My boyfriend dated this girl for about... 2 years I think? Well, this was a few years ago, but she apparently still thinks they should get married and what not.
Anyway, she is coming into town with one of their mutual friends tonight to visit him. They are going out to the bars to, so I'm just really nervous... Because they will be drinking together, and also she has to sleep somewhere right? Where will she sleep? In the bed that my boyfriend and I sleep in together? (I don't live with him, but I stay there quite a bit...)
The underlying issue, she is a really skinny girl. I have been trying to lose weight so I can be thin like she is, I feel like my boyfriend would find me more attractive if I could loose more weight... so this is all just really stressing me out!!!
I'm nervous that she's going to try and pull something to take him away from me.
I shouldn't go out with them, right? I think it'd just be way to awkward...
First of all, stop worrying that you're not skinny enough. You have to learn to live with yourself. He's with you now, right? Not her. That means he sees things in you that he didn't find or didn't like in her. If you want to go, ask him if it would be okay. I'm sure you'd like to get to know some of his friends, so why not? Casually ask what the plans are, and if you're not invited then ask where he'll be in case you want to get in touch or he might need a ride or something. If he says she'll be staying at his place, tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Honesty is the best way to deal with it.
You don't need to lose weight to be like her. If you feel you must lose weight, lose it for yourself, to feel better. If you really need to lose, it should be because you know a couple pounds off will give you more energy and give you that boost you really need. From what I see, you're a beautiful girl that's completely into a guy that likes you just the way you are. If I worried about every little teenage girl with a uniform fetish that hit on my husband, I'd belong in a straight jacket on the psych ward.
If you've been invited, and want to go, why not? She is his ex, not his current. Not that things "couldn't" happen, but how much do you trust him? If he's not trustworthy, then you have to ask yourself, why are you with him (and if he's prone to drinking to the point that he does things he wouldn't ordinarily do, that's a big sign of problem drinking, and it brings up the same question).
I know what it is to feel that kind of jealousy, but if your bf is that easy to lure away, you want to know NOW. No one can take a way someone who doesn't want to be taken away.
I think this is the time, regardless of what you decide to do (go with or not), you've got to act (even if you don't feel) like you're not worried in the least. Nothing hurts a relationship quite like the feeling that you're not trusted. The person who is flattered by their partner's jealousy is a lot smaller than those who are hurt by being distrusted. So go, or don't go, but don't let the bf think you're the least bit concerned that he will leave you for her. You KNOW you're the better catch, and how crazy he would be to give that up (remind him of that, if you want, in a fun way). You could tell him you find it a little creepy (but I wouldn't) Regardless. don't let him think you don't trust him (unless he's untrustworthy, in which case you've got bigger problems).
If you can be friendly and completely nonchalant (not there to challenge her or size her up), I'd say go - as long as you can present the appearance of confidence in your relationship. You're not there as a chaperone, but as a gf wanting to get to know her bf's friends (whether they be former gf's or not).
And by the way, when I met my husband I was about 150, I'm at 200 right now, and when we got married I was probably 190ish. You know what's changed in our lives over the years? My clothing size. That's all.
My boyfriend dated this girl for about... 2 years I think? Well, this was a few years ago, but she apparently still thinks they should get married and what not.
Anyway, she is coming into town with one of their mutual friends tonight to visit him. They are going out to the bars to, so I'm just really nervous... Because they will be drinking together, and also she has to sleep somewhere right? Where will she sleep? In the bed that my boyfriend and I sleep in together? (I don't live with him, but I stay there quite a bit...)
The underlying issue, she is a really skinny girl. I have been trying to lose weight so I can be thin like she is, I feel like my boyfriend would find me more attractive if I could loose more weight... so this is all just really stressing me out!!!
I'm nervous that she's going to try and pull something to take him away from me.
I shouldn't go out with them, right? I think it'd just be way to awkward...
I would go. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. You look good girl, strut your stuff and be confident. I bet your boyfriend will find that super sexy.
First off, why is your boyfriend still hanging out with his ex and inviting her to sleep over?
Not that I have trust issues, but it still seems a little weird, I certainly wouldn't invite my ex boyfriend to stay with me, nor would I go out with him and drink.
I also would ask my boyfriend why he wants to hang out with a girl he dated in the past that still wants him and still dreams of marrying him.
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I shouldn't go out with them, right? I think it'd just be way to awkward...
Pfft, hes your boyfriend. If anyone should feel awkward, it should be the ex girlfriend that still daydreams about getting married to her ex.
