Hi everyone.

I'm struggling right now, because I'm lacking the will power to fight this stupid fight over and over.

I know that part of my problem is that I've never been thin. I think the last time I weighed the "normal" amount was when I was a toddler. I was one of the first real obese kids problem children. I was wearing 6x clothes at 4 years old (the kid's size, not the adult size. Hee!). I weighed 121 lbs in second grade. I was 232 in 8th grade.

I've never been thin. I don't know who that thin person is- if she's even in me. You know the old joke "There's a thin person inside me trying to get out?" Yeah....I don't know if she's there. I've been overweight for so long, it's just me. I don't have skinny pictures of myself to motivate me.

I don't know how it feels to be normal, to be thin. I don't *know* if it is really worth all the effort and will power and backbone. I'm tired of fighting it.

I have good reasons to lose weight- I do't want to be diabetic, or to have a stroke. But that kind of resolve doesn't last until dinner time most days!!

How to get over this? I would love to spend one week as a thin person to know that it would all be worth it, to really do the work. The Medifast ad at the top of the page is so tempting- it's a good thing I ca't afford $400 a mont for food.

Is anyone else in the same boat? How do you conquer this feeling?

Instead of wishing for thin, how about just healthier? I, like you, have never been "thin" or at the weight I want to be at. I was almost to my goal in 2001, and I kick myself everyday for not sticking with it and gaining back 120+ pounds. Remembering how good I felt physically and how much better I felt about how I looked even though I wasn't what I would define as thin makes me want to be back there again and make the positive changes necessary to never come back to this weight again. It is worth it. You're worth it! We're ALL worth the struggle!

I do want to be healthier. It's the only real motivation I've had losing this weight. That's what I'm saying- I wish I had more motivation, and I was wondering what other people did who've never been thin/had that visual pay off.

Well, I was never thin. I weighed 217 at the age of 12. I am the thinnest I have ever been. The last time I saw this weight was the age of 10 1/2. The visual pay-off you get is seeing a slimmer you emerge gradually. You end up looking in the mirror more often and really feeling good about what you see.........your accomplishment.

Hi,

I hardly ever post, but I felt I had to reply. We started at right about the same weight and I have the same history. I can't remember ever being less than 286 because I've been that weight or higher since I graduated high school 13 years ago.

What I want to tell you is - DON'T give up. I wouldn't have believed how excited I get by feeling my bones! I actually have them under all the fat. And, that's just getting to 270! I am so looking forward to the day when I am at goal and have many more new bones to admire.

I understand where you are at - I was there just three months ago. But, it will be worth it. Keep going!

Lori

You know, I'm finding that I can't rely on motivation every day. Some days I just don't WANT to eat right. Many days I don't WANT to exercise.

I'm learning that this isn't about motivation alone. It's about commitment. I have made a commitment to a healthier life and that's why I eat well and exercise.

Think about all the other things you do, not because you're motivated, but because you "have" to. Most of us aren't motivated to go to work everyday, but we do it anyway.

Maybe the focus on motivation is a little overemphasized. As for "will power" that is coming with the commitment, and my decision the the food does not control ME... I control the food!

Well said Wyllenn!

~Dee

I'm struggling with getting momentum going enough to get started again. 2 years ago, I was 3 lbs from my ideal weight range. It was the thinnest I'd been in my entire teen-adult life. I felt like you did, "Maybe I'm just not a thin person, maybe I have big bones, maybe its genetics and I'm doomed anyway"-- All not true- I proved that to myself when I lost over 80 lbs and was thinner than my younger "skinny" sister. I felt amazing, on top of the world and PROMISED, that I'd never go fat again. I was wrong. I got pregnant and did really well for the first several months of my pregnancy then, I developed pre-eclampsia and had some other complications that I did not deal well with. I let the food comfort me and now I'm larger than I've ever been. I know now, that I can't use those thoughts to deter me from losing weight this time since I've already been thin.. I'ts mind trickery I tell you... Start off wanting to lose 20 lbs... Once you get on the one way street of weight loss--- you'll be amazed at what you can do.

Its hard to get started--- as I said, I'm struggling myself but I can a will do this and so can you!

Wyllenn ~ your new avatar pic is a nice one of you.

