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Old 05-09-2013, 01:52 AM   #1
One with the Wind and Sky
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Unhappy Bad Night

Not looking for any solutions or advice, I just need to vent.

I went into my TOPS meeting feeling pretty good tonight. I'd put on a shirt with an empire waist that I haven't been able to wear for long; I'm an apple and I've been waiting forever for it to be even remotely flattering. I also brought in the winning poster I'd made for the state recognition days last weekend, eager to show it off to those that couldn't attend.

The deal with the poster is that I'm automatically given $10 to spend on the supplies for it, and anything further I choose to spend is secretly voted on by the chapter on whether or not I get reimbursed. I knew that going in, as I also did one for them two years ago and got reimbursed the $30 I'd spent at the time. So tonight, I mentioned I'd forgotten to bring the receipt in but that I'll do so next week so it can be voted on. And then I was asked how much I'd spent, which was a little over $20.

Negative Nellie (who is now our new treasurer) immediately started scoffing and loudly stated that there was NO WAY our chapter was paying that much. I calmly reminded her that it was an issue everyone would vote on, and she tried to tell me that it had never been voted on before and shouldn't be, basically how dare I go over the spending limit. I informed her that we would vote on it the next week like we always have, and then she tried to dismiss me by saying she didn't have the chapter checkbook on her anyway. Her son (another member) told her she's always supposed to have it, and she then started arguing with him before repeating that the chapter shouldn't have to pay for the poster. I had to repeat my words about the voting process yet again before she finally stopped complaining about it.

Once again, I knew what I was getting into by spending over the $10 limit, that there's definitely a possibility that people might not vote on the further reimbursement. Which is no big deal, it's not about the money and I'm more than happy to contribute. But I felt completely, utterly disrespected for all the time and effort I put into the thing with the way she snapped at me. I'm quite sure that if she had been in my place, she'd feel utterly entitled to be reimbursed, no questions asked or voting required.

I'm admittedly hormonal right now and was ready to cry, but I managed to stay calm and move on with the meeting despite having a gain. And before it was over, another member commented on how pregnant my shirt made me look, even while pointing out that she knew I wasn't far enough along to actually be showing. I don't remember her exact words but after that she basically told me she didn't realize how fat I still was. And that was exactly why I was too self-conscious to wear the shirt before now, I knew it emphasized my stomach. But I'd thought I'd reached the point where it felt balanced and flattering. Apparently not?

And before we left, some got into a different money argument on how we do some of our funding. Again, it's something we'll soon be voting on, and it drives me nuts that some are being so possessive about the chapter's money (IMO, some are treating it as more of a personal savings account rather than a pool that's meant for everyone with spending decisions done through voting).

Relieved the meeting (and arguing) was over, ten of us went out to eat, and after an enjoyable meal, the waitress brought out one bill instead of the split one we'd requested. I'd pointed out that we'd originally asked for the bill to be split, and she noticed I'm holding a coupon and tells me I won't be allowed to use it if we do so. Uh, come again? I didn't understand at first, but when I finally figured out what she meant, I told her I was only planning on applying my coupon to my meal and not everyone else's, so it shouldn't be an issue. When she insisted we should just figure it out amongst ourselves, I told her that was unacceptable and that it needed to be split like we had originally asked. She made a face and then told us the man up front could probably split it for us. I let the man know I wasn't happy about how she handled it, and I could tell he wasn't happy about it either.

I burst into tears once I got home. Not really a whole lot to complain about but I feel absolutely rotten; on top of it all I've been constipated (and yes, I've been eating a ton of fiber and drinking a lot of water, but I guess it comes with the territory of being pregnant).

Anyway, if the poster ends up having any further issues with people being sharky I guess I'll no longer be volunteering for such things. And as usual, I've been told to just ignore Nellie, but I'm so sick of the negativity. Tomorrow's a fresh new day and the beginning of a new week. And I already feel better by typing this out, so thanks for listening.

★ Goal for 2017: Get down to 220 ★
★ Ultimate Goal: 150 ★
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Old 05-09-2013, 01:57 AM   #2
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Sounds like a sucky day, but you have a winning attitude
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Old 05-09-2013, 02:21 AM   #3
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Parts of that story reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. When I was fighting 230 (coming from 214), I was crying to my husband how I felt fat and ugly and stuff. He helped me feel better. I put on my favorite empire waisted shirt. It was my first "normal" size shirt. (I can't wait to put it on again!) I was feeling better till a 12 year old at this party we were going to asked me how pregnant I was. I think I ran to the car after demanding to leave or something. Of course, John calmed me down again saying "she's just 12."

*hug* It will get better! The poster looked amazing. I know my mom contributes more money to her 4-H classes and just lets it go instead of getting reimbursed.
Still trying again. Never completely quiting this journey.
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Hit my highest weight again due to pregnancy. Nursing on WW.

