so..
 

My bf and I have been fighting non-stop lately, and we both know how to push buttons. Well, to get to the point, he called me a "fat-***" last night. I responded by telling him to become more original and not use something I have heard since I was in elementary school.....Now, I dont need advice like "dump that guy," because in all honesty i wasnt being very pleasant either. Its just hard for me, because he is all in shape mister firefighter, and i have come along way losing 37 pounds, but still am not where I want to be....and its hard because I just went on the pill do largely in part to his encouragement, so im trying really hard to deal with that extra hindrance in weight loss.

Hmmm so i guess i dont really need any advice, more wanting to share a frustration. Thanks for reading

What an *******. Since you both like to push buttons and do it anyways... next time say "I can fix my weight problem and I am, you however, would have to put a lot of money into fixing that face!".... ahaha I'm kidding. I guess you should just tell him to say anything he wants but not about your weight because you have enough issues with that as it is. Oops, I gave advice.. oh well.

You might not be where you want to be yet but you aren't even close to what he called you. You are beautiful and need to remember that! Since you weren't being nice either maybe you two should have a no name calling rule or find a calmer way to discuss your disagreements.... just a suggestion.

You might want to explore why the two of you are resorting to such childish methods of expressing yourselves.

I'm not the epitomy of mental health and clarity, and I'm not claming to be an expert on relationships, but through intensive therapy, I am learning the difference between destructive and constructive dialogue.

The worst thing to do is have a fight when you are having a HALT moment.
H: Hungry
A: Angry
L: Lonely
T: Tired

you could discuss this concept, and the next time you guys fight, either one of you can just say "look, I'm having a HALT moment, it would be a BAD idea to talk right now". and both of you are going to have to be willing to step back from the situation and respect each other's HALT moment.

Or, in a non-HALT moment, you can discuss how hurtful personal attacks are and agree to make a conscious effort to hold back on the personal attacks if you get into a fight.

oops, there's some advice too, I couldn't help it. But at least it's not "dump him" advice!! lol.

~CGH~

Whoaaaa... choir, that has to be one of the best posts I've seen today. I totally need to use that with my mom. I have HALT moments every now and then and it would be nice to just say HALT than to explain to her why I might be in a bad mood. Thank you.

Lol I didnt mean no advice at all, jsut not the type that means kick him to the curb.


I really really like the HALT advice. thank you!

heee! at your service!

~CGH~

you guys need to talk about fighting fair. yeah we get crabby, but you should agree to quit it with the name calling. ive been bad w/ this.. i am the name caller in my relationship. he'll act dumb and i'll be like "you are such a d*ck!" but I have to stop myself, because it's just not a productive.

There is a book out there, I think it's called Fighting Fair. It really opened my eyes to avoid situations like you guys are going through.

fighting fair is not an option for me. i have to win, regardless of the consequences i have to win and will do anything to win. i often get carried away and say the most hurtful things i can think of and why? because when you upset someone they can't think properly and they make mistakes in their arguments for me to exploit.

however what really annoys the gf is that after the argument i forget it. its just gone from my mind where as she dwells on it thinking i meant it when actually i didn't mean it i was just using it to exploit and oppertunity to win the argument.

just let it go in one ear and out the other.

*I* want to punch him in his face! 162 lbs FAT at 5'8"? That's my friggen GOAL. I want to chew his ear off. :lol:

thats a poor excuse. and not a fair justification. own up to the consquence of saying something hurtful to someone.


i used to fight alot and found that it got me virtually nowhere. but i never say something i know can hurt someone. and now as i've grown, i realize that yelling only perpetuates the wheels to keep spinning.

So you would say hurtful things to your gf just to win an argument you forget about later? OUCH

lol want to pull a Mike Tyson, eh?

ya seriously...just because im not 100lbs like his exs doesnt make me fat!

I think im going to get that fighting fair...a copy for each of us actually lol. and the HALT method too!