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Old 03-17-2003, 03:02 PM   #1
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Default Don't bash yourself - long tirade

Just after reading some people's journals and some posts here and there it occurs to me that we spend a lot of time beating ourselves up over overindulging in food we know we shouldn't eat or over not exercising or over not meeting goals we have set. Isn't losing weight hard enough without adding a ton of guilt to the mixture?

We have taken on a very large project that may take years to complete, losing weight and keeping it off. It is very hard work. I think overcoming food addiction is harder than quitting smoking or doing drugs or drinking alcohol. We need to eat, we don't need to smoke, do drug or drink alcohol. That is why it is so hard. It's not like you can say, I'm never going to touch food again.

We are all human and not perfect. We make mistakes, we fall off the wagon but we dust ourselves off and try again. Learn from your mistakes. Don't dwell on them and let them take control of your life. I think that is where the real failure is, agonizing over something that is done instead of recognizing that something needs to change so that it doesn't happen again.

I hear a lot of time from a lot of different people, I have to do this or that. The plain and simple truth is that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You may feel that you do because that is how you've been raised...to be the good girl, to do the right thing. There's a thread up about somebody taking cookies to work and that is was expected they would make cookies or someone was making cookies for their husband. Well that is what everyone expects of you but you and I both know that it is completely the wrong thing for you to do yet we do it because it is expected, we have to do it. I hate when people say that to me. My SIL is having a baby shower for my other SIL and even though I have given her several hundred dollars of baby stuff free I'll likely still be expected to go to the shower with a gift even though I don't want to go because that is what is expected of me, the nice thing to do. Well I'll tell you right now that I'm not going and I don't care what anyone says. My SIL that is having the baby already knows I don't want to go and she could care less but I know I'll get it from the other SIL, my MIL and my husband, why aren't I going?

Stop living so much for other people. We make all kinds of excuses why we haven't lost weight. The baby was sick, I don't have time, I ate cookies I made for someone else. I love my baby of course but he's not attached to my hip 24/7. I can't blame him because I eat like a horse or don't workout. I have some time, I can't blame him because I'd rather sit on the couch and watch tv or waste my time in other frivolous ways.

Does anyone else feel that you've just wasted enormous amounts of time pretending you are trying to lose weight and just not gotten anywhere at all? How many of us can honestly, honestly say, YES I have done my best to lose weight. My best doesn't include eating 3 Cadbury Easter Cream eggs in one day. (drat those Cadbury people - see I'm trying to foist responsibility on to someone else)

I guess this tirade has come to its conclusion. Let's stop beating ourselves up about our failures. No we're not perfect, we are fallable human beings HOWEVER let's admit that sometimes when we whine and complain about not losing weight it is our own darn fault because we aren't giving it the effort that we say we are.

I don't mean to offend anyone or single anyone out. There isn't a thing that anyone has done on this board when it comes to eating that I haven't done myself probably half a dozen times. Let's learn from these mistakes, stop making excuses and start losing some weight!

Last edited by Jen; 03-17-2003 at 03:06 PM.
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Old 03-17-2003, 03:09 PM   #2
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Jen I totally agree with you. It's not my sick dogs fault that I didn't walk for 30 minutes and instead chose to sit on the couch and eat while playing on the internet even though I try to blame her (poor doggie). I am the worst when it comes to blaming other situations and NO MORE. I ate it because I wanted to and didn't exercise because I wanted to sit my big (__Y__) on the couch and relax!!!

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt
Winners must have 2 things - definite goals and a burning desire to achieve them
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Old 03-17-2003, 03:58 PM   #3
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Wow, Jen, that was a pretty powerful post! I agree with you that it is not anyones fault but our own. I don't however feel that we are all trying to put the blame on others (the baby was sick, I ate the cookies) I think that we are just trying to help explain it to ourselves, and help make ourselves feel better about our mistakes. In admitting that we ate the cookies we baked for someone else, we are simply admitting our mistakes.

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Old 03-17-2003, 04:46 PM   #4
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I agree that you alone have the power to control yourself. But I'm also a determinist. There is a reason that some choices are harder than others and part of the journey is finding out what that reason is.

But I would like to add about beating oneself up about food or dieting or exercise. For a moment, take whatever mean thing you said about yourself not accomplishing something and pretend it came out of the mouth of someone else. Would you be appalled? Would you be hurt? Did it tear you down or build you up? If the answer is that what you're saying to yourself is negative, then you are working against yourself! Why are you tearing yourself down when you are suppose to be your own best friend?

