I wasn't sure how to head this one. I have a coworker who is severely obese (If I had to guess I would say she weighs over 350 and is 5'2") She's been this way as long as I've been here (almost 3 years). She wasn't this way in high school. We are the same age and she's been diagnosed with diabetes, has sleep apnea, falls asleep all the time at her computer, you get the picture.
I've brought up my successes and I try not to do it every day or all the time. I've even invited her to walk with me (I need new shoes was her excuse on that one). Since I've been swimming at the public pool now instead of walking, I lost that one to try and help her until the fall.
If we eat out at a restaurant, it's just 1 1/2 block away. She will walk to her car out back and drive there. We usually beat her to the door. I know she can't change until she is ready to but do any of you have any tips or advice that I could say to her to make her realize that if she doesn't do something about her health, she probably won't be around in 10 years to watch her daughter date (she's 5 now) much less graduate college.
We had a coworker who was probably the same size as her die of complications from diabetes last year and even then that didn't help her want to lose the weight.
I know you can't force anyone to do this but I know that if you give enough encouragement, one of these days it will sink in and click.
so if any of you have any advice or tips, let me know.
I'm betting she already knows the health risks. I think the only thing you can do is be a good example. It's very hard to watch people we care about do this to themselves, but I know that if anyone had even tried to encourage me, I would have taken it the wrong way and would have 1) quit hanging out with that person, or 2) eaten more.
Hmmm. This is a tricky one. In the end, we can only make these eating and exercise changes for ourselves.......its a bit risky but maybe you could try a direct approach......share your concerns, tell her you really do know what its like, see if she wants to talk about it? Maybe try and see what holds her back? What Sheila says is true - this may put her off entirely, but at least you will know that you've tried.....
Sheila said it better than I could ever imagine. Unfortunately only she can decide to make the changes necessary to become healthy. Keep working on yourself and keep your fingers crossed that somewhere down the line you will inspire her.
Melissa
I agree, she already knows the full picture. But, it hasn't hit home, and there's not much that will make that happen until it just happens. I knew all my life that being overweight could lead to heart trouble, diabetes, etc. But, it was only when my best friend (only a little overweight) was diagnosed with diabetes, AND I began to feel achy back and feet, etc. that I started thinking about changing.
Embarking on a weight loss project -- especially when one has so much to lose (I had 170 or so to lose to start with) takes a lot of optimism and hope. When you are in a place where you do not feel those things, you don't see the point in trying. It was only when I started feeling better about myself for accomplishing some personal finance goals that I began to think that tackling something else that was long-term and personally challenging might be possible.
So.
Simply being a living example (even a silent one) can help. Up until recently I worked in an office with many overweight women, some slightly, some with as much or more to lose than I did. I've lost count of how many of them, and other people in my life, have told me that I have been an inspiration to them and that they are trying to lose weight (and in some cases have reached goal). I never discussed my program or how much weight I lost. I would offer simple answers if they asked questions, but it just was obvious what was happening when the pounds started dropping and I was refusing the office birthday cake.
I think when we are overweight and not doing anything about it, we get defiant on one hand, and jealous on another, and assume that the person losing weight is somehow different & better & more special than we are. It can reinforce the hopeless, victim, loser attitude. I wonder what you say when you "share your success?" Do you tell her you've lost x pounds? That's not necessarily bad, but it CAN come off as bragging and as a superior attitude if not handled carefully. Rather than doing that, how about just opening lines of communication and let her know (in subtle ways) that it's been a challenge but you have found it rewarding in non-scale ways? You can talk in a confidential, just-between-us-big-girls tone. "You know, this has been a very challenging experience, and it's been tough, but the rewards have already been worth it." or "I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'm learning to like vegetables!" or "It was really hard to start exercising, and it's still not my favorite thing, but I learned you can just do a tiny bit and build on it, and that's OK. I actually feel better after I've been for my walk!" or whatever.
Think about all the things and thought patterns that prevented you from starting a weight loss program, and kept you from succeeding before, and share THOSE. Acknowledging it's hard, you're not special, it's slow and frustrating and uncomfortable, etc. may, over time, give her a level of comfort and hope. And that's what everybody needs to get started ... hope.
The point is, no amount of encouraging is going to matter until she is ready to do this for herself. It's sad, and I know you desperately want to help her, especially because you know this can be done, but some people really just never get it. You just focus on yourself and don't be afraid to share your accomplishments in front of her, but remember, you can't do this for her. Hopefully she'll come around eventually.
Need some help or tips
