I’m so glad that I took the time to read through the threads here.
I have been lurking for awhile - looking for where I might belong.
This group sounds like the place where I need to be, and you are people who I can reach out to. We have a lot in common.
Hopefully I have some thing to give back.
I weighed 250 this past Wednesday. That’s up 4lbs. from Sunday. I am so discouraged.
I like to tell people that have an eating disorder (BED) because I think that it some how absolves me from personal responsibility for my weight and situation.
I have gain 85 lbs in the last 8 years or so.
I gave up on myself and my appearance, after I realized that a hoped for love affair was going nowhere - “X” didn’t want me - it was all in my head.
When I met “X” I was unhappily married to a man who had been clinically depressed and suicidal for 3 years. We had no sex life, money problems and I weighed 288 or maybe a little more. I was so miserable.
I met “X” and was flipped upside down. He was what I lived for.
I lost over 130 lbs. in the hope that”X” would “notice” me.
Well he did - sort of.
But I was married, and to his credit he would not become involved with me and went on to marry someone else.
I was to afraid to leave my husband ( financial reasons) so I settle for the “security” of an unsatisfying marriage instead.
Well, 8 years later - I’m still married and my husband is better.
We still don’t sleep together and I don’t think we ever will. I don’t love him that way - I love him like a brother.
I do miss having a partner and a lover - sometimes it is very lonely - I eat over it.
But I don’t completely regret how things worked out, but I sure do regret how I slipped back into my old eating habits and the weight I have gained.
I have gained so much weight so fast, that people who have not seen me for awhile are shocked. It is so embarrassing. But I still keep stuffing and gaining.
I wish I could say that I have the motivation to tackle my weight problem - but most times I don’t.
I have been treated twice for BED without success. The thing is, that I don’t ever recall “binging” - the way I eat is all I really know.
In order for me to lose weight & maintain my weight I have to “always be on a diet”.
The fact of the matter is, can’t face my life without the extra food. I have to learn a new way.
I have a history of losing weight for others but not myself. It is a struggle for me to do it FOR ME and no one else. I'm going to try again.
I look forward to getting to know all of you. Thanks for being here.
All the best to all of us.
FM
Hello! I'm New
((easier said then done right)). We just need to find a little faith in ourselves. This can be done!
to the board!
to you, 
