Mom said the wrong thing
 

This has been bugging me for a couple of weeks and it might help me to voice it here.
I recently took a trip back to my home town. I was very excitied to show off my 49 pound weight loss. The only thing my mother had to say was "are you going to lose another 50 pounds" Boy what a let down! gosh darn it I wanted her to celebrate on what I have done, not focus on what I have left to do. I was hurt and disappointed. Maybe I just won't let her know my progress anymore.
I need to let this go.

Wow, no one knows how to say exactly the wrong thing like a parent, eh? Since I don't know you or your mom I'm talking out my @** here, but... I would spin it this way... maybe she wanted to let you know that she was happy for you and is expecting that you'll keep doing really well and that you'll soon get to where you want to be. She just didn't phrase it very well, did she?

I'm sorry that she hurt your feelings, and I know there's not much any of us can do to help with that, but... :hug: I have a tongue tripping mama too...

-Lala

PS: OH! and congratulations on the 49 pound loss!! I can't wait to join ya!

"tongue tripping mama" I love it!!! My mothers mouth is always getting her into touble. IMHO

Maybe it was just a severely left handed compliment! My mother is the same way...seems the older they get, the more they don't think before they speak. Don't let it get you down! 49 pounds is amazing!

Sorry your mom disappointed you ~ hang in there. 49 pounds is awesome ~ keep up the good work.

My mom is round like me and does a pretty good job of cheering me on about my weight loss, but in another area she disappointed me. I reached menopause, and was over joyed not to have to deal with TOM anymore. I shared that with my mom and she almost argued with me saying that it wasn't possible for me to be there yet, because I hadn't yet reached the age she was when she got there. I was just so surprised ~ I thought she'd be glad for me. But is was like ~ heaven forbid that I should miss out on a few more years of suffering through that. You just never know.......

My mom said something last December that just plain made me mad! She said "What I don't like about Atkins is that everyone I've ever known whose done it has gained back all the weight they lost and then some".

Well it made me angry. Because my sister and I who were both in the car have BOTH done Atkins and neither one of us has gained "it ALL back" much less "and then some". But it made me mad enough that I came home to "show her" and wound up losing almost all of the part I had "gained back".

Sometimes the stupid things people say can discourage us and sometimes they can make us mad enough to get really motivated. Use it. Whatever she said USE it to your advantage and SHOW HER.

Could your mom be jealous of your progress? By you succeeding in losing 49 pounds may have just brought her failures to the forefront. Who knows. It was a tacky of her to say it regardless of why and she probably should've apologized for the way it came out.

I'm wondering the link here with unsupportive tongue tripping mothers and overweight daughters. I am kinda dreading going home in June.........I feel fantastic, have lost over 60lbs, but am convinced mother's eagle eyes are going to go straight to my stomach and thighs, and I'll get that disapproving tut and a nice comment like "well you still have a long way to go".

Just as well you have us to encourage you and tell you how fabulous you are!!!! Imagine all those people losing weight who don't have this sort of support.

Glynne: when I was 13 I was in a supermarket with mum, we got to the car and I told her I felt ill, she said she did too, and we were trying to think what we had eaten that had upset us. Well, we got home, and yes, my first every period had arrived.........and mum had period pain too. She put her arm around me and said "welcome to the curse" :rolleyes: When the doctor told me I might be going through early menopause at 29 :rolleyes: (I wasn't) mum was very annoyed!! She couldn't see why I should be spared another 25 years of pain and misery!!!

I understand...
Last weekend I had one on my hubbys xlarge t-shirts on...
She knew I had an 3 x just like it...
When I told her that it was my hubbys shirt and it was an xlarge she said.. Well it must me made big because I can not even wear an xlarge...
My mother in law is over weight also...
I never said a word to her but it made me want to diet more....

By the way I to think the shirt is made big.. But it was the way she said it!

I think she is jealous. My MIL is like that and she is big as well. She joined LAWL (but doesn't exercise) and complains about how it isn't coming off and yet complaining that I am too skinny (HAHAHAHA what???? there is a first, someone called me skinny) unfortunately she meant that in a negative way and could tell by the "tone". She also bought me a 2x shirt saying it was too large for her. Now wait a minute! If you are double my size, how would that fit me? :?:

Just ignore it and smile and be proud of yourself for all you have accomplished!! I am getting good at the ignoring parts :hug: :D

Ahh, mothers, it just seems you can never win can you. I remember years ago, when I had lost a lot of weight on Jenny Craig (first time around) and I was close to my goal weight, my mother made the following comment:

"You are too skinny, you look ill". Keep in mind I was about 10 pounds from my heathly weight. That was a shot in the heart.

Now, when she asks me about my progress (she lives with me) so hard to pretend nothing is going on, and I say I lost 1.5 lbs, she responds, "That's it?"

