So, tomorrow - or I guess today - marks the third day of healthy eating/exercise for me. I have been here so many, many times before and I have lost weight, but somewhere along the road, I give up. Last summer I lost 60 pounds but in the Fall I got Swine flu and never got back on track. I got to the point where I was comfortably working out at a gym for between 45-60 min a day (elliptical) but then we relocated and I just got uncomfortable at a new gym and gave up. I don't know why but I hate feeling like a failure and I really, really, really want to change and be healthy. I am scared to try and not be able to succeed AGAIN.

My whole, entire family is thin and lovely. None of them understand eating issues. They eat regular, healthy food, work out, and they don't get why I don't. One of my daughters is actually a fashion designer in NYC and right now I am too big to fly to see her. I mean, technically, I could fly but then I slow my family down and it embarrasses me. I hate crowds anyway. I don't go to busy restaurants, outdoor festivals, concerts and the like. If I do go, often I panic and refuse to go inside or participate.

My husband is usually supportive but he is also an avid cyclist, in great physical shape, and very attractive. I feel like Tubby Tag-A-Long when we go out together and I want that to change, too. For the entire two decades we have been together, he has worked out everyday like clockwork. He's a machine and I know sometimes I must be a world class buzzkill to have as a partner. Obviously, I would like to alter that.

Food is my friend, my security, my entertainment, and also my worst enemy. I love to cook for family and friends and very much equate food to love. I would like ANY advice on how people pushed through the rough patches (temptation) and stayed on track.

At this point I am too heavy to weigh myself. I know I need to lose at least 100 pounds. Once I am into a routine I will get on the scale, but I don't want to be overwhelmed by the number at this point and give up on myself.

BTW, I am new here. I appreciate ALL the posts I have read, and I just thought I would lay my fears out there.

Thanks for reading.

Hi sillygirl,

You are in the right place. If you look, you will the tools you need to be successful.

One strategy for me is to be here and to try to give something to the site. It is a strategy that doesn't have anything to do with food. It has to do with habits. This place has given me so much, that I do try to give back. I'm not perfect at it. It is much more comfortable for me to be here and just read than it is to try to post, but I do try. I don't have any magic words for you, but I am making an effort to reach out to you. (I also hope lots more and better advisors come along.)

I would also recommend small steps. What is one thing you can change today? At the moment, I am working hard on breaking a bad habit. *blush* My favorite time to eat is at night, when I'm in bed reading or watching television. It is a HORRIBLE habit when one is trying to lose weight. And, as a calorie counter, I had always felt that if I had the calories left to eat then, well by golly, I was going to eat then. However, as I continue to try to tweak what I'm doing, I have come to understand that the habit is one that I need to change. I think I need to eat the bulk of my calories during the day, instead of right before I sleep. So, a long story short, I'm trying to work on that habit. Today and one day at a time.

One other suggestion is to stay here and be involved. If you're not sure your plan is right for you then read the diet boards and ask questions. If you want us to look at a typical food day and help you tweak it, post and ask for suggestions. Just stay here and stay involved.

These are just a few of the things that came to my mind, sillygirl. I hope they are of some help and that I see you around!

Hi there. I'm so glad you decided to join us. You have definitely found the right place for people who understand. I get it. I really do. I understand the fear of failure. I've been there and done that. Many of us around here have. But, you are trying again and that is amazing! Keep it up! It only takes that one time to find your way and this could be that time for you. Take this one step at a time and one day at a time. Don't strive for perfection because none of us can do this perfectly. Just try to make each day a healthier day than the one before. I always find it encouraging to look at the pictures and read the stories of those who are very successful here at 3FC. Many of their stories tell of dieting over and over again with no success. But, they did it and we can too!

I really think that I burn out because I try to do everything full steam ahead from the get-go. So this time, I'm making sure that every week day I do at least 20 minutes of exercise. Sometimes it's vigorous, sometimes it's not. Sometimes I do more, sometimes just the 20 minutes. I figure once THAT becomes a true habit, then I can push it up to a minimum of 30 minutes. But until then, I'm not going to push myself to the point of being so sick of it that I take three months off.

