So, there is a guy that I like, but I’m afraid of pursuing him because of my weight=(
I’ve known this guy for about 5 months, he constantly want to take things serious, he has never dated a chick that was considered plus size, but for some reason he really likes me. He tells me he loves my style, my attitude, and my personality, sounds great huh? NOT! He tells me all the time that he loves my body, I am so curvy and I am not as big as I think I am. Ladies I am 5’7 and weigh 256 pounds, I wear hip clinchers and hide my love handles and my fat under good clothing. I know how to dress my body. He tells me I am curvy, but the body clinchers give the illusion. I have a horrible body underneath my clothes and garments. I hav Stretch marks, love handles, jiggly arms, back fat, belly fat, and blubber, and I got most of this because of my recent weight lost, I use to weigh 307 and went down to 230, but I gained some back. I told him that I have love handles and I use to weigh 307 pounds, and he says I don’t care and like love handles, I wish he would just understand. I like him, but I am not comfortable with my body, with clothes on and with my body clinchers, I feel curvy and sexy, but underneath that I am not. It saddens me that I can’t just accept myself and just ignore this, but I hate my body it’s just horrible. I can’t even describe it. Please help; I want someone to love me but my weight continues to affect that.
ok, well first, you'll never let anyone really love you, if you can't love yourself. we've all heard that before.
and second, i feel you on the undergarments thing. i have horrible horrible breasts. they are like old lady boobs. but with the right undergarments, i can make them look perfect, almost fake. ppl always tell me how great they are. but little do they know the ugly truth. even now, i barely take off my bra during sex, my bf prolly thinks i'm insane, but is too scared to ask why.
my question is, why is this guy talking about your body like this anyway. does he bring it up. did he come out and say that you have nothing to be worried about, he likes curvy women. or did you say that you were uncomfortable about your body and then he commented like that.
even if he's never dated a woman considered "plus size," he might just be someone who looks at the person, and not the size. Generally when a man falls in love with you, he is oblivious to the flaws that you think are so obvious. But it's also a big turn-off for them (and just bad for you in general) for you to be constantly making negative remarks about yourself.
I'm not really sure what to advise.. it seems you have to feel better about yourself before you are going to be able to let someone in. Or take a risk.. say, clearly this guy likes me, I'm just going to go for it! In relationships, the worst thing that can happen is that it doesn't work out. Then you move on, but more experienced.
ok, well first, you'll never let anyone really love you, if you can't love yourself. we've all heard that before.
and second, i feel you on the undergarments thing. i have horrible horrible breasts. they are like old lady boobs. but with the right undergarments, i can make them look perfect, almost fake. ppl always tell me how great they are. but little do they know the ugly truth. even now, i barely take off my bra during sex, my bf prolly thinks i'm insane, but is too scared to ask why.
my question is, why is this guy talking about your body like this anyway. does he bring it up. did he come out and say that you have nothing to be worried about, he likes curvy women. or did you say that you were uncomfortable about your body and then he commented like that.
I agree with that first statement, maybe I should just be alone and stay miserable by myself lol
I've been open about my weight and how my body fluctuates with him. I would tell him about my weight issues(BIG MISTAKE), but I wanted to let him know, because I don't want him to be surprise if we were to every get serious, he has dealt with skinny chicks and normal size women, but he says he likes me for the way I am and he does not care, and constantly says you are not that big, you are curvy, but he doesn't know what curvy is, I got into an argument with him about my body, because he tells me I look fine, but he does not know.
Last edited by motivation86; 01-14-2009 at 12:01 PM.
even if he's never dated a woman considered "plus size," he might just be someone who looks at the person, and not the size. Generally when a man falls in love with you, he is oblivious to the flaws that you think are so obvious. But it's also a big turn-off for them (and just bad for you in general) for you to be constantly making negative remarks about yourself.
I'm not really sure what to advise.. it seems you have to feel better about yourself before you are going to be able to let someone in. Or take a risk.. say, clearly this guy likes me, I'm just going to go for it! In relationships, the worst thing that can happen is that it doesn't work out. Then you move on, but more experienced.
I have taken plenty of risks , my last boyfriend did not care for my size, but I never really showed off my body, I had the lights off most of the time, but after a while it got annoying. I want to have a normal life, but my weight always get into everything. I need help right?
