(One of) My doctors keeps going on about me needing to lose weight and how that will make me feel better about my body, ect, ect.
Meanwhile, I am in effing therapy for issues about body loathing and eating disordered behaviours. My therapist asked me if she could call him up to talk to him about this. But I said no because I don't want him to know about my ED&BDD (for reasons that are complicated and final!). I want/need to keep those two parts of my life seperate.
But why, oh why can I never be "thin enough" for him? AND he also asked me if I was planning on getting more plastic surgeries and I said "no, why? what do you think is wrong with me?" to which his reply was "oh, oh, nothing."
I mean, I know that I would like to lose a few more pounds, but it pisses me off that if my body won't budge for some reason and I am stuck where I am at that I just simply won't be thin enough.
Also, I fear that should I be able to (here's hoping) lose 5-15 more pounds that he will STILL say that I need to lose a bit more.
I mean, you can see my abs, you can see my pelvic bones jutting out....... what in the **** else does he want from me..............?
I feel like giving him a slap. It is just his whole demeanour as well.
And then, I sent him an email asking a follow up question about a treatment that he is advising me to undergo (and that I need so I can't just not get it) and he totally blew me off.
I can't just not go to him anymore; because my parents think that he is so great and that he is the best doctor for these treatments (and he does business with my dad as well). So, because I don't want to cause my dad to lose business and because my parents will just tell me that I am reading to much into what he is saying and that I am just annoying him with my email and that is why he sends me a 3 word blow-off answer to a very important question about my healthcare, and because he probably is the best at what he does (where I am located at least) and because I need the healthcare that he is providing I can't leave him.
So I am stuck with him and his frickin' comments about my weight and total lack of helpfullness.