It sounds like you have the makings of a really good support system. Talk to your family about what motivates them to eat well and exercise on a regular basis. Maybe something will hit home with you. If you're the type of person who can handle it, ask your family members to remind you of your goals if you seem to be going off plan. Not nag, mind you, just give you a little reminder so that you can make the conscious choice of staying on or going off.

I've found that I've learned a lot, and changed a lot by imitating people with good habits. I have a friend who eats very slowly, and very little. When we eat together, I try to make my plate look like hers (except less carbs for me), and I pace myself with her. I try to be done after her, and to leave as much food on my plate as her. I've done this for a little over a year now, and I've gotten to the point where it's become natural to do. I rarely finish before her when I'm not actively pacing myself with her. I rarely clean my plate.

Lastly--don't spend your time waiting for yourself to fail. Just succeed today. And if tomorrow you go off plan, then succeed on Thursday again. If you end up taking a week off, succeed the following week. But if you keep looking for that point at which you're going to fail, then you'll find it pretty quickly.

Best of luck!

"The surest way not to fail, is to determine to succeed"

DECIDE to do this, once and for all and permanently. DECIDE to do this, commit to do this and than go out there and get it done.

Your past history doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you're willing to do from here on in.

I was that way for decades. Failed attempt, after failed attempt, after failed attempt.

Finally woke up and realized that I didn't have to be fat if I didn't want to be and then took the steps necessary to lose the weight.

But by all means set yourself up for success. For me PLANNING is essential - failing to plan is planning to fail. Make yourself a plan, tweak it as need be, have the right foods on board, get rid of the wrong ones, track your calories (built in accountability and portion control). Use your love of food to your advantage, I sure did. Seek out healthy and delicious foods to eat, ones that you will come to love as will your family and friends. Find solace and comfort in taking care of yourself (& your family) in the best way possible. Find joy in being slim, fit, trim and healthy. Find joy in the added energy, confidence and clothing choices that will be headed your way. Become passionate about good health, make this your job, your mission, a tippy top priority. Find the joy in this, instead of dreading it - and transform your life.

Hello!

I suggest weighing yourself if you can to face that number. I did NOT. I didn't get on the scale until I weighed 221 and I had to guess at how much I'd lost. Now I'm constantly doing this second-guessing game with myself telling myself I'll never know if I've really lost 45 pounds, even though I'm pretty sure I'm under-estimating my high start. The moral of the story being, I wish I knew where I started!!

Now, as for getting through it, you just have to start. I find that the first three days are the hardest and if you can through three weeks you're gold! The longer you do it, the less you want to go off plan. Take it one day at a time.

First off, HUGS! Welcome aboard the board! I can’t wait to get to know you better and cheer on your successes!

I would recommend weighing yourself now tho, it’s horrifying I know, but you’ll kick yourself later on never knowing for sure how far you’ve come

ONE, failure-schmailure. If it’s thought of as an option, it’s a fall back position, so let’s get it off the table!!! Every day that you do something different is a SUCCESS. Even if it’s one piece of cake instead of your usual 2 or 3 pieces, that’s moving in the right direction

TWO, your family sounds awesome! Your hubby wouldn’t have stuck around for 20 years if you were a “buzz kill”. So what if your family is different from you?? We all have that I’m sure! I like trashy movie magazines and DH loves history and dusty law books (for fun?!) and we look at each other and shake our heads like ‘you nut’. But your family sounds like they have information and skills that you want/need. If you want to get fit, ask for some help to get you started maybe?

THREE, come on 3FC and post often! It’s amazing to me how much this place has helped me, if only to keep me ‘honest’ day to day and ‘remind me’ that I’m being healthy LOL It’s such a great place to be!

FOUR, and most importantly, pleeeeeeease don’t wait for the ‘perfect time’ to be happy Don’t wait til you’re thin and fit and what you think of as good enough to be with your awesome family! They love you NOW, they want to be with you NOW, they want to have fun with you NOW. You might be heavier than you’d like, but your attitude doesn’t have to weigh you down even further. Learn to be happy in the now and you'd be amazed how much that helps in the shedding process

HUGGGIES!!!

It's nice to see you on the board. 100 LB Club is like my home away from home... I can come here and say what I want and not feel judged for it.