Nothing is really going to come of any relationship if you don't at least try it...if it doesn't work out then you can use it as a learning experience.
Really though the only thing that seems to be holding you back is your self confidence. When this relationship opportunity passes you by then you'll probably will be kicking yourself for getting in the way of your own happiness.
[QUOTE=motivation86;2550984. I know how to dress my body. He tells me I am curvy, but the body clinchers give the illusion. I have a horrible body underneath my clothes and garments. I hav Stretch marks, love handles, jiggly arms, back fat, belly fat, and blubber, and I got most of this because of my recent weight lost, .[/QUOTE]
ME TOO GIRL! ME TOO! I say you should give this guy a chance. He sounds like a keep so far.
He seems pretty positive about your body. Though you wear slimmers and such, he still knows your overweight. I don't want this to come off as rude or anything, but I think he has a better idea of what is underneath than you give him credit for. And he sounds really sweet!
Please don't let your hang ups result in the possible loss of a fun relationship. Talk to him about it, share with him how you're feeling.
At the end of the day though most guys are so excited to see us naked that they're not paying attention to the body issues we see as glaring and obvious!
I guess you need to decide what you want. Everyone has things they don't like about themself, whether it their body, character flaws, things that happened in their past. When you take a risk in getting serious with someone you have to be willing to share who you are, even the things you don't like about yourself, and be willing to let them accept you for who you are (flaws and all).
So what do you want? Do you want to take a risk and pursue a serious relationship or not?
He seems pretty positive about your body. Though you wear slimmers and such, he still knows your overweight. I don't want this to come off as rude or anything, but I think he has a better idea of what is underneath than you give him credit for. And he sounds really sweet!
Please don't let your hang ups result in the possible loss of a fun relationship. Talk to him about it, share with him how you're feeling.
At the end of the day though most guys are so excited to see us naked that they're not paying attention to the body issues we see as glaring and obvious!
I would love to see where things can go, but sometimes I feel more like a lab experiment, the fact that he has never been with a women my size scares me. My exes have dated women who were overweight, maybe not as overweight as me, but they have exposed to women who were plus sized, but this guy hasn't. I'm telling you he's a great guy, and I think I may just loosen up a little from now. Thanks!
Last edited by motivation86; 01-14-2009 at 12:36 PM.
I guess you need to decide what you want. Everyone has things they don't like about themself, whether it their body, character flaws, things that happened in their past. When you take a risk in getting serious with someone you have to be willing to share who you are, even the things you don't like about yourself, and be willing to let them accept you for who you are (flaws and all). So what do you want? Do you want to take a risk and pursue a serious relationship or not?
I do I want to be happy and enjoy my happiness with someone else, but I have some serious low self esteem issues, he notices it too as of late, when he met I had such a great self esteem now I don't so much, because of how my weight has fluctuated.
Oh you should probably talk to some ladies on here that are married and conisdered overweight. Their husbands are absolutely in love with them, weight not an issue. There has to be other men in this world that are like that, and must maybe you've found one! Not only that you are working to lose more weight and become healthier right? How amazing would that be to share that journey with someone who loves you how you are.. and will love you throughout this entire experience. Like some other girls have said, i think you should give him a shot! While working on some self confidence of course.
oh yeah and by the way -- just because a woman is at a normal weight doesn't mean she looks hot naked!! believe me I have plenty of cellulite and flub around and my boyfriend doesn't seem to care!
You know, so many people wished that people would love them for who they are and not their looks. I consider you to be lucky to have found someone who likes the real you. He may not have seen underneath your clothes yet but it's probably not as bad as you think.
I met a guy at a bar and at the time I was drunk and confident lol and he got my number. Well when he actually called to hang out I was so scared....thinking what if he was just drunk, does he know how I look? Well we have been together for about 5 months now and he loves my body and all of my flaws.
I think it is wonderful you found someone who likes you for you, I would give it a try. It seems you just lack confidence, but who doesn't! If you aren't confident than fake it. This guy should make you feel great, he loves it so flaunt it!
But honestly I wouldn't worry, stop thinking so much about it and just go for it!
So, there is a guy that I like, but I’m afraid of pursuing him because of my weight=(