First off, why is your boyfriend still hanging out with his ex and inviting her to sleep over?
Not that I have trust issues, but it still seems a little weird, I certainly wouldn't invite my ex boyfriend to stay with me, nor would I go out with him and drink.
I also would ask my boyfriend why he wants to hang out with a girl he dated in the past that still wants him and still dreams of marrying him.
Pfft, hes your boyfriend. If anyone should feel awkward, it should be the ex girlfriend that still daydreams about getting married to her ex.
Exactly! Amen sister..... It is just weird and she's the one that needs to feel awkward.
I think its easier said than done to tell you not to worry! Truthfully, if I was in your situation I would be feeling the same way. However, why is your boyfriend going out with her tonight in the first place??? I think you should go out with them tonight. You should also talk about how you are feeling with your boyfriend and get things out in the open. After all, communication is everything in a relationship. It may make you feel so much better to talk to him and he may reassure you that he has no more feeling for her. Stop thinking that you are not skinny enough!!
You have trust issues, thats evident from your post. I also have trust issues. I say go out, let her see that he has a hot, sexy, confident girlfriend, she'll probalby be very intimidated by you.
Personally, I wouldn't go out with them. But that's me and I wouldn't enjoy an outting like that. I also wouldn't enjoy that my boyfriend were going to hang out with his ex at all and I would tell him that, even if it did make me seem jealous or insecure. At least it'd be honest of me to admit I didn't like it.
I understand how something like that could make you feel insecure and as someone with a history of a weight problem, I also understand what it's like to always blame the weight first -- if I were thinner, he'd be more attracted, if I were thinner, I'd feel better, etc etc. But seriously, you are a healthy weight right now and also, very pretty (and probably also very nice and smart too!) and her weighing less than you doesn't make her any more attractive. Since when does skinny = pretty? There are lots of unattractive thin girls out there...
HOWEVER: if she DOES do something or say something that pulls him away from you, that'd be HIS fault. Not yours for being heavier than her and not even HERS (bc she isn't your boyfriend, he is).
ok I might be a little off here but it seems to me you are worried and that worries me.You def. need to be able to trust him BUT that certainly doesn't mean that you have to sit by all night and not ask any questions or go where you want to go. If it were me I would go with them,she should be the one to feel weird and awkward about going. She WAS his g/f and isn't anymore for a reason. YOU are his g/f,so go out with them and have a great time! If your not invited show up later that night for a nice little visit at his place. You would get to see him and maybe calm your fears a little.I would NOT be ok with his ex staying there If it were me.
You have trust issues, thats evident from your post.
Is that really a trust issue though???
I mean, even after dating my bf for six years, I know his habits, I know all his friends, I know what floats his boat.
I also know that its not normal for him to hang out with other girls at all. He hangs out with three or four girls, all of them I trust and know pretty well myself, and we all are pretty much in relationships. And that's totally fine, he hangs out with them and they sometimes spend the night or weekend after a night of heavy drinking. No big deal.
If one day, he says "Hey Rach, I'm going out with my ex, she still wants me, we're going to go out drinking, AND shes staying with me for a few days!!"
To me, this isn't an issue of trusting HIM, and is more so an issue of trusting HER and what her underlying motives are. No need to feel awkward over that, or feel guilty... IMHO, it's natural to be a little curious.
I certainly would, and if the roles were ever reversed and BF was put in that situation, I guarantee he would be a little weirded out as well.
If it makes you feel better, in high school I weighed under 100 pounds. I was always working out and dieting. My boyfriend back then had a friend that I was sooo jealous of. She was a lot bigger than me, but I always felt like he would be happier with a girl that didn't work out and diet as much as I did. A girl that could just relax and enjoy life.
My point is, she is probably a lot more jealous of you because you have your boyfriend.
I'd be completely miserable going along - I'm sure I'd be no fun and probably make myself look less appealing by being moody. He's not just going out with the ex, though, right? you said her and a mutual friend? that's always a good thing. I don't think going out is a big deal, but if he invites her to stay at his place - WOAH. Personally I'd be very upset if my BF had an ex stay the night. Sometimes people stay friends with their exes, but overnights cross the line in my book.
Oh I'd totally go. Why should you feel awkward? This chick is coming in town to visit someone that she dated "a few years ago" and yet still wants to marry despite the fact that he's moved on and is now with better, way more awesome than she ever was, YOU!
If anyone in this situation should feel weird it should be her. Maybe you can ask her if she's seeing anyone special or if she spends every Friday night with her exes on a rotating schedule.
My boyfriends Ex.
