Hi guys! What an awesome thread! You all are a really insightful and supportive group. I can't wait to meet some of you this fall in Pittsburgh!

I hope you don’t mind me jumping in and giving you my two cents on the question Why We Fall Off The Wagon from a maintenance point of view —

We’re all going to slip and fall off the wagon. It’s going to happen, like Beverly says, even after you lose all the weight and you’re maintaining. Accept it. It happens to me, it happens to Beverly, it happens to everyone. None of us is perfect and we’re never going to be perfect dieters, even considering that we’re going to have to be thoughtful eaters for the rest of our lives.

So please realize that it’s going to happen. Despite your best intentions, you will screw up — count on it. My point is that the WHY isn’t as important as WHAT you do afterwards. I think it’s OK to spend a certain amount of energy figuring out why slips happen so you can prevent them BUT what’s critical is STOPPING the slip immediately. It’s the action, not the motivation that matters most here, in my opinion.

What helped me was spending some time developing a strategy to deal with slips so that they don’t spiral out of control. I made a list of actions that I take when I’ve done some unplanned eating. Like: I’ll go brush my teeth and rinse my mouth with Listerine (that helps me stop a binge). I’ll get out of the house or throw away the food that’s tempting me. I’ll go to the gym for an extra hour to burn off the calories. I’ll ask my DH for help etc. Other actions might work for you — it’s an individual thing. I suggest literally make a list and keep it in a binder or on the refrigerator door.

We lifetime dieters tend to see the world and ourselves in black and white. We’re either ON a diet or we’re OFF — way way off. We’re either GOOD or BAD. And once we slip a little, we tend to want to throw it all out the window and give up. We’ll start again tomorrow or Monday or the first of the month (I STILL get that little voice in my head saying: “go on, eat ____, you’ll be good tomorrow”!). Ummm … that doesn’t work, in my experience. The way I lost and kept off the weight is consistency — never giving up — never quitting. You slip, you pick yourself up, learn from it and keep going. No do-overs, no giving up.

So -- my humble opinion is: Relax! You're going to slip and it's not a big deal if you stop it right there. One or two cookies -- some pizza -- a dinner out -- in the big picture, these things aren't going to derail your diet. The key is never to let a slip turn into a day or even a week or longer because THAT is what will keep you from losing the weight and keeping it off forever.

I agree, it is a defense mechanism- - not posting the negative. But what “Defense Mechanism” means to me may be different than what defense mechanism means to someone else. To me, in this instance, a defense mechanism is my way of blocking something that will drag me back down and take me off the beaten path, not something to hide behind or to portray false image. My own negativity does not motivate me in the least bit and so I don't dwell on my failures for that very reason —not to hide something or pretend/portray that I am living in the land of perfection. Trust me on this one! I recognize a struggle/failure and immediately do something to fix it. That is how I have kept going thus far.

Defensiveness can often be looked upon as not admitting something or never fessing up to being wrong. Believe me I am wrong a lot and I am the first to admit it and correct it! I look at being defensive as keeping the other team from tackling me. (The other team being the triggers that drag me down). Believe me, I have struggles—but I don’t allow them to last long! I need encouragement from others on this board, and if there is something that I can’t handle I will ask for guidance. It has taken me many many many years of heartache, failure and struggle with my weight problem to achieve this attitude I have and I won’t trade it for anything! I have a clear mission and yes there are bumps in the road but I choose not to let them become road blocks in my journey.. In other words, failure is not an option and these mechanisms described above are what I am using to achieve success! Weather you realize it or not, you all are helping me to discover other ways to improve myself and become even more positive.. For that I thank all of you greatly!

This thread just gets better 'n better!! There's a lot of wisdom being shared here and for that I'm very grateful. A positive "I can do this" attitude is so vital to the process of getting yourself on the right track and staying there. I'm guilty, guilty, guilty of finding all the ways I CAN'T do it rather than focusing on the ways that I CAN. You really do have to change that inner dialog that sets you up for failure. I'm making a choice to put that negativity in the past and find the good in myself, the strong chickie who has overcome many other hurdles in her life--this is just one more mission to accomplish!

Thanks, Gretchen and Meg!
You're right, Listerine will stop almost any binge!
I started this thread sort of as a way to admit to myself and others with the same issues what happened - how, even though I pretend that I'm doing ok, I can get all twisted up in my head, and how that leads to eating for the wrong reasons.
Since I just finished Phase I of South Beach, I think I can say, today, I'm not where I was 2.5 weeks ago, and I'm glad.
I'm also a recovering alcoholic (20 yrs now), and I'm starting to use the things I've learned about myself to apply to food. I think most of us with 100 or more lbs to lose have issues besides hungry that tell us that food is what will MAKE US FEEL BETTER. And it doesn't, of course. But since we must eat, sometimes we will eat things that make us want to continue FOREVER, and there have to be ways to manage this.

