I know this probably isn't the right place to post this, but I need opinions, and you ladies have great advice and keep me sane when I have crazy food urges! But this isn't food-related...it's the situation I'm in. Kudos if you make it though! Haha
Ok, brief overview--I was with my ex for 4+ years, and we were engaged for 2 years until we broke up in June of this summer. (He was 17, I was 18 when we first started dating...I broke up with him, and he's still pretty devastated..) I hate that I hurt him, but I knew in the back of my mind he'd make some girl perfectly happy one day, but he wasn't who I personally wanted to spend the rest of my life with. (To this day, we're on great terms...we hang out every now and then, talk every so often, etc) But this summer, I was going through, let's say, a "quarter life crisis" and rearranged my goals, outlooks, beliefs...and when everything became clear, I felt HAPPY again. I wasn't wanting another relationship for a while, but then HE came along.
There's SOMETHING about this guy that I absolutely love! Well, pretty much everything...let me say that this is definitely not a "rebound" if that's what you're thinking. I've had my share of rebounds, but this feels so real. It scared the mess outta me the way we clicked so well when I met him, how I even tried to avoid him and stay away because I didn't want a relationship...but I couldn't. He's incredibly alluring, sweet, very good-looking, and my gosh we have SO much in common! As in, I've never had so much in common/such a connection with ANYONE before. We always have a great time hanging out, there are never any awkward silences, and from the start, we've both been completely comfortable around each other...
So I gave in. I knew it was soon to date after my ex-fiance (like I said, we broke up in June...I started dating New Guy by mid/late July...) but I couldn't pass up the chance. And this guy is totally head over heels for me...he said the "L" word after about 2 months (which I couldn't say back to him for a while because, well, even though I FELT it, I didn't know if it was RIGHT because it was so soon after my ex and I split..) but eventually I did, and it feels so NATURAL telling him that. I could see myself with this guy for such a long time to come...which is where the problem comes in.
He's told me a while back, "You know, I'm going to marry you one day. I want to spend my life with you." He knows what I went through this summer, he knows my outlook on everything, but I'm very set that I want to graduate and get a steady career and get my own place after graduation before I can really commit to anything...but he's very ready to settle down with me. Part of me is absolutely thrilled and can't wait, but another part of me is like, am I READY for this again?? He jokes around and makes comments about being married here and there, and I always reply, "What's your rush?" and he always shoots back, "Why wait?" LoL!
And then there's my family...they adore New Guy, but their hearts still ache for Ex (I mean, he's been part of our family for over 4 years). I STILL haven't told my parents the depth of New Guy's and my relationship for fear of what they might say. My mom already thought I started dating too soon and that I "didn't give myself enough ME-time". But they really do approve of my boyfriend, and they're excited that I'm not moping or dwelling on the past. But how would they react if I told them I love the guy and there may be plans of a wedding sometime in the future? I don't want them to freak out over how quickly things have progressed.
It's easy to think that your parents would be devastated without Mr. Ex in thier lives, but as my own parents have pointed out to me, YOU are their child. Not Mr. Ex. As far as they are concerned, they may or may not like or approve of someone, but YOU'RE happiness and well being is what matters most to them.
I think it's OK to tell BF that you love him, but the M word just freaks you a little right now, and you just need to not talk about it all the time. And as far as talking of marriage to your parents, that's just not a necessary conversation until you're engaged, right?
Oh my!, Well i think thats great that u found someone new, but in my opinion take things slow. i would hold of on tell the parents for a lil bit to make sure he is "the one". i think there maybe not ready to here shocking news again. lol i think if this guy truly loves u and wants to marry u, then he would wait until ur ready. (emotionally, physically, and mentally) hope everything works out for u. keep us posted
I think it's OK to tell BF that you love him, but the M word just freaks you a little right now, and you just need to not talk about it all the time. And as far as talking of marriage to your parents, that's just not a necessary conversation until you're engaged, right?
Also yes.
I would be kinda freaked if a guy started talking like that so early on. Put the breaks on a little if you need to!
well i think the reason y u cant be open after u got out of a serious relationship, n u found a new guy. he was just unexpected. but the time will be right when u tell them n it will be all good 4 u.
I'd definitely say there's no need to rush on mentioning marriage plans to your parents. If you want to tell them that you are in love with new boyfriend, then good for you -- I'm sure they'll just be happy to hear that things are going so well for you. But like JulieJ said, there's no obligation to have the marriage convo with your parents until you're engaged -- you can at least hold off a little until it doesn't feel too soon to you.
I think it's great that you found someone who loves you and whom you love as well, you can't ever have too much of that. I also think its commendable that you ended a previous relationship because you were able to see that it would not be the right thing for you, despite I'm sure, the massive amount of pressure you must have felt breaking such a long standing relationship and an engagement. This to me is proof that you are able to do what is best for you and if your priority is to get settled first in the real world before getting married then go with that.
Pretty OT and kinda long!
