Okay.. so I'm a moron! The mind is a very powerful thing!!!

I have gotten used to my weight.. it's grown on me - excuse the pun! I look in the mirror and yeah, sure I'm fat.. but not as fat as... (fill in the blank). Then I look at pictures of myself!! Seriously, I weigh atleast 60-75 lbs more then I think/feel that I look.

Is this really weird or what? In pictures I don't even know it's me - it's my much fatter sister - no.. THAT'S ME! Holy *&%!!!

Sorry for the rant - but why did - and still does - my brain play tricks like that?
Can I be in THAT much denial?!!!

Dana

The short answer - yes.

I know I certainly was. I don't know what it is you just get so comfortable in your own skin, you don't even realize what's happening. That was certainly the case with me.

I remember walking in the mall and passing a darkened glass front of a store and seeing myself in the reflection and I was so unbelivably wide. I'm like this has to be some kind of mistake, there was no mistake, I WAS that unbelievably wide. And then I always wondered why I looked so much heavier in pictures then in real life. I would even look at pictures of my kids and wonder why they didn't look so much heavier in the pictures. How twisted is that?

Anyway you are definitely not a moron. The mind is indeed a very "funny" thing.

I feel ya on this. Every time I see myself, I can't believe that is me. I know that I am big, but I still feel only about as big as I was at 200-215lbs, so I am shocked every time that I see myself. Crazy how our minds can be in such denial isn't it?

I definitely was. Especially the first time I saw a picture of myself after I gained about 100 pounds in less than a year -- I was SHOCKED! And then I was still in denial about how big I actually was. I couldn't fit in my bathtub (and BARELY lift myself out of it) - and my mom's (or sister's) car back seat belt wouldn't fit me. But I always said, "I'm not THAT big." I always looked for someone that looked bigger to me -- so I could irrationally think, "well I'm not as big as they are!"

But now I have the opposite problem -- I look in mirrors and think "I have to be bigger than what the mirror is showing me." And I know that the mirrors in dressing rooms are skinny mirrors. I hate that.

I definitely feel the same way!

Although, this time around of gaining all my weight back...I'm noticing that I do feel fatter and more sore..more aware of how much better I felt a year ago.


Linda

I think part of the reason that I was shocked at seeing pictures of myself is that I stopped REALLY looking in mirrors! I would look at how my hair looked or how my mouth looked with a new shade of lipstick, but I think that I really IGNORED the rest of my body.

There would be situations when I would think, "Wow! They really ARE making these bathroom stalls a lot smaller!" or "These stores are putting the racks SO much closer to one another than they USED to!" Sitting in our son's Neon "suddenly" became a tight fit for the seatbelt, too. There WERE signs, but as you said, I was ignoring them.

My "Ah-Ha" moment, though was seeing pictures of myself. The mirrors never showed me my fat self as accurately as the pictures. I think it is very easy to be in mirror denial!

Cheryl

Cheryl,
I couldn't have worded it better...
I REALLY identify with this!

Linda

Well I sure was. I remember catching a glimpse of a very obese woman in a store window. I felt sorry for her for a few seconds, and then I realized it was my reflection!! Somehow I didn't see myself as being that large. I just couldn't see myself like that. I always knew I needed to lose a few pounds, but I couldn't see how many. I constantly did the "I know I'm fat, but I'm not as fat as ____________". Looking back, I was probably much fatter than almost anybody I compared myself to.

I didn't recognize myself in pictures. Somehow I had an image in my mind of when I was much smaller, and I thought I still looked like that.

That's why I sometimes feel fatter now than I did when I weighed 125 lbs more. Now I'm at least dealing in reality, then I truly wasn't.

Now to get a true image of myself, I get my DH to take a digital photo. It helps me see what I really look like. The same thing at home - I can't see the clutter I've gotten used to on the kitchen counters, but I see it in a photo so much easier.

I agree with everyone here! Forever I've felt like there is this thin person inside me and that is what my mind's eye sees. I feel thin and feel like i'm looking good and then encounter a mirror or a photo and realize I'm way off base. Photos especially....I've come to avoid having them taken unless i'm hiding behind a solid object or in the back of a group of pictures. It was funny the last time I lost weight I hadn't been trying to lose weight...I had been away overseas alpine hiking for 4 months...I lost 45 pounds and never even noticed ...until I came home and realized that nothing in my closet fit me....it fit 2 of me. I guess I've always just seen myself as thin which has been very deciving.

This time is different though...I started at the heaviest weight I've ever been and for the first time I could feel it...and finally could see it...even without the mirror. Every time I do anything I make a point to remind myself that I'm not thin but will be with lots of work....and yes those size 18-20s are huge not average, thats helping retrain my minds eye a little.

I struggle with this in a very different way now. At 260lbs, looking at the scale I REMEMBER thinking "there is NO WAy I am THAT heavy". Like scales lie. Now, I see pics and I look bETTER in them than I think I do in real life (mostly cuz most of my weight is in my arse). I just told DH (who is considerably Over weight himself) that I didn't want to try out Ice skating until I wasn't so fat .....His response *insert playful swat* You are NOT fat. Yeah, THAT helps. I identify with his overwelming denial of his own body image. I think it helps keep mine in perspective (That and the 50 lbs I mysteriously gained over 5 years) I take unflattering pics of him on purpose and often ( I know mean but talking isn't working)...He opens his eyes for a week or so then he's right back where we started. He also avoids the scale.

That's me! I thought I was the only one. I don't know when, if ever, I'll ever be able to see myself as I actually am. But if I ever make it to that point I'm sure I'll be so old that wrinkles will me of greater concern to me!

That's me most days. My extra 60-75 lbs shows up in gym mirror reflections as well as photos...

I have definitely had the whole reflection in a store window - shocked that it's me situation happen - more than once.

I think it is the same problem as when I look in the mirror & see wrinkles starting around my eyes. I just don't FEEL different than I did when I was 18 & when I'm not looking I don't FEEL different than I did when I was slim.

Along the same line I sometimes get myself caught into spaces I think I can fit because I forget how big my caboose is!

I had that same "Oh My God" moment when I saw a reflection of my profile at the mall today. I was mortified by what I saw. I knew I was big.... but that big???? At first I didn't even realize that it was my reflection I was seeing.

Now that I've had a glimpse of what I really look like.... I feel like I'm bulging out of my own skin.

I agree with everything here - for years I thought I really wasn't that fat, it was just the odd lighting, bad photos; I never had a complex about my weight, but ya know what..at 244lbs I really was fat. Now I'm at the smallest I've ever been and I think I'm big....bigger than what I ever was. weird. I guess it'll just take time to get used to.