Sue

Barb, for me it is absolutely requisite that I stay positive throughout this process. To do anything else would be so self-defeating and counter-productive. You CAN do this, you CAN cultivate this attitude, and you CAN lose weight, continue to lose weight, and keep it off. You CAN succeed. Just take it one step at a time. Don't get too far ahead of yourself. Start with one decision to eat this next meal as you intended, tell yourself how good you feel about doing it as you're doing it, and then afterwards give yourself lots of positive feedback for doing what you said you were going to do. Then do it again for the water that you drink, and then do it again for moving a little more than you normally would, and then do it again for the next meal 3 or 4 hours later. And so on. This is how you'll build fortitude, change your attitude, develop new habits, and build confidence in your own ability to succeed.

I don't have kids, but I'd imagine that it's not too different from teaching a child positive behaviors. You lead them by the hand, show them how, monitor them while they do it, and give them lots of praise and guidance. Just direct that positive attention on yourself, and start with baby steps. Just one behavior, one choice at a time, until you're at the end of your day and you've got so much to appreciate about yourself. Then get up and do it again. And with each new day, it gets easier, or the challenges change, or you learn you need to relearn a lesson you'd thought you'd gotten under your belt. And when you misstep, as you inevitably will, you just brush yourself off and chalk it up to old habits, and move on. When it comes to behaviors, for now think little picture -- micromanage yourself. But when it comes to slip-ups, think big picture; one meal is not going to ruin your progress.....remember, it takes a 3500 calorie surplus to gain a pound, so don't sweat it and beat yourself up if you make the choice you didn't intend to make. Just make the right one the next time.

Barb, it's an ongoing process, but it really just boils down to putting one foot in front of the other, not getting too far ahead of yourself, and not beating the crap out of yourself for falling back into old habits while you're developing new ones. And replace those negative messages in your brain with positive ones.....through literally talking yourself up for each little decision you make that's in line with your plan for the Barb who's positive, on-track, and seeing results. Consider this your breakthrough, and move forward TODAY.

Sending you love and support --

Just a brief note in response here, that I totally agree on doing things "now" and not putting them off to "later". Well, mostly at least. I do like to have a certain level of physical fitness before I go vacationing just so I can properly enjoy it, but boy, I've been at least 30 pounds overweight (and up to 130) for years and years. If I waited around I'd never do anything! So I go to the water park, go on African safaris, all that.

Iraq is just a little different because it's a combat zone, and physically demanding. There's about 5-7 miles of walking a day in the job, 14 hour workdays, 7 day weeks, climbing around to do, plus the possibility for things to go, well, wrong. And then I'm big enough that fitting into a coach airline seat is uncomfortable, so there's the physical size issue. So I'd want to be fitter, and small, and if I went next year I'd still be overweight even under the best circumstances, since I'm not going to drop 130 pounds in a year. But I'd need to be less bulky, and able to keep up with a lot of walking and stuff, before I went.

Cambodia, Vietnam, and Thailand, which is my next trip lined up, it's less of an issue. But I'll probably still hold off on those until next year as I've taken two vacations already this year for family events.

Meg, you look fantastic! Thank you for sharing that.

I've really enjoyed reading this thread. Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and struggles.

just one more thing and I'll shut up I swear...

I USED to be a negative person (when it came to weightloss). During my negativity, I never gave myself the chance to lose weight because I just knew I COULDN'T do it, and I was satisfied with being heavy as long as I didn't gain anymore.. I'd keep telling myself each time I would gain 10 or so lbs. "It's ok as long as I don't get "there" to that size. I'd keep on extending the "there" / that size until I was so totally miserable. It really hit home when I saw a picture of me from Vacation this past March. That really hit me like a ton of bricks --especially since I didn't even recognize myself anymore. I was miserable, grouchy, unpleasant, becoming a home body and felt so totally disgusting about myself-- I was too embarrassed to go anywhere.. That was NOT me. I was in TOTAL denial that I looked like I did- I had all kinds of excuses, like it was the way I was standing or the shirt I had on wasn't flattering. Deep down I was so sad and embarrassed and scared that if I didn't do something that my health would fall apart or that my husband would just decide that I was too fat for him or something crazy like that.. I really felt that way... I had enough and decided that I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. THAT is why I CHANGED!

My life is SO much better as a positive being. If I could have just grasped that concept years ago, I would have enjoyed so much more of my life!

I am SO HAPPY to be who I AM TODAY! And I will continue to encourage people as much as I can...

