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-   20-Somethings (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings-56/)
-   -   NEver had one :( (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings/119363-never-had-one.html)

staciec878 07-31-2007 06:06 PM

NEver had one :(
 
Im 19 and never have had a boyfriend. I have hook-ups, but never anything that serious. Ive never been able to say that im with so and so. Anytime I think something good is going to come out of it, it doesnt all they want is that late night drunken booty call. Its not my personality, I think Im pretty, I have confidence, I work, I have no idea what it could be other than my weight. BTW Im almost 20. Has anyone else gone through this??

sgregg 07-31-2007 06:14 PM

Sorry, I can't say I've never had a boyfriend. I've had several and have always been overweight. It could be the way you present yourself or maybe the place you meet guys. Maybe you just aren't looking in the right place ;)

2Fat4myJeans 07-31-2007 06:21 PM

Hi Stacie :hug: My first serious boyfriend happened when I was 20. I had gone on dates, had hookups, seemed like guys always liked me but never wanted to date me. I feel your frustration. I thought it was my weight, too (I was about 150-160 at the time) so I struggled and tried so hard to lose weight the wrong way. It seemed like everyone around me had a boyfriend, even my man-hating roommate!!!

Oftentimes (and I HATED when my mom told me this when I was your age), it was honestly just that I had not met the right person. Good grief, I remember I thinking that I didn't even want to meet my husband, just that I wanted to have a boyfriend! I guess what I'm saying is, you seem to have so much confidence in yourself already which was something that I really lacked! Keep working on that and working on developing into a beautiful, well-rounded, confident young women. Guys are BOUND to notice, and the older you get, the more mature the guys become, too.

What I also found is that the type of guy that would appreciate me was not one that I was going to meet at a bar or a drunken frat party - if you start doing hobbies or activities that would draw in the the type of guy that you want, there's a good chance you will meet someone at those events. Like Habitat for Humanity or some other volunteer-type thing. I met this HOT HOT HOT guy while I was volunteering at a shelter for needy families. Unfortunately he lived in a different state and was just visiting family for the summer, but we dated for that summer.

Hang in there... :hug:

glitterlicious 07-31-2007 07:33 PM

I'm almost 21...and still have never had a boyfriend. I've never been on a date or anything really. I'm pathetic.

The only guys that like me are very, very strange and sketchy, and I refuse to lower my standards just to have someone.

I've only made out on 2 different occasions with 2 different guys. Both all that I know about them is their first name, and both involved alcohol. So they don't really count. No one seems interested in me.

I don't know what's wrong with me...I don't think I'm too bad looking. The only thing I can think of is my weight, my height, and the fact that although I'm fairly confident I can get shy around guys.

I see all these girls with boyfriends act all *****y to them and take advantage of the fact that they are lucky enough to have a bf. If I had a bf I would make sure they were the happiest person ever.

I know losing weight won't fix this problem completely but I'm hoping it will help.

Every year that goes by that I don't have a bf I feel more and more like a loser. I don't want to be single anymore. I hate it.

staciec878 07-31-2007 07:43 PM

Glitter
I know exactly how you feel. And Im sorry you feel like that!!!

Anne1387 07-31-2007 08:42 PM

I agree with a lot that has been said here already.
But what it comes down too - is that if losing weight is going to make you more comfortable around guys, and more confident that they will notice you - then it probably will make a difference in your dating life.
The type of guy you probably want as a boyfriend isn't going to be the type of guy who cares how much you weigh. So its true that you aren't going to find boyfriend material in the guys who are looking for a quick hookup in a bar or at a frat party.
The biggest thing - mroe important than if you're fat or skinny, is being comfortable in your body and in your clothes. A lot of the guys I know tell me they don't notice if a girl is really skinny or heavy, as long as she seems comfortable in her clothes and her surroundings, then they can focus more on her personality and getting to know her.
You'll find someone. :-) Keep looking, keep getting out there and experiencing new things and developing hobbies. The more people you meet, the more chance you have of finding someone you can be happy with. Good luck!