I challenge everyone to make this one change this week: Whenever you find yourself tearing yourself down, change it to something positive. Instead of beating yourself up over one thing, concentrate on being your very own cheerleader.

Yes, Jessica, you can do it!
Who's got spirit, yeah yeah. We got spirit yeah yeah.
S-P-I-R-I-T! GOooooooo Jessica! Woooooo!
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Old 03-17-2003, 11:18 PM   #5
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You know I think what Jen has to say is 99% on target. And I firmly believe that one only gets out of thier diet program what they put in. That was a huge realization for me, if I don't put my 100% in why should I expect my 100% out. Because as Jen says we are human and sometimes we only have 80% to give. Living ones life as a series of regrets instead of challenges, useless. Today is what I make of it.

I do believe there is some things we have to do in the world. Its that bar or standard we each set for ourselves beyond obligation. I am never obligated except to do my best. I hope that makes sense.

Miss Chris
bljeghbe' chugh vaj blHegh- Klingon for Surrender or Die

Weight Jan 2006- 257 lbs
Current weight-202.8 (5'7 1/2)
Goal weight-155 lbs.
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Old 03-18-2003, 12:31 AM   #6
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I agree with you, Jen. Taking care of ourselves is very important and learning from our mistakes is extremely important so we can end up where we want to be.

I have learned that if I bake something that is not tempting to me I have no problem at all. Because I love to cook, I love to make what my DH likes to eat - especially now that he is doing WW with me. I do not view it as a hardship to make him happy or help him stay OP by supplying treats for him, rather I take pride in the fact that I can do it. I love to figure out how I can convert an old favorite to something he can eat without hurting his health. And I occaisionally bake a goodie to take to work for my coworkers too just because I want to do something nice for them. My love of cooking hasn't disappeared just because I am eating differently - but the direction has definitely changed. It is important to me that I be able to continue that part of my life as I change my eating habits.

Most of us have families and the responsibilities that come with them. Taking care of each other physically and emotionally are part of that responsibility. We have to learn to function within those bounds while taking good care of ourselves. It is up to each one of us to decide just what works best for us. That goes for friendships also. I definitely do not feel it is wrong to provide treats or favorite foods for either family or friends as long as we do it willingly and within a safe limit for ourselves. Finding those limits is the challenge. Finding balance is incredibly hard at times but is so satisfying when we finally get it right.

Learning exactly what that limit is may take a few mistakes but if we learn something from each one we are that much farther down the road to success. I know that is your main point and I wholeheartedly agree with it.

I also agree that we shouldn't do something just because we are expected to do it. Good for you for deciding not to go to the shower to avoid any finger shaking at you!! Hurray for each of us who finds a way to take care of others while taking good care of ourselves!

We all need to take full responsibility for our actions, it will make us better people (large or small) for our entire life. Blaming others is not an option for any of us. Accepting that we are human and can make mistakes without damning ourselves forever is extremely important. Picking ourselves back up after tripping is one of the hardest (and most rewarding!) things we can do. Taking time to figure out what happened and why gives us incredible power if we put it to use rather than wallowing around in the muck crying alligator tears.

I think Denise is correct in saying that by posting out reactions to situations we are recognizing our mistakes and learning what we can do to avoid them next time. Jessica also made a good point about changing a negative reaction to a positive statement so we can build ourselves up even when we make a mistake.

I especially love this paragraph of Miss Chris's post:

"I do believe there is some things we have to do in the world. Its that bar or standard we each set for ourselves beyond obligation. I am never obligated except to do my best. I hope that makes sense."

We really are obligated to do our best at whatever we attempt in our lives. Anything less is cheating ourselves of an opportunity to better ourselves, whether it is dieting, a relationship, or doing laundry. The subject is much less important than the way we feel about ourselves at the end of the day

Jen, you have made excellent points and we all should learn from your observations. Then we need to decide what we can incorporate them into our lives now and work towards someday adding more in as we grow.

The great thing about this forum is that we can all grow with the insight we get from others - we don't have to learn everything on our own. What a blessing that is!!

Thank you all for helping me along my journey. I really do appreciate it!

This thing we call "failure" is not falling down, but staying down.
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