Gretchen--thanks for the above post. I'm going to print it and post it on my fridge!! You summed up my current status: seeing "The Picture", feeling to self-conscious to go anywhere, avoiding social situations. I'm so encouraged and uplifted by your post--it was just that boost I needed to get my a** in gear and push the "Go" button. For me, another motivator is realizing how much my feelings about my weight have affected my family. My negativity has bled over onto all aspects of my life. NO MORE!
Barb

hmmm. even more things to make me think......

Sarah - I really like your description of the process of changing negative thought patterns and behaviours. That's pretty much what I've been doing.....although I wouldn't have described it like that. I think I would also add treat yourself loads - I often think that we have this rewards for reaching goals thing completely wrong.....when the pounds are shifting quickly, I feel so great, I don't need other rewards....its when the going, for whatever reason, gets tough, that I need to do things to make me feel good...

Gretchen - thanks so much for sharing about your wonderfully positive attitude. I too can only do this because I really really believe that I can, and I am really enjoying and savouring the pleasures of the results.

Scuttle - I am sure you will be enough for that Iraq trip soon enough. And you are a truly brave woman for aspiring to go there! I've been to some tough places, but probably none that tough. Thailand/Vietnam/Cambodia will be great. I've worked in Thailand (Bangkok) and Vietnam (mainly Hanoi)......totally wonderful places, especially Vietnam. You will have a fantastic time when you eventually get there!

Meg - many thanks for those words of wisdom. I will start planning my strategies for preventing the odd slip turning into a landslide!

I'll add my 2 cents.
For me it all boils down to this—why I fell off the wagon in the past—I stopped putting me first and caring about what happens to me. Period.
Like you all said, it usually starts out small, I forgot to plan a meal here, added something there and then it all added up to old eating habits and weight gain.
This time around I know this is something that I have to do. It isn't one of those options. I'm glad meg posted what she did because I FINALLY get that. It's only taken all my life for me to realize it but I'm glad I did. I know that this is something I will have to do the rest of my life. I also know that I can't live off of salads, and veggie platters the rest of my life so if I start craving a pizza I allow myself to have some pizza. The key for me is when I do have that pizza to not go back to the mindset that next I need a nice greasy burger and fries, a double chocolate triple fudge sundae to go with it.
I know that I will succeed and get this weight off. I may be losing it at .5 pound a week now but I'm not weighing in at 300+ pounds anymore either and I enjoy exercising now.

THOUGHTFUL EATER. I think you have hit the nail on the head for me. I am a very balck and white on or off person. Everything has a label - good or bad. I think I am going to take a thoughtful eater approach and see where that gets me.

Thanks Meg - you are full of wisdom as usual.

I fall off the wagon because I am a crazy perfectionist. When I was growing up I felt like I had to be perfect - get perfect grades, have perfect friends, say the perfect things, and most of all, look perfect. I was always afraid of failure. This desire for perfection created a lot of stress and anxiety and my outlet was always food. Whenever I experienced failure, I would sneak food into my bedroom and eat massive amounts until I felt sick. Then I would feel guilty and go for days trying to avoid food. Part of being in control of myself was being in control of food. In high school I weighed 160, and even though I wore a size 6 I felt as if I were obese. Perfect girls did not weigh more than 120, I thought. I dreamed of having enough control that I could be an anorexic. I was ashamed that I couldn't starve myself. I managed to at least maintain my weight between 160 and 170 until my junior year, when my father died suddenly. At that point I lost all control of myself. People kept bringing over food and I ate everything. By the time I graduated high school I was over 200 lbs. At that point I gave up on my perfectionism and decided to indulge myself with whatever I wanted - food, shopping, anything. I went from being a control freak to completely out of control. By the time I finally started coming out of my depression I was 240 lbs. That was the start of my first weightloss journey, in 2001. I think the main problem I had was that I slipped back into perfectionism. I charted everything I ate, every bit of exercise, weight, and inches to the extreme. I was weighing myself at least 10 times a day. I weighed myself first thing in the morning, after I got dressed, after every time I ate, even after I went to the bathroom. I was completely obsessed. Initially, I was also very sucessful. I dropped about 30 lbs in 6 weeks. Then, I went through another period of stress, deaths in the family, problems at work, and I lost control again.

This time I am being more reasonable. I allow myself 1600-1800 calories rather than the 1000 or less I had before. I exercise no more than 1 hour a day. I don't keep a scale in the house anymore. I use the scale at work (I work in a medical office), where people will notice if I start stepping on it constantly. I have the support of my husband. He is wonderful. This time I will make it. I will have a healthy relationship with food. I will have a healthy mind and body.

Lori - Your story is very similar to mine.

Thanks Jennelle - it's good to know I'm not alone. I usually feel so embarrassed to share my story. I hate admitting my flaws. I'm always worried everyone's going to think I'm weird or crazy. But I feel much better now.