Sometimes you feel like :frypan:.

I love that smily Carol ~ where did you find that one? That one fits with how I feel about my DH sometimes. Maybe it is a good thing I can't find it. I can only get the ones that are beside this thing ~ when I try to see more, my computer locks up on me. :(

I am sorry your feelings were hurt Joyce. You are doing an AWESOME JOB!! I had an Aunt Edna who would always make comments about my weight all my life but since she was fatter than me I would blow her off.

I know it hurts but you are right you need to let it go. I am not sure how old she is but I know with my mom she says things she thinks are compliments and sometimes they get lost in translation. (Could she of possibly meant you if you lose 50 more you will be too skinny or something like that?? I know my parent used to say stuff to my sister like that a lot.)

Anyway keep up the good work!!! You are doing GREAT!!!! :bravo:

Sometimes moms forget that the kid just wants/needs a "way-t'-go!!!" instead of a critique. Sort of like when the kid brings home a test with a 99 on it and mom's first response is, "So, what did you miss?"

Most of the time, it's just mom being thick.

I'm trying my hardest to be the "Attaboy" mom with my teen, but I slip every now and then~! Oops!

I'm hoping, Joyce, it was just your mom's time to be thick!

And "Way-t'-go!" on your 49!!! Brava, m'dear!

Gayle...my heart is with you...my Momma slips up now and then too ;)

If you love that smily...you can just type it like this: :frypan:

.....OOPS when I type it..it shows the smily of course...:lol:
OK so I'll leave spaces and see if that works..when you type it..just take the spaces out : frypan :

All my love and hugs...49 pounds is super fantastic...I was almost there when 25 pounds made their way back to my butt. :mad:

:hug:
:cheer:
Linda

:frypan: that works? HEY that's cool!

YAY! I'm glad it worked for you :)

You can do that with any of the smilies in the list...just jot down the word inside the colon's and type it in there!

xoxo
Linda

Thanks for all the kinds words. You guys are teriffic. My mother could learn a few things from all of you. Mom is mom, my three sisters and I agree she is not happy unless she is unhappy or complaining about something. I have just learned to take/love as she it. I don't think she realized what she said was hurtfull to me. I try very hard with my three grown children not to me like my mother. Mom is soon to be 70 and I am 50 yet she can still make me feel like I am 8 years old again. If she is jealous of something, I don't know what it would be, it is not her weight. She is just the right size and looks great in anything she wears.
DH retired a couple of years ago and we are thinking of moving west. I don't think I could live in the same town as my mother. She would drive me crazy. But I would love to be around my sisters and all the neices, nephews and the greats.

I think everyone has someone in their life that is like this. My MIL once unpacked some of my boxes (that were stored in her shed) holding clothes I hope to one day wear again & then started wearing them herself! When I called her on it she said: "You'll never be small to wear this again." Totally unaware that it was like she had punched me in the gut!

Great work on 49lbs!!! That's so super!

I feel sort of bad now for feeling growly about my mom's reaction to the menopause thing. I love mom and talk to her everyday. She has given me endless hours of listening to me (she's my shrink ~ LOL). Maybe she was having a bad day, or maybe I was and maybe she didn't mean it like how I took it. :?:

Ooooooooo... that would make me really upset too! :mad: Not only insulting you but wearing your clothes like those boxes were just an extension of her closet? Grrrrr!

But I guess you could use it as an incentive to get those clothes back where they belong ;)

Or... bury her behind the shed. :devil:

To wear your clothes with out askng is out right mean. I can believe my mother didn't mean to hurt me by what she said. Your MIL knew what she was doing. I am sorry.

blah, that was an icchy thing for her to say to you.... awesome job on the 49 lb weight loss!!!!!

Relatives can be the worse for encouragement. The one that gets me is watch out and don't gain it back. Now come on is anyone's intention to set out and gain weight. Like that really needs to be said. Sorry you had to deal with these kind of comments but just chalk it up to her not thinking and go on. That's what I do most of the time. It can be hard with some comments but people really don't mean to be that way.

I am very appreciative that my parents are very supportive of my efforts and that they are encouraging me with the optifast route... i know that I don't have to worry about any of those things from my parents... now my grandma or my "friends"... maybe.
The only response to those people who say the "wrong" thing is: "I'm sorry that you have a problem with my weight loss. I feel great and I am doing what is right for me; and I don't need negative comments from you or anyone."
Of course, I may not be that nice depending on who says it... I don't care how close I am to the person who says the wrong thing, I wouldn't be able to let it go until I told 'em where to stick it....
I guess I'm just tired of being berated and put down... I've become somewhat fiesty over the last few years and don't have much tolerance for negativity directed toward me and my goals.

