I'm afraid to lose weight. Well sort of. I've never been treated nicely because of my weight. People yelling out of cars, constant criticism and interference by my parents, my younger sister is anorexic probably because she didn't want to be treated like me, and the list goes on, and I want to lose weight for my health but I'm a little scared...

what if my parents like me more?
what if I'm finally beautiful?
what if my female friends see me as a threat?
what if my boyfriend doesn't like it?
what if my best friend is no longer the hot one and she freaks out?
what if I start being treated completely and totally differently just because I lost weight

at least people that love you and are there for you are true friends when you're overweight...

its safer to be heavy...cept for that whole bad for your health thing


how do i get over this?

Change is always a scary thing, even if its a good thing. But if they're your true friends and they truly love you, they will still like you and be happy for you. Friendship that hinges on looks is not true friendship. Dropping someone as a friend because they lost weight and look great is just as bad as dropping a previously thin friend because she just put on a lot of weight and doesn't look as good. And if you're worried about your bf, you should talk to him about it. If he's specifically going out with you because he's that into heavy girls, I can see your concern. But if you're doing it for your health and he truly loves you, he should be supportive. It also sounds like you're afraid to succeed, that you fear haters and people being jealous of you. Yeah, those people are real mood killers and can be a real pain when you're not used to dealing with them. But you can't let them take over your life. Its your life, and you can't spend it worrying solely about what everyone else thinks. Sometimes you have to do things for you and ignore everyone else. Yes, outsiders will treat you differently, but that's not always a bad thing. Your friends may treat you a little differently, but if they're your true friends, they shouldn't treat you that differently. Your bf too. Families can be weird. But hey, the good news is if you do decide to try out the whole weight loss thing and you don't like the way things are, it is infinitely easier to put it back on. But hopefully it won't be like that. At any rate, at least for your health, I hope you decide to go for it. *hugs*

I totally understand you, MeSoKorny. I was so afraid before. I was so scared that I will change for the worse.

However, I just told myself to get over what I'm feeling. I'll just have to cross the bridge when I get there.

I don't know how to deal with it because I have the same worries. I guess I figure if people reject me after I lose weight, it's going to be because of me as a person. The idea of not having the fat to hide behind scares me.

No one will reject you if you lose weight, and that's one of the silliest fears you can have. If you have any friends who don't treat you the same because you lost weight, then they're obviously jealous and have issues of their own to resolve.

I'm sure your boyfriend will like you just as much thinner as he does now, if he really loves you. Besides, he'll probably be proud of you. I know some s/o's take awhile to be supportive (mine did, because she didn't think I needed to lose weight), but once they see that you're happy and making progress, it's all good, no?

Lastly, being beautiful can give you power if you know how to own it. Some would say that if you're pretty, you can rule the world - I agree and disagree, and also believe beauty is all relative anyway, but that's another story. Back to the point - yes, people WILL start treating you differently. Usually, with weight loss comes confidence and new clothes... there's a good chance that YOU will start treating yourself differently!

I don't think you should look at this as an opportunity to be frightened, or you may never lose the weight; see it as something that will change your life in only the best ways possible. I've never met someone who wanted to lose weight, lost it, and said, "This was the biggest mistake I've ever made."

Why do you think that is?

You'd think the decision to lose weight would be simple...but I agree, it can be a scary step. Permanent weight loss is an entire lifestyle change, and the results can really change your life and the way the others perceive you.

My advice is to really think this over before you get started. If you go into this with your fears unresolved, you will not find sucess. When willpower wears off and temptation lies in, you will give into temptation simply because you are so comfortable with being the old you. Without even being aware of it, your fears could sabotage your efforts.

How do I know? I've been there before.

What I recommend is to sit down and make a list of reasons why you want to lose weight, and a list of reasons you don't want to lose weight and look them over closely. For the reasons you don't want to lose weight, really think about whether your fears are founded or unfounded and try to think of ways to resolve your fears.

Also, I notice that all your fears have to do with other people in your life and how they will perceive you if you lose weight. If people love and respect you, they should be there for you whether you are 130 pounds or 500 pounds. So...talk it over with them. Ask the most important people in your life how they feel. You'll probably be surprised and find out they are very supportive...and could even be a source of support during your journey.

I hope this helps...good luck! This is a difficult part of the weight loss process but you can do it!

thanks everyone ...I'll see what I can do, at least there's a little more hope

MeSoKorny--what you're worrying about isn't coming out of left field. I figured out sometime last year that I wasn't losing weight because I was sabotaging myself! It wasn't until then that I realized that not being a "fat girl" anymore might mean I get treated differently.

I'll tell you that my boyfriend is thrilled with the change--not only because I really do look better, but because I FEEL better. When I feel good, I'm confident and when I'm confident, I'm sexy Every man loves a confident, sexy woman.

The only person who's had a strange reaction to my weight loss was my sister. For the first time in our lives, I'm wearing the same size pants as she does--and I look damn good in them! I think she feels a little threatened that she's no longer the "thin" sister... She really freaked out when I borrowed a pair of her shorts on a hot day this summer--I don't own shorts because as a "fat girl", I was always too afraid to wear them. I was kind of weirded out that it bugged her so much--but when I thought about it, and talked to my mom about it, I figured out what the problem was...

So, I wouldn't say that NO ONE in your life will react strangely...but most of them will be SO happy for you and proud of you. And those who do act weird (like my sister) really just have their own issues and it has nothing to do with you.

*Hug* You can overcome your fears and do it, hon. Being healthy and happy is NOT scary--it's wonderful

--Kim

To some degree or another, all of the above happened to me.

-my relationship with my parents improved
-I lost all of my guy friends because suddenly their girlfriends were threatened by me
-The hot girl that was inside was finally unleashed (and the attitude to come with it!)
-people treated me very differently after I lost weight.

Now, I am starting to realize that I can't blame all of those things just on not being fat anymore. I changed- for the better. I learned to accept responsibility for things rather than blame my weight, for example. I gained a sense of independence and grew from this entire experience and I am more secure and comfortable, which directly affects my relationships.

It was hard to handle that people treated me so differently as a person of a normal weight (I still can't refer to myself as "thin") and it really left me quite peeved for a while.

But I have to disagree with you that people are there for you and love you and are your "true" friends when you are overweight. Just like when someone surrounds themselves with good looking people to make themselves feel better about themselves, plenty of people surround themselves with overweight people to make themselves feel better. When I wasn't just there to make someone else feel better, all of my relationships improved- and I also cut the fat, so to speak.

Edit: and I wouldn't change any of these experiences for anything. I am happy with who I am because this is something I did for me. I made this person and I kinda like her