Okayyyy, long rant warning. Haha.

I live at home during the summer months and am away at university during the year. In February I started losing weight and got down to about 186. Now, slowly, I've gained back 2 or 3lbs and am certainly not losing and I've been trying to figure out why. There are a couple of things:
a) I'm not able to workout like a crazy person anymore because I've got night class and work so I barely break 6 or 7 hours a week (which should still be enough, really)
b) I'm eating cookies and crap that I find in the house. I have a younger brother and sister who can eat that kind of stuff and not gain weight so there's stuff like that around. I find myself reaching for an oreo or two every time I pass the bag.
c) I also tended to give myself little "extras" like an extra bit of quinoa after dinner or something like that or a little bit more than what my portion should be. Nothing substantial, but I'm sure it added up. I did this at school, but this was also when I was working at 8-10 hours a week so I could afford little things like that. It was a mental game.

So, I need to stop doing this and I'm trying to figure out why I started and then it occurred to me that a few days ago my mum asked me if I was "doing anything today" (read going to the gym) and I flipped out. My mum was the person who pointed out to me when I was 14 I was gaining weight and who bought me every diet book on the face of the planet to help me lose weight. She's always been very...involved. Anyway, I completely lost it and she didn't know why and I kinda had an epiphany that maybe I'm doing this out of spite. Like, I think "wow, if mum asks me if I'm working out today I should say no just to see what she says". Stuff like that. It's ridiculous. I'm 21 years old. I'm not doing this for her; I'm doing this for me. It just seems that I've forgotten that these last couple of weeks.

Basically, I needed to say that out loud and admit it to myself that there's definitely something going on there. Any perils of wisdom you guys might have would be greatly appreciated. I have to fix this!

You know, I totally buy that. It's mad, isn't it, how much of this whole weightloss thing is psychological? But I think this is very insightful, and quite plausible. Yes.

****, I haven't even TOLD my parents I'm losing weight. I feel like that will jinx it somehow, or like how I feel about my success or failure will get screwed up in their hopes and expectations or whatever. (I'm looking forward to seeing their faces at Christmas, though!)

And I also totally grok the whole difficulty of staying on-plan during the summer holidays - I've still got a couple of weeks before I'm on holiday, but I'm sort of dreading it. I know I'm much better at this sh*t when I've got a routine, you know? Hmm.

I think that recognising the problem is pretty darned pivotal - well done for seeing that this is what's going on. Next step, I guess, is trying to take a step away from your mother - although that's easier said than done. But you're quite right: this SHOULD still be about you, and what you want, and nothing to do with her or her expectations. So you need to try to own it again, somehow - remind yourself what your motivations are, think about how you can plan ahead for things like snack-avoidance, or making time for the gym, or just plain avoiding your mother as much as you can. Good luck!

Have you read anything by the author Geneen Roth? She is kind of anti diet but deals alot with emotional eating, mother relationships and how that affects your weight. Might be worth looking into.

I think you are realizing what the problem is and now you can fix it. Maybe you would lose weight this summer because you aren't able to get tot he gym but you can try and maintain. You know the taking extra protions and snacking on junk food so you can be concious of it and make changes.

Good luck!!!

haha I'm in the same boat and I actually live with my parents :/
idk I just feel like they'll add unnecessary criticism or pressure

Learning to act instead of react, has been a life lesson for me. Not only with my parents, and close family members, but with the world in general. Learning who I am and what I want from life, has been a surprisingly difficult challenge. I realize that sometimes I have no opinion on a subject except as a response to someone else (obviously this is normal, but it surprised me that my opinion could be contingent upon the opinion of someone I respected - or converesely did not).

I realized that identity is not a static condition, it's a developing one. And whether you have a close family or not (and whether it's supportive or toxic), family plays a huge role in who you are, but part of the natural process is separating your identity from your family role and sometimes the process is messy.

Heck, I'm 36 and my mother and I still have intense disagreements over issues that would barely cause an eyeblink if we were discussing the issue with anyone else (except maybe other close female relatives - in our family the men get off pretty easily - mainly I think because they're usually smart enough to stay out of the fracas). I was able to be completely calm and rational with suicidal and violent criminal offenders (when I was a probation officer), but put me in the same house with my mom, and I'm completely irrational within 24 hours.

I can remember my mum advising me to lose weight before I was even a teenager. I never could and always felt that she was disappointed in me. Funnily enough, now that I have made the decision (for my own reasons, not hers) to lose weight, I have made a point of telling her all about it because I know she will keep me on the straight and narrow!

I think it is very difficult to move on from those sorts of negative or, as you say, self-sabotaging feelings. Living at home can't help. Are there other people around you can talk to about this to make you feel like you're not relying on her for approval?

Thanks guys. You're definitely right. I mean... I love my mum to death and I do realize that everything she does or did was her attempt to help me and be supportive...I just think there are things that didn't exactly turn out well. I'm trying not to get to defensive with whatever she says. She asked if I've lost any weight and I said I've been on my period...lol. This just gives me some space because she won't ask me anything for a week now. Woo!

This week seems to be a little better. I went to the gym yesterday and told myself I was doing something that I didn't think I could do. I like working out and I like the results I get and achieving small goals. It's instant gratification. So before weights I usually run for a warm up and I've been running 0.5mi at 8.0mph. Yesterday I did 0.75mi and today I did it again. I like those moments when I complete something and go "holy **** I can't believe I just did that!" My eating has been better too. Calories still aren't perfect but significantly less junk - at least today. Yesterday I binged on cookies (4 of them) before work (at 6 in the morning! yuck! That's when I posted my first message).

And I think it may be worth me checking out that author. I think I'm finally buying into this whole "people with significant amounts of weight to lose have some emotional problem that goes along with that).

the summer is a hard time for me as well, any success I had losing weight was due to the fact that i was walking 3-4 miles a day to get to class and such, i dont have any of this when i am back for the summer.

also, when i am home the biggest thing for me is that i dont purchase my food for the most part any more, i used to not eat after dinner at all because i never bought food to eat after dinner.

I totally went through the same thing. My mom has been telling me to lose weight since I started gaining at about age 9. I was on a swim team and I was really good so I got tons of exercise and I was not that fat. She was a beauty contestant when she was younger so no matter what I looked like it wasn't good enough. Her favorite thing to say to me was "you would be so beautiful if you lost 10 lbs".

Anyway when I hit 16 and got my own car and job, I always ate the opposite of what she wanted me to. She would always say "you shouldn't be eating that" and I would always say "I can eat whatever I want." Or even when I hadn't planned on buying that candy bar she would see me looking in that direction and say "don't even think about it you don't need it" and I would immediately crave it and buy 2! I gained 40 lbs before college doing that stupid stuff.

But when I went away to college she wasn't there, and I wanted to lose weight so I buckled down and lost those 40 lbs. Going home in the summer I still gain 10-15 back because now my mom takes me out to eat all the time! and she always wants dessert so now its the opposite! Geez I just have to be careful and if she ever comments on my weight I immediately stop her and only care about what I think and what I want to do.

That sounds very similar to what happened to me. I would want chocolate so I'd wait until my mum wasn't around to sneak some. As soon as my parents left the house I would binge completely on whatever I could find. Even now, when I come home from school for a weekend I have to fight the urge to do that. It's a reflex. They leave, I start shoveling my face...even though when I'm away at school I can eat whatever the **** I want, whenever I want without hiding anything from anyone.

Anyway, the good news is things seem to be getting back on track. The scale's going in the right direction and I'm almost back to the weight I was a few weeks ago. Let's just hope in a years time this little setback will just be a blip on my radar.

Good to hear that things are going better for you.