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vealcalf2000 07-31-2007 10:29 PM

Please don't stress! I know everyone thinks that once you hit your teens-20's that you're supposed to have "x" number of boyfriends but I just don't agree. I was a late bloomer. I have to admit I lost a bunch of weight so as I hit my mid 20's I was full of confidence and suddenly guys started noticing. Isn't that funny--I honestly don't think it was my weight that was keeping guys away because even at my lowest weight 185 I wasn't exactly a skinny minnie I think it was my lack of self confidence.

Oh well, enjoy life don't stress and things will happen in all good time!

santamonica 08-01-2007 12:03 AM

*raises hand*

20 years old
No boyfriend ever
No girlfriend ever (thought I'd throw that out there lol)
Made out with two guys...that's it.

So yes, I've gone through the same thing.

MissKa 08-01-2007 07:36 AM

Don't worry, you're not the only one... I'm 24 and a half and I've never had a boyfriend. Ever. Was never even close to getting one.

I don't really know if it's my weight, my face or just my personality. :?: Ok, once my classmate asked me out and I laughed... I was sure he was joking. :shrug:

Another reason might be, that I don't really notice people. I'd like to think I'm invisible, as I imagine people think I'm bad looking. On the other hand I don't always think I'm not pretty, but.. it's just the way it is and I'm rambling. I just wanted to let you know you're not the only one who hasn't had a bg and I know how it feels.

WinterStarzz 08-01-2007 10:08 AM

My first date was when I was 18, so I hear ya. Before that I was never close. I always thought I was the only one who had to wait that long before anyone even showed a little bit of interest. Even though he turned out to be a real a-hole.

SavingServo 08-01-2007 12:14 PM

It's weird/sexist/annoying how society makes a boyfriend a "satus symbol" as if girls and women can't decided on their own that they're loveable, they need some guy (or girl) to prove it to the world. "Look I'm not a hideous monster, this guy likes me!" Your self-worth shouldn't in any way be related to the fact that all the guys you've ever met are undateable.

denialisnthappiness 08-01-2007 03:24 PM

I really wouldn't worry - had my first bf at 23. Funny that I was so eager to have one but once you 'have' one ... well let's just say he wasn't the best person lol

I REALLY wouldn't stress over it. I'm single and have been since the ex. If/when it happens it will. Meanwhile I'm too busy focusing on me to really worry that much :)

sgregg 08-01-2007 03:52 PM

And I believe that's exactly what you HAVE to do...focus on yourself. Get your mind off of a boyfriend or whoever and focus only on what makes you happy...heck, get set in your ways...someone will sneak up on you and take you away!

lalique 08-02-2007 09:56 PM

I was going to start a post on this a while back, but I thought I'd be the only one posting in it!

Well I'm glad to know I'm not the only one!! lol

I'm 20 (gonna be 21 in October).
Never had a boyfriend (never even close to it!)
Never even made out with a guy.
My first and only "kiss" was when I was like 7 and a friend dared me to kiss the neighbor boy (and I wasn't really fat back then..)

I've had a SERIOUS crush on a guy for almost 2 1/2 years now. We see each other faily often because we share mutual friends, and we both work in emergency services (I'm on the ambulance, and he's on the fire dept. and ambulance). But I've never had the guts to let him know how I feel. I'm sure he probably has some idea though, because I sure don't hide it very well when he's around. (I clam up and turn red..the whole bit).

I'm really trying to lose as much as I can by October 27th because thats our fireman's ball, and I'd kinda like to make an impression on him.. Because they are going to "Auction off" the firefighters as a fundraiser, (you don't get to keep them, just dance with them). So I'm trying to work up the nerve to "buy" him for a dance... But I really wanna lose some weight before then, so I don't feel so embarrassed/ashamed of myself...

JasonsLea 08-02-2007 09:57 PM

Well I just turned 21 last sunday and I've never had a boyfriend, a date or anything! I've tried 'hooking up' a few times (twice actually) but I just feel cheap and just gave up on that. How can I enjoy it if I feel like crap? It's just not who I am. That's why I'm just focusing on me now.


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