Like many of you I’ve never been in a real relationship with a guy. I feel as if it sounds pathetic because I’m 23 but there is nothing I can do about it. Basically up until I was so unhappy with myself that I couldn’t even begin to be in a relationship, now that I’m more secure with myself I am getting a lot of attention. So I’m looking to you all for advice because I’m confused about a new relationship I’m in.
As I’ve been mentioning for the last few weeks there is a boy that I’ve been kindof seeing. We were hanging out all the time, now school started but we are still hanging out (although less then before) and talking on the phone daily. Anyways I have been told from all of our mutual friends that he likes me and I know they are saying the same thing to him. Here is where my problem comes he hasn’t acted on it. He hasn’t tried to kiss me he barely will touch me besides a hug when he leaves. I don’t know what to do, I’m trying to be flirty and such but it’s hard to know if your doing things right because I’m not getting much of a response.
Part of me thinks that sometimes I give off the wrong vibe because I’m nervous and unsure about everything. I considered saying something to him either about the fact that I haven’t been in a relationship before so what he might be interpreting as me not being interested is actual nerves. Or flat out asking him what is going on. But I’m so nervous about the whole thing. Any suggestions? Anyone been in a similar spot?
Well, I don't like it when shy guys expect me to do something about it. I have to admit, whenever a guy liked me in the past, if they never bothered asking me out or even tell me that they "liked" me, I wouldn't even give him extra signals to boost his confidence. There were several guys that acted this way before, but I thought, honestly, if you REALLY liked me, then you'd have the guts to say so before I go date someone else and get into a serious relationship. Yeah, I've heard about 3 guys I knew in college that lingered around me, constantly just wondering if I'd ask them out. I hate sending out signals. I don't believe that men should do the asking, but what I do believe is that if he's more interested in me than I am in him, then HE should be the one after me, not vice versa (I was never quite interested in relationships period, though). If you REALLY LIKE him, and see a GREAT relationship going, then why don't you ask him? Make sure you really want to though, not for reasons like, because you've never had a real relationship and you want to explore dating or something. I've made a huge mistake in my life with the latter explanation, and it still angers me til this day.
Last edited by veggielover; 09-04-2007 at 10:33 AM.
Maybe ask him flat out. Or you could take the initiative with him and kiss him or whatever.
But, I'm no expert.
And I am not comfortable with doing either of the above. I am currently "waiting" on a certain guy right now, but I refuse to take the initiative. I'm too insecure.
i think that if you guys are hanging out regularly, talking on the phone daily, and hugging each time you part, he likes you. Guys usually just will not put that much effort in to girls they are not interested in as a girlfriend. If I were you, i'd set up some kind of thing to hang out that gives him a little more signal that you're cool with it. like maybe a movie at your house. that way, you can sit on the couch together, maybe end up snuggling a little...if you guys drink, have a glass of wine? this will set a slightly more romantic setting and make it more obvious you want your friendship to go further. anyway, just an idea, this has worked for me in the past! keep us updated on how it goes with him!
ps. guys get nervous too, i wouldn't discount him just because he hasn't worked up the courage to "say" something yet. he's probably not sure if you want it to be more than it is, just give him the opportunity
When DF "hung out" for the first time, we spent 3+ hours in a booth at my favorite bar having a fabulous time, just talking. We even shut the bar down. I thought for sure he would make a move.
So he walks me to my car and as we are saying goodbye I say, "You know, I really like you", to which he replied "Ok. Goodnight!" and turned around and left me standing there.
He just could not comprehend that a cute girl would like him enough to just say that she liked him!
After he brought me a latte at work during a big snowstorm, I just outright said, "Can I make you dinner"? He got it.
We are getting married next year. It's amazing what you accomplish when you cut out the game playing. Also, guys get just as nervous about that stuff as girls do. And to me, that can be a good thing as it can signal a nice guy and they don't get credit nearly enough, IMO
I mean, if he's not interested, he shouldn't be giving off the signals and you have a right to not be led around. Him not being "physical" back with you does not mean he's not interested- he's probably just not reacting on the same cues you are.
Well...believe it or not...there are guys out there who have not had serious relationships....most guys (sorry guys) are out for one thing....and they make that very obvious...and things move quickly....maybe this guy is just really in this to get to know you.....and do things right....you are gettin to the age where its time to find somthing steady.....take it slow....you have all the time in the world....but dont let your guard down....this guy will eventually make the move....but you have to let guys move at there own pace.....they are big scardy cats....you dont want to scare him!!! just hang in there....everything will fall into place...but deff let him know that you are interested!!!
Thanks for all the good points everyone. I really think it is that he is just shy but it is still fustrating that everything is moving so slow. He is coming over tonight to hang out, we normally hang out at my apartment (he lives at home so sometimes we hang out at his parents house but I like being at my apartment better).
One thing that might unintentionally be working to my advantage is I started school and became very unavailable all of the sudden. When we first started hanging out I was on break from school so I was available to hang out whenever. Now all of the sudden I'm super busy with classes, work and everything else. So although I've talked to him like every day on the phone I haven't seen him in a week. I was talking to him last night and he said so when do I get to see you again in this really sweet voice. So hopefully we'll see.
Well hanging out went ok today. We were hang out in my room watching TV. My roommate was watching the same show in the living room, but you know thought hang out in my room would be a little better. Anyways we were cuddling on the bed when my roommate got appalled with the show and knocked on my door so we ended up going and watching the end with her. Well that ruined everything that had been going on because then he was like “I should go I have to get up at a quarter to six”. So he’s coming over Friday to hang out again and this time my roommate will be gone for the weekend so no interruptions.
And to explain why I was getting fusterated we've been hanging out for 2 months and he finally starting to initate something.
I was in the exact same predicament with a guy for like a year! Then I just got tired of all the mixed messages I was getting and hearing " I think he likes you" and neither of us was doing anything about it..I was lucky if I got a hug So one day I just asked him if he would like to take our relationship further....It was a huge risk but I thought he was worth it....and he was. We've been together for about four years now and are planning on getting married as soon as we have some money. I was not an outward person by any means and while I was waiting for his response (we were talking online when I asked him) I was just ready to kick my own butt for doing that! It was the longest 3 seconds of my life but it was worth it. Shy boys are frustrating before your dating them because they won't do anything but they're beautiful once you get a hold of them...and teaching them to be naughty is the funnest part Oh and don't feel bad about being 23 and never having a real relationship..I was 19 and that was my first and only relationship I've ever had with a boy.
Boys and Relationship?!?!
uh huh
So one day I just asked him if he would like to take our relationship further....It was a huge risk but I thought he was worth it....and he was. We've been together for about four years now and are planning on getting married as soon as we have some money. I was not an outward person by any means and while I was waiting for his response (we were talking online when I asked him) I was just ready to kick my own butt for doing that! It was the longest 3 seconds of my life but it was worth it. Shy boys are frustrating before your dating them because they won't do anything but they're beautiful once you get a hold of them...and teaching them to be naughty is the funnest part
Oh and don't feel bad about being 23 and never having a real relationship..I was 19 and that was my first and only relationship I've ever had with a boy.