Trazey, I literally laughed out loud at your post. BRAVA!

What is the first thing we "hear" about when somebody changes their appearance drastically? Oh they must be interested in or having an affair. Especially if it's a man doing it, many women get suspicious. I'm not saying I agree with this at all, it's just the way some people think. All the womens magazines have dumb articles "signs he is cheating", losing weight, wearing cologne, changing his clothing style.

Don't get me wrong, I'm 100% on your side here. But maybe that is what he is thinking? Everything was fine, why is she changing? Hmm, old male friend appears from the past, hmmm.

I would never consult my husband (we've been together 37 years) on what I should wear, how I should do my hair etc. It's my head, my outfit.

Maybe he needs to hear you say you are making improvements for yourself and nobody else?

As for your Mom, well Moms are Moms. Maybe she truly has your best interests at heart, maybe she is jealous that the exciting time of her life is over, who knows. You only have one Mom, what can you do.

I was asked by another parent at the kids school if I was getting divorced. I was shocked and wondered what rumor must be going around. I told her No , why would you think that?? She said well you have lost so much weight I just thought you might be getting divorced.

I can relate alittle to the husband as I have had some of that here too. But I have always been one to do what I wanted with clothes,hair, makeup and such. I was a fashion lover before and being able to shop everywhere has just fueled the fire.

I wear clothes I like, same for hair and makeup. I do what makes me happy. You can never please everyone. My husband finally gets that I am doing this for me and my health not for any other reason. If it were for other motives I would have given up before now.

The thing is though, so what if you are cheating? Or what if he's cheating? You can't control your partner, you don't have a right to try to control them either, you like them and stay with them and love them for who they are NOT who you WANT them to be or who you think you can MAKE them be! And if who they are is treating you badly or breaking your wedding vows, then its your decision and right to leave them, its NOT the spouse's decisions or right to try to bully or force someone to not cheat or not behave the way you want them to behave. Its a weird concept, because in our society we often confuse "in love' with "right to control". No one has the right to control the behaviors of another adult, even if its through guilt or manipulation tactics. Everyone has the right to be an individual person and make their own choices without being guilted, put down, manipulated, accused of things etc.


To get back to the point of this forum:

This is a SHAME! but I do believe that studies have been done on the fact that women in ****ty (abusive) marriages tend to be heavier than ones in healthy marriages. (so if they get a divorce, they've collected weight to lose!) Now that doesn't mean every woman who is overweight is in a ****ty relationship, but THERE IS A NOTICEABLE TREND! Why?

An ****ty relationship:
a. lowers your self esteem, you begin to feel like you're not worth the effort anymore?
b. abusive partner may discourage or sabotage your weightloss efforts
c. makes you depressed and you don't even know why? Leads to addictive habits from depression issues like FOOD or mood-lifting meds that tend raise your weight
d. Not quite as commonly but still frequent, the man may pressure the wife to constantly be pregnant as it makes the woman more dependent on the man
e. takes a lot of control out of the hands of the victim so the victim doesn't get a lot of choices anymore.

I can't find the research article right now, but there's recently been published a study on how abusive marriages lead to overweight children as well. I did find with a quick Google search this article: http://news.health.com/2009/03/05/ma...-health-woman/ on stress/bad marriages leading to health problems in women.


That said, my parents marriage is not awful, my mom is about 260 lbs, 5'3" and over 60 years old and STILL doesn't have diabetes or ANY weight/age related illness! My dad is like 170 lbs 6'3" (like a skeleton frame) and two years younger than my mom and has almost uncontrollable diabetes? My mom always says "How is life fair?" Sometimes genetics is a hard thing to overcome.