OUCH! :( Wow...that's pretty bad. I am so sorry that happened to you! I struggle sometimes with how some people's minds work. How was any of that ok to her?? :?:

:lol3: Sarah, that was AWESOME! (Lovely name, by the way! ;) ) Now THAT is a healthy response to an unhealthy situation. :yes:

Yeah, my MIL is a little bit ... eccentric - is the nicest way I can say it. She's really quite clueless at how her comments effect people. I need to learn to take with a grain a salt but some times are harder than others.

Thanks though - it's good to know that I'm not the only one who thought it was out of bounds!

Another comment that I really hate is....
Watch Out make sure you are not losing weight for the wrong reasons...
If you are losing weight and its going good...
SO !
My weight loss has been for many different reasons
It really depends what mood I am in...
But when I first started it was because of an
1 airplane seat...
2 hubbys class reunion in Sept.
3 I will have a senior next year ( lots of senior night PICTURES PICTURS PICTURES)
4 Not a thing cute to wear..

The more I lose the more I am doing it for my health.
I love the way I feel now..
I can get around so much better..That's with only close to 40 lbs gone..
I cant wait till the next 40 goes...

Sorry that your feelings were hurt. You are doing great. My boyfriend's step mother is wonderful at squashing my feelings at every opportunity. I tend to be a yo-yo dieter, losing and gaining all the time. When I recently told her I had lost 60 lbs she said THIS TIME? I hate that she feels like she must point out my shortcommings, I know what my shortcommings are, because THEY'RE MINE. Sorry...didn't mean to vent also. OOPS. I'm sure she will come around and see the awesome job you are doing.

49 pounds is such an accomplishment! Be proud. Forget about anything people have to say. (Easier said than done, I know). It all comes down to how YOU feel about it.

Good job! Don't let anything stop you.

I'm lucky, so I thought I'd share the wealth. This to all of you, from my mom:

"My god, you just look stunning. How much have you lost now? Seriously, I am so proud of you. It's amazing to have a daughter so beautiful - inside and out. I am so proud of you. I know it's hard and you've really stuck to it. *kiss* It's good to be your mommie."

Now, don't you laugh. You keep repeating that because you deserve it. Your mommas are trying to say it, they're just bad at.

Wow. Wowowow. Will she be MY mommie?? :^: Please?

And how sweet are you to share it and then close with such a tender and generous offering? :hug: She's a special mom, and she raised a special girl. :goodvibes

Thanks I needed to hear that from my mom.

Well reality is Moms are human and sometimes they say the wrong things... and have a hard time forgetting that we are all grown up now. :) Your Mom probably meant well and was just wanting you to be healthy.

After reading all these comments, I will go way out on a limb here and say what I am thinking as I read... appreciate your Mom and love her all you can while you have the opportunity. My Mom died last fall at the age of 89 and I consider myself very blessed to have gotten to keep her for 58 wonderful years. I'm sure I said a few hurtful things to her along the way, too, but I am thankful that she knew how much I loved her, and vice versa. Soooooo... take the opportunities while you have them and be willing to let a lot "roll right on off" and appreciate her! Someday you will be very glad you did. So go give her a hug is my advice!!

That's my 2 cents worth. :)

Hi Michelle... so glad it helped!!! :)

My mom always manages to say the wrong thing about every time I talk to her. Not about weight, she knows better than to even approach that subject but about other things. We were talking about new cars and I happened to mention that I like a certain type of car and she said 'you like that?' like my taste is just a smidge above a snake's belly. Frankly it just rolls off my back now. I love my mom no matter what she says, not that I am always happy about it but she is the way she is and most of the time she can have nice conversations with me without pushing my buttons. Someday she'll be gone and I won't remember these things she said to me, I'll remember the good things she said and did, that's what counts.

Hi! I havent posted much since I joined but wanted to say WAY TO GO on the 49 lbs! GREAT Job!
My mom was the same way. She spent the first 20 years of my life telling how fat I was! lol What I wouldnt give to be that skinny again. Smiles. 10 lbs overweight is nothing, compared to now.
As mom got older, she still had her say but as she said, she no longer cared what others thought of what she said or did, She was to old to care. lol. Good ole mom.
Jean

Jean, I had to comment on something you said. I remember being 11 years old and my mom saying that I had to go on a diet, I was probably like 20 lbs overweight at the time. Same when I was 15 or 16 she told me to go to the dr and ask him to put me on a diet, the dr asked me if I wanted to lose weight and I said no because I was fine with my weight. He said that there was no point in giving me a diet to follow if it was mom that wanted me to lose weight. I was never that overweight while I was living with my mom yet she made me feel as if I was grossly fat yet kept feeding me food that would keep me overweight. Her idea of a diet is eating low cal foods and eating the same thing all the time.