I've never been thin, except when I was 4-5. LOL. So now I don't even think about it. I just want to be healthy. I want to walk without getting tired. I want to have constant energy instead of feeling rundown. If "thin" happens as a side effect (which it will), then great! I'd love to know what it feels like.

But I really want to be normal. NOT the biggest person wherever I go. For instance, one day at work we had an activity day. We split up into teams and we each had color coded T-shirts. I couldn't fit the shirt (XL). I was the only one not wearing one. I draped it over my shoulder and still participated, but I'm sure the world knew why I wasn't wearing it. I want to be able to WEAR that t-shirt!

Oh Tiffany ~ I hate it at work ~ the T-shirt thing. They passed them out at work one day and we all had to have one ~ I had to ask for a bigger size. I hated that. They all can see that I am big, but then they knew exactly how big. I wanted to crawl in a hole.

Yup, I'm part of the fat kid to fat adult club. For me, it's all the more motivation, though: I missed out on doing a lot of normal kid and teenager things, I don't want to miss out on my 20s, 30s, etc.

The one problem with never having been thin is that being fat is often the biggest problem in my life. So I figure that once I'm thin, everything else will just fall into place. I associate all my little problems with my one big problem, because they've only ever existed while I've been fat! (Talk about screwy logic, eh? )

It's almost a mystery, I guess. I have no idea what I look like under this fat. But I sure am anxious to find out!

I'm another one who has never been thin. My lowest weight I remember is being 150 in the 6th grade. I wasn't obese, but I was certainly bigger than everyone else. You know, back when everyone was UNDER 100 pounds. Like sexyrevealed said, I was almost always the biggest person there at events and whatnot. I refuse to go to parties I'm invited to because of this reason. I know I won't magically be cured of all my insecurities by losing the weight, but it'll sure help.

Btw, we're both at the same weight. Almost identical start targets too, but my highest was 343. WOO @ us

Yupyup, you can add me to the list, too! The earliest weight I remember was when I was about 200 pounds in 7th grade. Before that, I don't know what the exact numbers were, but I do know that part of the reason I quit taking tap dance lessons when I was 9 was that I hated being so fat in a leotard. I have a picture of me from when I started my tap lessons at age 4, and I looked like I was a healthy weight then for a kid, but in all pictures after that (including my first-grade photo when I was 6), I'm quite obviously overweight.

So, for a long time, I blamed practically everything bad in life on my weight. I didn't have a boyfriend, couldn't get a good job, didn't get invoted to parties, you name it, I blamed my fat for it. But I was afraid to lose it. I was afraid that if I lost the fat, and things didn't get better in my life, then what would I have left to blame? Then I would have to take responsibility for the bad things happening, and who wants to face the reality that it's a personal issue and not a physical issue?

Well, now I'm still fat, but I've got a great job and a loving boyfriend and had a fabulous social life in college. I have a bachelor's degree and a very nice apartment filled with everything I need. I don't have much left to complain about, so I don't need to blame the fat for anything. I've taken responsibility for my life despite the fat, so I'm no longer afraid to lose it. I don't NEED it for anything anymore

I'd like to see how I look when I'm thin. It's like unwrapping a present--as I'm losing weight, I see bits and pieces of it coming together (ooh, a collar bone--I didn't know I had those!). Now that I've started and taken off the bow, I need to get the rest of the paper ripped off! Maybe it won't be the most impressive gift when all is said and done, but I still don't think I will return or exchange it for anything else in the world

That is EXACTLY how I felt when I was losing weight, since I had been overweight or obese my whole life! I'd lie in bed at night and 'discover' new bones and muscles - it was so cool! Collarbones, then ribs, then hipbones, and OMG - did you know you have butt bones? And they hurt when you sit on hard surfaces??

The weirdest thing when you get done unwrapping the gift is that you might not recognize yourself anymore. Not just friends and family walking by you and not knowing who you are ... I mean YOU catching a glimpse of yourself in a mirror and not recognizing who it is. Or looking at a photo and not seeing yourself. You'll spend a lot of time looking in the mirror - not as a vanity thing, but just trying to figure out who 'you' are.

I weigh less now than I did in junior high school. Even if you've been heavy your whole life, you don't have to stay that way.