I'm like, "I'm a freakin' secretary, how did this happen?" The friend situation has not changed AT ALL. At the moment I have no real friends, no one that I can call and shoot the $hit with. I have work friends and everything, but usually once everyone moves on to another job those friendships tend to end.
I totally wish that a life manual existed somewhere out there.
Sorry I can't really offer any advice as I seem to be in a similar boat. I would say though that things might be easier back home, especially if you have a good family that can act as a sort of support network for you.
Maybe it would help you to find something that you enjoy doing outside of work. Something that'll make you feel accomplished that you have complete control over.
Maybe you can run a marathon? Or start biking to work? Or join a book club to meet people? Set up a booth at an arts and crafts fair if you like crafts. Volunteer somewhere! Do you like kids? You can volunteer at a church daycare. You could volunteer at an animal shelter. Look in the news paper in the family section and look for things that are going on.
I really do think it'll help you to get out there and do things. Maybe you should consider seeing a therapist to help you with some of the feelings you're having.
Thanks, everyone! It really does help to know I'm not the only one who feels like this, because sometimes I just feel so alone. I know I need to keep working at doing the things I want to. I woke up in a better mood today than I did yesterday, so that alone is an improvement.
Sometimes I feel the same way! I'm about to turn 21 and I'm in my third year of Molecular Biology/Nutritional Science, essentially I have busted my *** through university and have everyone I know telling me its a worthless degree. But I always tell myself I'm capable of ANYTHING and if there's something I really want in my life I WILL do it. If I want to make lots of money, I will find a way.
As for not feeling like seeing people, I went through this as well. But I learned to get over myself. Chances are the people you know are going through the same things so give them a break when they're flaky or moody.
I also wasted a ton of time with a guy that treated me like crap. To make myself feel better about it I go through a list of reasons of why I'm awesome and why he will totally regret it someday. As for self esteem, running has helped a lot. I have the feeling of well I can run 10 miles...then I must be strong and I CAN do anything I put my mind to. Essentially I'm trying to make myself strong inside and out.
I went through that in my early to mid-twenties. I finished college, but struggled to find a "career". After a year I found one, but I was miserable and hated every minute of it. That's when I started gaining weight, too. I was depressed and started to eat to make myself feel better. I started seeing a doctor for depression and taking Zoloft. I was absolutely miserable. EVERYTHING made me cry.
I did some soul searching, and read What Color is Your Parachute? That's when I decided to go to grad school. About a year and a half ago I got my master's and started teaching. I've never been happier, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
just adding on to what a lot of ppl have already said (I cant believe so many people feel this way or felt this way). I am graduating this year, (degree in Art History/English). worthless, I know Unless I keep going to school. And I don't want to do that bc I'm just so tired of it. I just turned 22 in January, and I really felt old. I mean, don't get me wrong I know I am barely an adult, But I just feel that this is such a life-changing year for me and nothing is decided. ppl tell me it gets better so here's hoping...
Quarter-life crisis