I'm sure many of us can relate to your post. I know, for me, I have definately put my life on hold because of my weight and insecurities. It is something I am currently working on... trying to get myself back... trying to live life to the fullest. For me, it is a slow process because I am working through a lot of demons that had me hiding from everyone, including myself. But... I'll get there... and you will too!

Find the best plan for you... something you can live with. You know how to lose weight. You lost 60 lbs before... you can definately do it again. You just have to take the time to get to know your body again and it will start coming off.

Post often; we'd love hearing from you.

I'd second this... if you can get yourself to face that number and where you are at it will be a good thing in the long run. Even if you can't get on the scale it might be a good idea to take some body measurements or some photos so you can start tracking your progress..

Wow. My Goodness! Thank you all for the kind, welcoming words of support. I want to address a few things you recommended.

1. I am not weighing myself because I was bulimic in my youth, I know my triggers, and I know I will see the number and be overwhelmed by it. I will weigh myself the moment I feel strong enough to see the truth.

2. I have decided that this time is the right time for me to lose weight. I'm 38 and have raised 2 girls (nieces who came to me in my early-20's). My focus for so long has been on them and loving them and I've neglected myself.

3. The funny thing about health is that I KNOW what to eat and how much I need to move my body and weight train to feel better. I have read every book about fitness and health I could get my hands on. It's about sticking to it and not feeling uncomfortable in the process. My family is usually supportive but my husband also doesn't get it and I know he is sick of me being heavy.
Last Fall, I was doing great until I went to see my folks, got sick, changed gyms and then threw in the towel. For the future, that tells my that (a) my mom is a trigger for me. I started using food as a comfort in response to her as a child and I still do now. (b) when I am sick I need to power through (c) I need to make a plan to handle change when faced with it.

4. I got from reading your comments that I should approach things one day at a time and I like that idea. I am doing the Fat Smash diet because I met Ross Matthews from Celebrity Fit Club and he fully recommends the diet. I did it last summer and it worked until I gave in. Today is day 3 of the detox and I feel better already.

I've never been a part of an online community before and I think I'll be back. I'll try not to write a novel every, single time.

Good luck to each one of you on your goals for today & again, thanks!

Ella

Welcome to 3fc's Ella!

In the past I was always too overwhelmed to tackle my weight and try to get it all off. This time not succeeding was not an option so I just broke it down into smaller chunks. I rewarded myself with something small and inexpensive for every ten pounds lost. That helped me stay motivated. If the scale is too triggering maybe try just going by your measurements. Also, you'll know you're losing as time goes by when your clothes get looser!

I'm not very familiar with the Fat Smash diet, but I'm sure there's a forum here for it. I like Ross Matthews though and he seems to be doing well as a maintainer.

I think your family will be a real asset as you continue to make progress. One of these days you may be joining your husband in cycling!

Welcome Ella

I totally understand your fears. In fact, just a few weeks ago I posted something almost identical to it. The wonderful ladies on this site gave me some wonderful advice, much like you just got. If you are interested the last post was around April 15. You should be able to find it in the archives.

I agree everyone. Take it one day at a time. Do what you can, and do nothing that you can't do for the rest of your life. That's my theory this - LAST - time.

Coorection - last post was April 16. It is currently on page 7 of 761 pages in the 100lb club forum.

Tai - I REALLY doubt-it about the cycling mainly because the shorts remind me of BodyGloves from the early 80's. I would bike with him someday.

VBsis - Thanks for directing me to the link. I read it and agree with it. Lots of support is nice. Good luck to you on this journey.

Yes, very true. BUT, for me it wasn't only a matter of what I *could* do for the rest of my life, but I had to start looking at it as what I was *willing* to do for the rest of my life.

Anyway, once you get into it and it DOES take some time, there will be a discomfort stage as you master these new habits, but once they take hold, as you allow them to, you will see it gets easier and easier. It becomes more automatic to you, more natural. You get used to passing up on *this* and eating *that* instead. And *that* becomes more attractive and more appealing to you. Your wants and desires change. It's very exciting!!! It's a wonderful time of self discovery and self growth.

Make no mistake about it - you've got the ability to do this. You ARE more than capable of doing it.