NO CHOICE.
That's what I told myself over and over.
It was so hard in the beginning when I decided to reboot. There were days I was sobbing over chocolate. Not having chocolate and feeling deprived, actually having chocolate and feeling guilty over it, having too much chocolate and feeling out of control.
It took me a long time to find that balance, to get my priorities between food and health sorted out. And every day, I told myself I had NO CHOICE but to try my very best.
What got me through was keeping a food journal. Making myself write in it no matter what. If I made a mistake, I wrote it down and moved on. When I was proud of my choices, I got to brag to myself in that journal. And very slowly over time, my efforts became less aggressive and far less draining. Making better choices became second nature. And granted, I'm sure I could easily slip back, but I do everything in my power to set myself up for success.
Remember that there's a consequence to everything, both good and bad. I still make mistakes, but it's ok (for example, in last night's rush I ended up overeating at dinner and got a tummy ache). Making good choices not only get us results over time, but gives us reason to be proud. It was a long time before I could even begin to trust myself around anything with added sugar, but now I can have a bite or two of "real" dessert and be satisfied, as opposed to feeling deprived over not having more (if any at all), or overeating and feeling majorly guilty.
It gets easier over time, remember that to help you through the difficult parts. Do your best every day, forgive yourself over mistakes but don't excuse them, and get right back on the wagon. The only way you'll reach your goals is to not give up.
I'm on maintenance break right now, but I'm still keeping my food journal. It still helps me stay mindful and accountable of my overall choices, and I'm hoping I'll still be in practice for next year when it's time to lose again. I realize I don't have a choice if I want to get healthier.
Good luck to you! You've done this before, you can do it again. Get this hard part out of the way so you can move on to easier stuff.