When you do what people ask and then they get mad.
So, my bf is On Plan as well, he sparks but lately he's been kind of doing a bad job of it, he's been eating too much at work (he is a cook) and he hasn't been exercising. He TOLD ME to help keep him on track.
So, I suggested taking some frozen stuff to work. (he says he doesn't have time so to cook himself healthy food there so I thought it was a good compromise, I Cook in bulk sometimes and freeze, plus he has light freezer meals).
I have been telling him to kinect.
Been telling him to spark better.
He tells me today to 'stop telling him what to do.'
WHAT!???!!??
He ASKED FOR THIS and now he's being resentful and it's really making me mad.
I think I might just tell him he's on his own. I have enough to worry about with myself. I can lead by example but I Think that is all I can do anymore. I just can't be responsible for him so he can be a jerk to me because he's resistant and unmotivated.
Didn't you ever say to someone, "hey, keep me honest" or "remind me to stay on track" and then totally ignore them or become resentful when they tried?
You're not his mother. At the time when he says something, he probably means it but it's not your job to police his food or exercise. He shouldn't put you in that position AND YOU SHOULDN'T AGREE TO IT IF HE TRIES.
It is one thing to make a suggestion - once. It is another to try to nag someone. No one responds well to nagging. There is no reason to TELL him to do anything. You can mention that you've just used the Kinect (I have no clue what sparking might be) and ask if he wants you to leave it set up for him. You can say you're packing your lunch and ask if he wants you to pack extra for him. There is no reason to TELL him what to do. He's an adult.
I think we've all made the mistake of saying to an SO - please help me stay on my diet! And in the moment, it sounds like a good idea but that is such a fast way to utterly ruin a relationship from both sides. Next time he brings it up, just say yeah, ok, whatever, and go on with your life. If you're staying on track, it will become more and more compelling for him to do the same.
I do the same thing to my hubby. Told him to get on me if he sees me eating something I shouldn't. Then when he has said something, I rip his head off. Whoops.
Yes, lead by example sounds good. He's got to want to do this for himself. You can't force him.
Seriously, being the Food Cop for somebody else, particularly somebody you're in a relationship with, is just not a good idea. No matter how sincere and well-intentioned both parties are, the end result is resentment.
I'd worry about yourself and
just support and encourage
him. He has to learn that if
he doesn't make a change then
he won't see results (if he's
truly serious about losing weight.)
I had to let go of my fiancee as well. He is on his own journey and path,I am on mine. I can only do what I can do for myself. And oddly enough the same goes for my kids. I fix them healthy meals and snacks everyday, if they choose not to eat them,that is on them.
It is on your boyfriend. I would tell/remind him what he asked you to do, and then let it go.
My husband and I are working on losing and getting healthier at the same time, too. I've thought about asking him to be a "food cop," but for one thing, I (so far) haven't really needed one, and for another, I don't want to rip his spine out for doing what I asked him to do. It wasn't really fair of your BF to put you in charge of his habits like that, and I'll bet he feels bad about jumping on you about it.
I've got seventyish pounds to lose, he's got about twentyish, all of which is at his belly. I'm a lifelong yo-yo dieter who's always hated exercise; he's never thought about a calorie in his life outside of a long-past chemistry class. He needs my calorie-counting expertise and I need his exercise savvy.
What works for us is mutual encouragement. I don't say a word if I see him eating leftover Halloween candy, but if I see him eating a serving of cottage cheese with fruit, I comment about how good it looks, congratulate him for the healthy snack, or compliment him for eating something high in protein to complement his workout. If I'm fixing my own breakfast, I ask if he wants some; that way I give him a better breakfast without seeming to run things for him.
In turn, he helps me keep on track with exercise by noting that my legs look more toned (and hey, it's nice to know he's still looking! ) or asking if I want to join him on a walk.
Absolutely tell him he's on his own. He'll have to be on his own while he's at work or otherwise away from you, so he needs to make the effort to be responsible for his own choices.
Having someone "help" always seems better in theory than in practice. With my fibromyalgia, I rely on hubby to point out things I might not recognize (for example when I'm in a really bad flare, my brain doesn't work right and I can do really stupid absent-minded things like put a pan of soup on the stove and forget it, or step out into traffic without looking).
I need my husband to be aware of my mental state, when I'm not. That doesn't make it fun to be told you're brain-missing. No matter how nicely he tries to say it "honey, you're not paying attention to what you're doing," always sounds like "you're being an idiot."
Now add in all of our health issues and trying to lose weight on top of it, and we do sometimes have to point out the other person's mistakes, but that doesn't make it easy or fun to be criticised (even if you asked for it).
When I do get mad, I feel like "I asked him to help, but he didn't have to be so nasty about it - there was a nicer way for him to do it," and that might be true, but hubby doesn't sugar coat anything, so that's not very realistic. Also, I think that when I need the help is when I have the least ability to deal with it in a positive way.
And it's not one-sided either. Hubby's asked for my help in situations that when the time came he didn't appreciate. Defensiveness is just a nautral reaction to being criticised. It's often a knee-jerk reaction that's hard to prevent.
You can decide never to help, or you can realize that sometime the theory and the practice aren't perfectly alligned. Wanting help and criticism and being able to deal with it perfectly when it occurs are two entirely different matters.
i needed a food cop in the begining. i needed that outside sensor. pretty soon i realized i'd rather 'fast' (just during the day, then eat dinner) then tell him about each meal. once my stomach had shrunk some, and i relearned real portion sizes i didn't need his help anymore. instead i use online help for accountability. mostly for my mental state, and celebrating nsv's.
i still need his help to point out the housecleaning. gradually my mind is changing from clutter is ignored to a clear counter is a happy counter. i sometimes resent it, but i'm such a procrastinator, often can't 'see' the real mess. see the clutter. so i try to remember he's trying to help.
I try to do the encouragement thing with hubby. He has a hard time losing weight, because he is very sedentary. So I always applaud any efforts he makes towards exercise! Likewise when I see him making good healthy eating choices. He's been making progress and I think he's feeling good about it too.
When you do what people ask and then they get mad.
) or asking if I want to join him on a walk. 
I think it's the weather. I keep putting weird stuff in the fridge.
