[Jennelle]

Hi

Just thinking of everyone and checking in.

School is going smashingly fabulously well...what a difference a principal who DOESN'T have his/her head up his/her anal orifice makes...

I'm not "happy" with my weight, but I'm not beating myself up over it, either.

My husband's oldest sister passed away the Sunday of Labor Day weekend...she was 59. She had pneumonia and went to the ER and when they were intubating her to help her breathe, she had a heart attack. My husband is feeling his mortality and also got unmercifully teased about his weight by all the family members he hasn't seen in 10+ years. We could do this together, if he wanted....

I think the reason I've been avoiding this place is because the pain of the self-hatred and loathing I've felt about my body for so many years is just too much for me to bear anymore. We are all so supportive of each other, and love each other like friends, but underneath the support my subconscience continues to play that tape...."you're not good enough....you're not pretty enough...you're not smart enough...you have to change...." This is something only I can change. (And already I am crying....now I KNOW I'm not ready to come back yet...)

I miss and love you all....I will try to check in again another day.

[Sheila53]

Hey, back.

Oh, shoot, I'm so sorry you feel like that. I wish I could take away your pain. Ever watch Star Trek? There was an episode about a woman who took away pain from people by taking it on herself. I wish there was such a person. I'd send her to you.

Jennelle, have you ever thought about seeing a really good counselor? Sometimes seeing someone professionally can help stop those dang tapes we have running through our heads. Finding that good counselor is often the hardest thing, but worth it. Yes, you're the only one who can change, but sometimes you need a jumpstart and a (good) counselor might be just the thing.

Gosh, I'm so sorry about your SIL. I can understand how your husband must be feeling his mortality now. Your SIL wasn't that old. . .

I'm glad your new principal is so great. And I hope you check back in soon. We miss you!

[SuchAPrettyFace]

Good to see you. Wish you felt like coming here more. Miss ya, babe.

[Jillegal]

Jennelle! You have to come back - I'm new and don't know you yet! I understand if you don't feel ready to come back yet, but know that misery loves company - especially company that truly understands what you're going though, and maybe together we can change a few of those tears in smiles. We're ready when you are

[glynne]

Hi Jennelle,

I'm not always good with the words, so ~ sending

((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

Gayle

[Charbar]

No matter what the reason you have been good - we just plan ol' missed ya! I'm just happy to see your post!

[rochemist]

Jenelle,
You just a woman like the rest of us. I got that same damn tape player. So here is my new approach. Its no longer about vanity except that I know I look better thinner, but the concrete reasons I have every day. I climbed a metal ladder with a roll bar the other day, it just about kicked my butt, and if I was 65 lbs heavier like I use to be I probably wouldn't have even fit as well.

Stay real girl, we miss you!
Miss Chris

[anagram]

Jennelle - good to hear from you. Did send the dog out a while back.

Sorry about your loss. DH will take special patience for a while but maybe he'll come to the "together" conclusion and it will work better for both of you. I know time's a factor in checking in too but at least lurk when you can and know you're welcome whenever the spirit hits.

Glad new school/job are going so much better.

[anagram]

Hey, Sheila, I remember that Empath show. One of my favorite Star Treks! And now modern medicine studies the effect of "hands on" therapy.

[gonzostar]

i miss you jenelle. we'll be here when you're ready.