Last edited by Daimere; 05-09-2013 at 02:22 AM.
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Old 05-09-2013, 04:09 AM   #4
I got this
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Ugh, wow! Definitely a bad night for sure. I totally loved the poster you made, well worth the $20+!!

As for the waitress- rude, rude and rude!!!! Lazy too. Seriously, how hard is it to go back and reprint a couple of bills? I never once had anyone try to do that to us. I would have given her either no tip or a really low one, like 10% or something (depending on how friendly and attentive she was prior to that.) Sheesh.

Tomorrow IS a new day. Hoping the rest of the week turns out better for you!

Last edited by amandie; 05-09-2013 at 04:10 AM.
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Old 05-09-2013, 05:31 AM   #5
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Hope today is a better day for you.
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Old 05-09-2013, 07:21 AM   #6
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Sounds like a horrible day...and for the record I personally can't weight to be 210!

Hoping you have a better day today.

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Old 05-09-2013, 07:59 AM   #7
I can do this
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I'm sorry last night was so hard--between negativity and downright meanness, I understand why you went home so upset. It's got to be especially hard since this is supposed to be a support group--the last thing you'd expect is to be attacked.

You'e done an amazing job losing so much weight and now your body is busy making a new person--don't let them take you down from being on top of the world!
Goal: Back to where I was!
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Old 05-09-2013, 09:17 AM   #8
Hi From Canada, eh?
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I hope you can read that in a few days and almost chuckle at how cartoonish AWFUL that day was! one thing after another! Good for you for crying and venting - a good way to get feelings out

ps on a TOPS note?? I went there for about 6 months years ago and hated it! The organization is great, but it's only as good as its local chapter right? There were 6 ladies who had been in charge since day 1, and they weren't interested in losing weight, just socializing and bullying anyone new - hated it!

Started: 323
Now: 171 - nope, 165 now!
NOPE -- 162 now! Holy crap i've lost a PERSON!
Goal: 160

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Old 05-09-2013, 10:19 AM   #9
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I'm sorry, people can be such jerks sometimes. Glad you have a good attitude about it.
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Old 05-09-2013, 10:28 AM   #10
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Sorry you had such a bad day!!! There is nothing worse than feeling attacked!! As for the pregnancy remark, I swear there is something about being pregnant that makes people's tact fly STRAIGHT out the window when they're talking to you!!

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.--Winston Churchill
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Old 05-09-2013, 10:36 AM   #11
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I've never understood why some people have to be negative about everything. Maybe they're just happy being miserable.

Today is a new day and you don't have to deal with Nelly or the waitress!
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Old 05-09-2013, 11:53 AM   #12
I'm bringing sexy back!
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One for every five pounds lost!
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Old 05-09-2013, 12:37 PM   #13
beautiful bright soul :)
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I hope you feel better today!
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Old 05-09-2013, 12:42 PM   #14
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HUG! I'm sorry. I used to get so upset by things like this when I was pregnant. I mean, it's upsetting to begin with, but then the additional hormones don't make it any easier to maintain composure! Seems like you handled it well, kudos! That Nellie should know better than to test a preggo!
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Old 05-10-2013, 02:17 PM   #15
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Thank you everyone! I'm feeling a lot better after venting and especially after reading all of your responses.

I feel a little out of sorts with them sometimes; at 37 I'm by far the youngest member of the group, everyone else is literally old enough to be my parent or grandparent so it's sometimes easy to get a little intimidated. I often wish I could get younger members and a younger mindset in the place. And since I've been doing so well with the weight loss this past year I think I can feel the status quo shifting around, for better or for worse.

Next week will be interesting. I'm already running through what I might need to say if the poster gets completely dismissed again. Once again, it's not about the money since I knew what I was getting into, it's just that I donated a lot of my personal time and effort into the thing and at least want some respect shown, especially since everyone seemed so damned proud of me for winning before the cost was brought up. I'm a freelance artist; although I typically do work of an entirely different nature, had this poster been done for an actual client it would have cost a lot more than just the price of materials. And it's not as if I went hog-wild with the materials, the board itself was already a fair amount on its own and I didn't buy much paper and ribbon. I actually donated the printed material that I'd designed for it and even provided my own stand!

I think more than anything, I'm just sick of the Negative Nelly constantly causing problems, this is just the latest in a long line of events. I have not clue how she was elected as the new treasurer, but one of the other members and I are in talks about taking off and creating our own chapter. We only need four people total and a place to meet.

Ok . . . deep breath . . . Lunch is still an hour away and I'm starving; time to go figure out a snack.

★ Goal for 2017: Get down to 220 ★
★ Ultimate Goal: 150 ★
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